Friday, November 10, 2006

Chocobo Breeding

Sigh.

After spending about a half a million gil on my chocobo, the damned thing was still level retarded.
It was poor in everything, was plain yellow, and ran about as fast as an obese Galka.

All in all, I was not impressed.

I decided to retire that chocobo and focus all of my efforts on a new one.

Rather than leaving it to chance, though, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I sought out two incredible parent chocobos.

The father was sleek, black chocobo. He was built for strength and endurance. I have no idea what kind of steroids the player was feeding this thing, but I really don't give a damn.

Also, this will prepare him should he want to be a baseball player.

The mother was a perfect blue chocobo. Her owner had raised her for speed and stamina.

Both owners charged me a hefty price for their cards. I honestly don't blame them, though. Given the amount of work both of them must have out in to their chocobos, they actually deserved it.

Still, I had cards from two of the best chocobos on the server.

Sounds perfect, right?

So, I get a card from each parent, book some "breeding time" for the two and sit back and wait for my egg. This is the beauty of the chocobo bredding system. I just tell them when and the two chocobos get right down to it and make me an egg.

Bow chikka wark wark.

The next day, I got my nice, new warm egg.

This egg would no doubt hatch and create the ultimate chocobo. It would be either black or blue, built to be strong and fast, and will be able to do the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs.

What could go wrong?

The egg hatched and out popped my new baby chick. How cute.

And I care for the thing.

Oh, forget about leveling or Dynamis runs, or all that other silliness. I need to spend my time walking my chocobo.

But I did it. It sucked, but I did it.

And I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, today I log in to check on my baby chocobo. But, oh no, he's not a baby anymore.

He's finally reached adolesence.

And look at him. Look at those strong legs and black wing tips.

That's funny...

That black looks awfully white to me.

Huh.

Must be something weird going on. White wing tips mean it's just a plain old yellow chocobo.

Obviously, there must be something wrong. There's no way my perfect creation could end up a normal yellow chocobo.

Okay, okay. Don't panic.

You didn't5 get a good color, but the traits on the thing must be spectacular.

Let's have a quick...

That's funny...

Did they redefine "substandard" to mean really freakin' good?

To recap: I obtain a useless yellow chocobo. So, I spent half a million gil raising a useless yellow chocobo.

I then spend a small fortune on chocobo breeding cards.

I then spend even more money raising a new baby chick.

And what do I get?

A useless yellow chocobo.

Man, that was so worth it.

On an unrelated note, I have to go run an electromagnet over all of the servers.

39 Comments:

At 9:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, I got a stupid yellow and retired mine too, haven't decided if I want to try again right now, cause it just costed way too much for a plain yellow choco.

 
At 9:29 PM, Blogger Cruven said...

lol poor dave.

thats one of the reasons i refrain from Choco raising. the other reason is i don't have money for it.

 
At 11:10 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

Yeah, I did everything in the world that I could have done perfectly right for my chocobo, I spent over a million gil getting it the best of everything (sometimes at retardedly high prices). And what did I get, you might ask? If I'm posting about it under [GM] Dave's post about HIS retarded chocobo, then you can probably guess where this is going. It's poor in every category except discernment, and even then it's substandard in that. There is something fundamentally wrong with the chocobo raising system, I think. Somewhere amongst all those lines of code, there's one line which reads:

6 x 9= 42.

 
At 12:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im guessing the people selling the cards didnt have those chocobos unless they showed you they were black and blue

 
At 2:23 AM, Blogger Sutaru said...

The other day, one of the members of my linkshell was saying "For the amount that I paid for this chocobo egg, it better have warp drive"

But wow. That totally sounds worth it. I'm so glad they added all the pretty colors. <.<

 
At 2:58 AM, Blogger Aerisrannara of Fairy said...

Ahhh... Cruven... The question to the answer to Life, the Universe...and Everything.

What is six multiplied by nine.

42. ::nod::

 
At 3:27 AM, Blogger luther349 said...

lol thats sad.

 
At 4:20 AM, Blogger EndrilRM said...

