Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Good To Know

Apparently, women do not find it funny nor amusing when you write stories about them farting on the internet.

Who knew?

Susan reads the blog occasionally and, I'm assuming, she recently read that story.

I assume that due to the fact that she screamed "YOU BASTARD!" when I walked into our house today.

That might seem like a pretty clear sign to most of you, but you have to realize I do a number of bastardly things on a daily basis.

What can I say? It's a hobby.

It's like collecting stamps only instead of stamps, I collect human suffering.

It's cheaper.

In order to make this up to her (and hopefully reinstate my access to her pants), I've decided that any and all donations for the next fan pack will be used to buy her a great Mother's Day present.

Some of you may be thinking I'm only writing this in hopes that Susan will read it and stop being mad.

You're damned skippy. I'm not an idiot.

But as long as it works, that's all good.

Plus, it gives all you Susan fans a chance to show your love.

The fact that you're pulling my ass out of the fire will be an awesome bonus.

For me.

The end of next week will be roughly 4 weeks since the last fan pack went out. I've been trying to keep them on a 4 week schedule, so that seems like as good a time as any.

Anyone who donates at least $5 by that time (or since the last fan pack) will become an instant member of the [GM]Dave fan club and will be sent the bonus fan pack that includes the usual extra stories and insane ramblings.

You will also be personally responsible for keeping Susan from murdering me.

That would be nice.

I do so enjoy the breathing.


At 6:47 PM, Blogger Kyle said...

i can see how access to her pants would be essential.... but now come mother's day she'll thank us instead of u v.v

let's hope she doesn't read this post

At 8:49 PM, Blogger Little Miss said...

Jeez, I almost forgot about mother's day.

Roses, chocolates and/or teddy bears, [GM]Dave. I don't think they've ever failed.

At 11:29 PM, Blogger Psylex said...

Wow, thanks for the reminder. [GM]Dave always seems to save the day.

I suggest something simple that she may have casually mentioned not too long ago. She'll be amazed at your thoughtfulness and great memory.

At 11:29 PM, Blogger Psylex said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Psylex said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 11:31 PM, Blogger Psylex said...

I also really hate blogger. Apologies for the double post.

At 6:58 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Considering there are two deleted comments, that looks more like a triple post to me. What the hell were you doing?

But yeah, Dave, I'll be sure to pitch in a few bucks for a saving throw for your ass. After all, if your ass is kicked, it will make it much harder for you to sit, therefore you will not sit down and write up GM Dave stories, and that would be bad.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Kyle said...

he would write while standing

At 7:05 PM, Blogger Aen said...

Apparently, the female populace trying to the forward the myth that they do not engage in flatulence. "Everybody Poops" is a must on every book club, in my humble opinion.

Good luck on diffusing the situation, Dave. Let's hope it fairs well for you. I'm surprised a man of such saintly patience such as you has put up with the femo scourge this long.

At 1:24 PM, Blogger UZ said...

Normally I'm not one to donate to blogs, but I feel for you, man.

After all, you do so enjoy the breathing.

At 1:51 PM, Blogger Caramis said...


I usually can't send any donations to you due to the fact my fiancee is on fixed disability income and usually live check to check.. yeah yeah wah me.. But, i can make this offer..

My family owns a couple jewelry stores in southern indiana, and i am the manager of one, i also do custom creations.. if interested i could really hook you up..

so that since i can't really send ya a monthly thing for your fan packs maybe something along the lines of big discount for you.. lifetime membership for me..

hey politicians do it all the time why not us lil guys..


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