Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Perfect Night

It was...

It was beautiful.

First, we had maintenance. That's always a bright spot for us GMs.

It's not because we don't like you guys.

We don't, but that's not the reason.

The thing is that our days really never stop. It's call after call after drink after call and sometimes it can start to burn you out.

We had one guy... Well, let's just say he had a bad morning.

They tell me if you ring a bell anywhere near him, he'll spontaneously start to scream and wet himself.

Maintenance is the rare time for us to slow down and relax, to actually sit back and enjoy what we do.

Not to mention it's really easy to get crafting materials when the guilds are all empty.

It's our time to decompress and recharge our batteries. With alcohol.

So, we're doing our usual maintenance thing. There were various small parties going on around the office and there was a certain amount of liquid being ingested.

It may or may not have been alcohol. I'm not going to say.

One group of guys was sitting around a bank of computers. They were all logged into a server and were watching Mee Deggi the Punisher.

They just sat there and didn't attack it and giggled to themselves.

Another group of guys was doing some dat file swapping on one of the computers.

There is nothing funnier than seeing a Mandragora cast Meteor.

Now, things were fine that way. We were having a great time and were even content to go back to work when the maintenance ended.

That's when our supervisor came in and told us that they were shutting down the GM system for a brief time after the maintenance.

O_O

>_<

O_O

The crowd broke out into a riotous cheer and the supervisor left us to our partying.

Big mistake.

Not ten minutes later, the place was a total madhouse. Papers were being thrown about. Our semi-casual dress code had given way to a disturbing lack of pants.

One guy had a metal garbage bucket on his head and was just walking around pointing at people and screaming "BANNED! BANNED!"

I was sure someone was going to die.

Actually... We haven't seen Greg the copy boy this morning...

After a few hours of this (and some faxing of possibly nude body parts to the guys over at WoW), the party was just starting to wind down. Bodies were strewn haphazardly all over desks and chairs.

That's when the supervisor leaned in again and said

Supervisor>> Oh, by the way...
Supervisor>> We're banning 1,400 accounts today.
Supervisor>> Just FYI.

O_O

>_<

O_O

There are no words to describe what followed. An army of GMs swarmed to their computers, their tired fingers flying effortlessly over keys.

It would have brought tears to my eyes if it hadn't been for the still disturbing lack of pants.

Martial law fell over Vana'diel for a few hours there. Account after account after account were erased from existance.

I want to deal with each one personally, but there were just so many to handle.

Still, those that were online got a short message from me.

[GM]Dave>> You fail at life.
[GM]Dave>> kthxbai

When all 1,400 accounts were left in ruin, exhaustion swept through the crowd.

Our shift ended in a slow migration of people with half-lidded eyes looking for their pants so they could go home.

I think it was a good night for everyone.

Still... I'm starting to wonder about Greg.

35 Comments:

At 6:12 PM, Blogger Drescher the Great said...

Lucky you. I wanna be a GM some day. ><

I laugh at those 1,400 accounts. Silly people.

 
At 6:27 PM, Blogger Carrin said...

Wow Dave, that sounds like you were prematurely sent to heaven.

Or became qaulity control for hell.

 
At 6:35 PM, Blogger Vehnd said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:36 PM, Blogger Vehnd said...

Screenshots or it didn't happen.

But yeah. I don't play FFXI, I play WoW. And the GM's over there don't seem to have the pinash of saying, "You fail at life."
I'm actually thinking of quitting WoW and playing FFXI...maybe leave the retards over in WoW and play a game with...slightly smaller amount of retarded players.

 
At 8:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hee hee... Vehnd is silly.

You can't escape stupid people.

 
At 8:28 PM, Blogger Pragma said...

One of the best yet, Dave. Unbridled joy in goofing off, banning retards, drinking and getting paid.

Rock on, Dave.

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger Ichiroson said...

AWWW... ; ;

i wish i could work with you..... i would love to be your apprentice and learn everything from you..
(that and id handle all the french speakers for you)

i would have applied to be a GM if i could... but sadly i live on the other side of the country...

 
At 8:37 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

No wonder you entitled your post "The Perfect Night". Were I you, I most likely would have behaved in much the same fashion, only the dude with the metal trash can on his head would most likey have been me.

 
At 10:00 PM, Blogger Jaren2099 said...

Think one of those 1,400 might have beent his guy? lol

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=4482&NEXTID=0&PREVID=0&DISPLAYORDER=20060914190749&CAT=homemov&NSFW=1&page=2&genre=0&rating=nsfw_sfw

 
At 11:34 PM, Blogger Argentos of Windurst said...

Don't worry about Greg. He's still faxing body parts to the WoW team at Blizzard.

 
At 1:30 AM, Blogger DukeTop said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:33 AM, Blogger DukeTop said...