You don't "have" to spend lots of money on your choco. I recently bred my pathetic yellow (that I did spend money on and got nothing) with my girlfriends pathetic yellow and decided to feed it nothing but Sandorian carrots. That's right, cheap carrots. Its now on day 22, has black tail feathers, and already has endurance at "a bit deficient" (lvl 3). Add to that that I wasn't even there to check on it for 8 days as I was out of the country.
Moral of the story? Don't spend lots of money on your birdies--its all random.

 
At 5:06 AM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

Bow chikka wark wark.

Forget anything I ever said before. THAT is the best line ever. XD

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Belsire said...

Hehehe, it amuses me that I got a Black one on my first try.

I didn't even spend all that much money on it until now since I'm really trying to improve it's stats, but I have NON-BOTTED tele-taxiing to help me with that. {/grin}

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Zarquon said...

Aerisrannara of Fairy:

/poke

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger Myloko said...

I did the exact same thing, and bred to get a blue one... and on day 26 right now, she's gonna be yellow >.>

 
At 11:21 AM, Blogger Aerisrannara of Fairy said...

Why am I being poked. o_o!! I didn't do it. You can't prove it. I destroyed the evidence... I mean... umm.. hi. lol

And yes...

Bow chikka wark wark

best line from the post. heehee

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger AdoringFan said...

Funny... I want togive some advice... for beign a GM you think you would know this type of thing, after all you do work for the company who made the game!

First of, to get a black or blue chocobo you have to feed it Paracite worms. Then whether your chocobo is happy or not is if its blue or black. To raise its statis effects, you need to breed chocobos together. For example if one chocobo has alot of stamina and the other has speed then your baby will be a bird with stamina and speed. Your bird is born with the gift not earned. So honistly to get the ultimate chocobo will take years.

 
At 4:18 PM, Blogger Eirwen said...

I just got my normal, yellow chocobo to stop acting like an emobo. Am on day 80 now and I'm not giving up until I see the stats I like! Then I will try getting a coloured one.

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

I think I'm on Day 84 with my chocobo, and it's STILL retarded. I think I'm just gonna start over this time, maybe breed a new one.

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

You didn't5

OMG SECRET 5!

*Zelda item music plays*

 
At 5:54 PM, Blogger Meroduin said...

Psst... adoringfan....

YOU'RE WRONG.

Color is randomly determined, and has almost nothing to do with worms.

Case in point: I fed my chick one cupid and two parasite worms. It's now got red tailfeathers.

Yay me!

Also, those of you who bitch about high prices should insted of wasting all day at the stables should take five minutes to grow your own damn chocobo feed. Seriously.

 
At 6:02 PM, Blogger Lokyar said...

I was lucky enough to get a black chocobo(AzureDream) with my quested egg, ended up A Bit Deficient strength and Substandard Strength(Poor on others). Retired her and bred her with a yellow chocobo with the same stats(MisterSaddles). New chocobo was born with poor everything. By day 12 it had Substandard Endurance, hit SS on Str on day 13. Ended up yellow, but if my understanding is correct it still has the potential to breed black. So once it's all growed up it's gonna 'bow chicka wark wark' with mama choco and make an imbred(hopefully black) choco. And if necessary repeat the process till the thing turns golden with that warp drive. Im assuming thats from The Story of the Bionic Chocobo

 
At 6:07 PM, Blogger Lokyar said...

And if anyone on Fenrir needs the above chocobos for breeding I offer a competitive price for chococards. Hell, make me laugh and I dont even charge.

 
At 6:40 AM, Blogger Ninjasquirrel said...

Yeah... I'm on day 70something and I still don't have my whistle. And yes I only check it when it's not looking at me looking for the whistle. -.-;

 
At 7:34 AM, Blogger AdoringFan said...

Psst... adoringfan....

YOU'RE WRONG.

Color is randomly determined, and has almost nothing to do with worms.


Yea... Im wrong... fidn me the link where it proves im wrong and ill admit it. I have friends in high places and they told me that is how you get a chocobo. Cupid worms give you red chocobo.

 
At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Choco-genetics and food mean nothing.

