They Just Don't Give UpI'll give the gil sellers credit. Those guys are dedicated.
Yes, they're dedicated to screwing us all over, but still.
Just when you thought they couldn't possibly get any worse, they come up with a new kind of bot.
This time, though, it's not an AH bot or a guild bot, an NM camping bot or a provoking bot.
This time it's a teleport bot.
Yes, someone was actually retarded enough to program a teleporting bot.
This bot waits in Jeuno until someone shouts for a teleport. It then invites that player, waits for the player to arrive and will only teleport after being traded a minimum amount of gil.
The mind reels.
Who in the hell has enough time on their hands that they can come up with this shit?
Now, don't get me wrong. This no doubt required some major programming skills.
They may even have had to hack the Gibson.
But doing something difficult does not mean you did something intelligent.
I can take all day and my vast knowledge of physics and construct a giant machine whose only purpose would be to kick me in the groin.
I was alerted to these new e-tards by a concerned citizen of Vana'diel.
GM Call Description: New bot in Jeuno.
See, now this is the kind of thing I usually feed someone to a dragon for. We get so many alleged "bot" reports each day that I generally skip the formality of listening to them and just sentence them to death by digestion.
The system works.
The word "new", however, piqued my curiosity.
I decided to give this player a minute of time to impress me. Also known as one minute to save their own ass.
It's a game I like to play.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> You have sixty seconds.
Player>> Oh, wow.
Player>> Okay then.
Player>> See the thing is...
[GM]Dave>> Fifty-five seconds.
[GM]Dave>> I'd suggest talking faster.
Player>> There's this new bot.
Player>> In Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> Fifty seconds.
Player>> Just shout (( Teleport-Mea )).
[GM]Dave>> Why would I do that?
[GM]Dave>> Forty seconds, by the way.
[GM]Dave: (( Teleport-Mea )).
WhiteMage invites you to join his party.
[GM]Dave>> What the hell?
[GM]Dave>> Why is this guy inviting me?
Player>> That's the bot.
Player>> It's a telewhore bot.
[GM]Dave>> Are you telling me that someone...
[GM]Dave>> Someone very, very stupid...
[GM]Dave>> Programmed a teleport bot?
Player>> Looks like it.
Player>> I've tried a bunch of different shouts.
Player>> You always get instantly invited.
[GM]Dave>> Let's try this out.
[GM]Dave: I need a (( Teleport-Mea )).
WhiteMage invites you to join his party.
[GM]Dave>> Well, I'll be damned.
Player>> And it won't teleport you unless you trade it gil.
Player>> At least 2000 gil.
[GM]Dave>> That is an impressive display of programming.
[GM]Dave>> Also, retardation.
Player>> So are you going to do something about it?
[GM]Dave>> Of course I am.
[GM]Dave>> If I told you that, I'd have to kill you.
[GM]Dave>> I'm serious.
Player>> Oh, c'mon.
Player>> Tell me.
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to ban him.
[GM]Dave>> Are you ready?
Player>> For what?
Player>> What are you doing?
Jormungand hits Player for 15,732 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> I did warn you, you know.
So, I shout for a teleport again and the White Mage instantly invites me.
The same White Mage.
I rush to his position, trade him 2000 gil (that I took out of his own account), and he starts to teleport me.
This was enough proof for me.
Then again, I don't usually need very much.
I interrupted his spell and warped us both to Mordion Gaol.
Unfortunately, one of the things about dealing with bots is the fact that the player isn't there to witness the torture.
Where's the fun in that?
So, I waited for him to return.
I waited. And I waited. And I waited.
Actually, I played FFXII for most of it.
I played. And I played. And I played.
Finally, the White Mage suddenly looks around.
WhiteMage>> Where am I?
WhiteMage>> This isn't Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> Well, aren't you sharp?
WhiteMage>> Sorry. I was afk.
[GM]Dave>> You've been afk all this time?
[GM]Dave>> Then how exactly did you teleport me?
[GM]Dave>> Good answer.
[GM]Dave>> Way to think on your feet.
[GM]Dave>> Can I ask you a question?
WhiteMage>> ... Sure, I guess.
[GM]Dave>> How long did it take you to program the bot?
WhiteMage>> What bot?
[GM]Dave>> That's funny.
[GM]Dave>> Would you like to try again?
WhiteMage>> I have no idea what you're talking about.
[GM]Dave>> I wrote my own teleport program.
[GM]Dave>> Want to see?
WhiteMage>> Sure, but I still don't kno...
Jormungand hits WhiteMage for 18,564 points of damage.
WhiteMage was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> It transports you off my damned servers.
[GM]Dave>> Nice, huh?
I wonder if they have tele-whoring in WoW.