They Just Don't Give Up
I'll give the gil sellers credit. Those guys are dedicated.Yes, they're dedicated to screwing us all over, but still.
Just when you thought they couldn't possibly get any worse, they come up with a new kind of bot.
This time, though, it's not an AH bot or a guild bot, an NM camping bot or a provoking bot.
No, no.
This time it's a teleport bot.
Yes, someone was actually retarded enough to program a teleporting bot.
This bot waits in Jeuno until someone shouts for a teleport. It then invites that player, waits for the player to arrive and will only teleport after being traded a minimum amount of gil.
The mind reels.
Who in the hell has enough time on their hands that they can come up with this shit?
Now, don't get me wrong. This no doubt required some major programming skills.
They may even have had to hack the Gibson.
But doing something difficult does not mean you did something intelligent.
I can take all day and my vast knowledge of physics and construct a giant machine whose only purpose would be to kick me in the groin.
Difficult? Yes.
Intelligent? No.
I was alerted to these new e-tards by a concerned citizen of Vana'diel.
GM Call Description: New bot in Jeuno.
See, now this is the kind of thing I usually feed someone to a dragon for. We get so many alleged "bot" reports each day that I generally skip the formality of listening to them and just sentence them to death by digestion.
The system works.
The word "new", however, piqued my curiosity.
I decided to give this player a minute of time to impress me. Also known as one minute to save their own ass.
It's a game I like to play.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> You have sixty seconds.
[GM]Dave>> GO!
Player>> Oh, wow.
Player>> Okay then.
Player>> See the thing is...
[GM]Dave>> Fifty-five seconds.
[GM]Dave>> I'd suggest talking faster.
Player>> There's this new bot.
Player>> In Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> Fifty seconds.
Player>> Just shout (( Teleport-Mea )).
[GM]Dave>> Why would I do that?
Player>> Please?
[GM]Dave>> Fine.
[GM]Dave>> Whatever.
[GM]Dave>> Forty seconds, by the way.
[GM]Dave: (( Teleport-Mea )).
WhiteMage invites you to join his party.
[GM]Dave>> What the hell?
[GM]Dave>> Why is this guy inviting me?
Player>> That's the bot.
Player>> It's a telewhore bot.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Are you telling me that someone...
[GM]Dave>> Someone very, very stupid...
[GM]Dave>> Programmed a teleport bot?
Player>> Looks like it.
Player>> I've tried a bunch of different shouts.
Player>> You always get instantly invited.
[GM]Dave>> Huh.
[GM]Dave>> Let's try this out.
[GM]Dave: I need a (( Teleport-Mea )).
WhiteMage invites you to join his party.
[GM]Dave>> Well, I'll be damned.
Player>> And it won't teleport you unless you trade it gil.
Player>> At least 2000 gil.
[GM]Dave>> That is an impressive display of programming.
[GM]Dave>> Also, retardation.
Player>> So are you going to do something about it?
[GM]Dave>> Of course I am.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> If I told you that, I'd have to kill you.
[GM]Dave>> I'm serious.
Player>> Oh, c'mon.
Player>> Tell me.
[GM]Dave>> Okay.
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to ban him.
Player>> Really?
Player>> Cool.
[GM]Dave>> Are you ready?
Player>> For what?
*warp*
Player>> What are you doing?
Jormungand hits Player for 15,732 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> I did warn you, you know.
So, I shout for a teleport again and the White Mage instantly invites me.
The same White Mage.
I rush to his position, trade him 2000 gil (that I took out of his own account), and he starts to teleport me.
This was enough proof for me.
Then again, I don't usually need very much.
I interrupted his spell and warped us both to Mordion Gaol.
Unfortunately, one of the things about dealing with bots is the fact that the player isn't there to witness the torture.
Where's the fun in that?
So, I waited for him to return.
I waited. And I waited. And I waited.
Actually, I played FFXII for most of it.
I played. And I played. And I played.
Finally, the White Mage suddenly looks around.
WhiteMage>> Where am I?
WhiteMage>> This isn't Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> Well, aren't you sharp?
WhiteMage>> Oh...
WhiteMage>> Sorry. I was afk.
[GM]Dave>> You've been afk all this time?
WhiteMage>> Yup.
[GM]Dave>> Then how exactly did you teleport me?
WhiteMage>> ...
WhiteMage>> Uhhh...
[GM]Dave>> Good answer.
[GM]Dave>> Way to think on your feet.
WhiteMage>> Listen...
[GM]Dave>> Can I ask you a question?
WhiteMage>> ... Sure, I guess.
[GM]Dave>> How long did it take you to program the bot?
WhiteMage>> What bot?
[GM]Dave>> That's funny.
[GM]Dave>> Would you like to try again?
WhiteMage>> I have no idea what you're talking about.
[GM]Dave>> I wrote my own teleport program.
[GM]Dave>> Want to see?
WhiteMage>> Sure, but I still don't kno...
Jormungand hits WhiteMage for 18,564 points of damage.
WhiteMage was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> See?
[GM]Dave>> It transports you off my damned servers.
[GM]Dave>> Nice, huh?
I wonder if they have tele-whoring in WoW.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 3:41 PM
11 Comments:
yo WTF YO!!! PPL USIN TELE BOTS YO!??! JUST WHEN I DECIDE I BE WANTIN TO USE TELE TO MAKE SOME LOOT!!! DAMN FUGGIN DAMN FUG FUGGIN DAMN ASSCRAB FUGGIN FUG!! SONOFAFUGGINWHORE COCKBALLLLLLZZZZ!!!!! im bizzy boutsta stab a nerdy azz whyte boy tanite cuz its dem who be makin deez bitch-azz progizams yo. shank!
Yeah, as a WoW player I don't think they have any bots for that stuff. But then, travel is pretty easy in the game so most people wouldn't bother. And the people who DO want teleports and summons will just be annoying as hell until they get them.
...I gotta admit, a telewhoretation bot must have been pretty complex to code. Kudos to the dumbass for being smart enough to write it, but moronic enough to get fed to Jormungand.
I wish they had some kind of whore in WoW. Lousy game.
Now teleportation gets whored?!
next time I need a Tele-somewhere, I send a /tell to the first invite; or I skip the first party invite and wait for a /tell from someone willing enough to show me he is a real player and wants to teleport me.
lol zarquon, don't you just hate when some overzealous player repeatedly tries to do that kind of thing?
And I have yet to see any kind of teleport bot in WoW, though I really don't see the point of having one in that game.
Warriors with staves ftw!
Wow... these comments just proved how stupid WoW people are XD
One big giant sallahm to [GM]Dave on this one. Been so long since I tele'd out of Jeuno, I hadn't even known there were telebots...
On a side note, I was camping Hoo Mjuu McGoo the other day, and some one actually prayed to you for the drop...
Soon there will appear bots that will be bots that will farm gil for bots =)
Skynet will p0wn this world..
//correction..
Soon there will appear bots that will be creating bots that will farm gil for bots =)
Skynet will p0wn this world..
holla
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