I gave all I could to my first chicken damn thing was yellow...

So I started my plan on buying eggs doing nothing until the are chocoteens and see what color they are.

I got a blue on my first try. I didnt feed or care for it for 19 days so I just fed it a Cupid to stop that. It is now at "a bit" on strength.(Named it Bleu Blaue.)

A friend and I bred both our blue chocobos aswell, so I will see what it gives when this current one is at perfect stats.

{First post on this site, keep up the funny.}

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

I've always found the phrase "friends in high places" to be an amusing way to support something a person says when they have absolutely no other evidence to back it up. Mainly because said friends are never named, and on the rare occasions in which they are they turn out to be in ludicrously high positions in a given place of employment.

 
At 2:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe your chocobo has recessive traits that might come out later. I think you have to breed multiple times to get the desired outcome. Just like RL breeding.

 
At 5:45 PM, Blogger Jed said...

"Psst... adoringfan....

YOU'RE WRONG.

Color is randomly determined, and has almost nothing to do with worms.

Yea... Im wrong... fidn me the link where it proves im wrong and ill admit it. I have friends in high places and they told me that is how you get a chocobo. Cupid worms give you red chocobo."

Find a link to say your right that's got some creditbility.
LOL I HAVE HIGH FRIENDS ZOMG THEY NOW EVERYTHING!!!!!

Can you just die already? Your using up valuble oxygen that could be used for fart smelling or something of more value than your pathetic exsitance which you use for the sole purpose of trolling this blog.

 
At 11:59 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know a good way to rapidly increase a chocobo's stats?

 
At 12:50 AM, Blogger Spider said...

I got a blue chocobo and all I fed him were regular ol' greens...

So much for your color theory eh adoringfan?

 
At 12:53 AM, Blogger Stocky said...

Got black on first try. loladoringfan

 
At 5:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

L
O
L

Yeah well my chicken turned out blue, is called Fatty and lives on a diet of ol'greens and neglect

so much for the worm theory

does she have a sister? oh... the're twins!?! Bow Chicka Wark Wark

 
At 6:22 AM, Blogger token black guy said...

yo holla! i gots me a black chocobo and allz i fed dat mofo was "green" yo! holla! right dis moment she be gettin dicked up by a red choco fa sho holla!

 
At 7:03 AM, Blogger Kishani said...

I have a blue chocobo :D

http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i23/psychosquirrel02/bluechocobo.jpg

 
At 7:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a black chocobo named OmegaBlade on Pandemonium. I did nothing special to get her black. Hell, my computer crashed, and I couldn't take care of her for like two weeks. So she sucks in everything. I managed to get her strength to substandard, but in the process, she hates me. I'm breeding a new chocobo with someone's card from my Linkshell. Maybe this one would turn out better. But believe color is random. Gonna have to start gardening some new chocobo feed if I want to have a new chocobo.

 
At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comic comes to mind.

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=72

 
At 4:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont know how many people have pointed out that in

So, I get a card from each parent, book some "breeding time" for the two and sit back and wait for my egg. This is the beauty of the chocobo bredding system. I just tell them when and the two chocobos get right down to it and make me an egg.


The word is breeding not bredding

And like you... i have many pet-peeves... with gilsellers... and people that dont know how to spell jack squat.

But on a friendly note... I was very happy with this blog... i commend you.

 
At 8:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wonce upan ai tym ther wuz to kidds inn skool. won uv thees chillins choze too phocus hiz eforts un sumthing importent lyke

medicyne. Twoday hee iz a doktor annd helpps poeple phil beter. thee oter chyld studdyd speling. Nao hei werks az a

sectrataree four hiz luver hu iz a speling profesor annd crys abouut oter poeoples speling. hiz liaf iz meeningles butt he is

ible too spel Breeding.

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger tarinakarelia said...

LMAO.... these comments are almost as funny as the blog itself sometimes. it amazes me the lengths people go to, to mock each other and make themselves feel superior. Hmmm... wonder if [Gm]Dave reads through here and picks dumb people to ban on his bored days...

 
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