[GM]Dave>> You fail at life.
[GM]Dave>> kthxbai

Rofl...i cant even explain the joy i felt from this actully being used, just because i know if that was said to me and i was banned...my computer would have exploded in midair before it even went out the window...i actully made an account...just to comment on this...
/emo
Shadows upon my soul flowing into a dank pit of drained dreams and lost hope, Each memorie only a blur before it passes into oblivion.
/endEmo

 
At 2:19 AM, Blogger mosca do ecrâ said...

Nice one you're back to the old ways. (BTW thanks for not ending the post with some crap like "and then i woke up")

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger FartsOnBitches said...

Seriously-
STOP RECYCLING THE SAME JOKES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Maybe you should pretend to be a transexual hermaphrodite prostitute who gets fucked in the ass every day. That I would read and maybe, just maybe someone would actually get a laugh out of.

 
At 6:17 AM, Blogger token black guy said...

yo stop dissin dave yo! who da fuk iz you G? dave is juz tryin to write n make it in diz world and u iz guinna hate??! damn nikka datz shady az hell yo..

 
At 6:26 AM, Blogger ladydyani said...

I'll bet it felt like Christmas to you Dave!

Do any women work there?

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

[GM]Dave>> You fail at life.
[GM]Dave>> kthxbai

This more than made up for the lack of Jormy antics.

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger zerombr said...

ya know, I agree with TBG up there, nothing worse than a bunch of people logging on to a blog that they claim to despise yet can't help discussing.

 
At 9:35 AM, Blogger Calsetes said...

Wow. Just..... wow. I think it's safe to say that you are the living version of Office Space.

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger RDMFire said...

Yes, good point TBG, but, do you struggle yourself even to write what you say, as much as we struggle to read it?

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger Pluto's Dad said...

Shoot

We american programmers only drink Mountain Dew. And a late night party only involves ordering pizza.

Must find new job

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger luther349 said...

dissing wow again how old. but i will comment on there gms. wow gms are from a 3rd party company there not blizzerd employees even thow they would like you to beleve that. witch relly sucks ass couse half of the gms are clueless and knoe knothing abought the game. i hear its worse of the euro servers then the us ones. iv seen people with legit problems get the 3rd degree from there gms simply couse they have no idea what there doing. blizzerd needs to dump that complay and have real blizerd gms it would inprove things alot on the admin side.

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

"Dissing" WoW NEVER gets old...lol.

Hands luther349 a Dictionary.

[GM]Dave you are my Evil Idol!
never change

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger Stupid Monkey said...

YOU ... YES YOU !!


You ara a god among me i bow at your feet i am your servant to command!

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger Adventure Dood said...

luther349 said...

"dissing wow again how old. but i will comment on there gms. wow gms are from a 3rd party company there not blizzerd employees even thow they would like you to beleve that. witch relly sucks ass couse half of the gms are clueless and knoe knothing abought the game. i hear its worse of the euro servers then the us ones. iv seen people with legit problems get the 3rd degree from there gms simply couse they have no idea what there doing. blizzerd needs to dump that complay and have real blizerd gms it would inprove things alot on the admin side."

{spelling} {do you have it?} {you can have this} {spell check}

I emplore you to cut and paste your post on a program with spelling and grammar checks... I hope you realize the error of your ways... or should I say, "teh eror uv youre weys"...

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

Best. Post. EVER! XD

 
At 10:47 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:48 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

Damn, zerombr beat me to the Jay and Silent Bob joke.

 
At 11:20 PM, Blogger wai said...

"{spelling} {do you have it?} {you can have this} {spell check}

I emplore you to cut and paste your post on a program with spelling and grammar checks... I hope you realize the error of your ways... or should I say, "teh eror uv youre weys"..."

He should also check his facts once in a while. Unless Blizzard outsources to a company that happens to work at Blizzard's headquarters in Irvine, a simple check of their job listing shows he has no idea what he's talking about.

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Music-chan said...

Never believe random, bad-spelling idiots online. They never have their facts straight.

I sometimes do wonder if the various GMs from different MMOs ever get together and talk. That would be interesting, I think. Imagine the horror stories!

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger Adventure Dood said...

That would just be like old men trying to make their childhood seem more abusive and devoid of food and affection than all the others... a competition to see who's life sucks the most, in other terms.

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger Koirint said...

Vehnd said...

Screenshots or it didn't happen.

But yeah. I don't play FFXI, I play WoW. And the GM's over there don't seem to have the pinash of saying, "You fail at life."

I know that was posted ages ago, but this guy obviously has no clue about [GM] Bekyn on WoW, go to www.wowglider.com and go to the forums, look at all the bans he has done, and the funny things that he says to you when you get banned.
for example, this guy was botting and was level 59, this is the ban

[GM]|Hplayer:Bekyn|h[Bekyn]|h whispers: Happy Halloween! Sorry I don't have any candy for you :(

LOL just lol

And the rest of his post:

I'm actually thinking of quitting WoW and playing FFXI...maybe leave the retards over in WoW and play a game with...slightly smaller amount of retarded players.

Slightly smaller you say, GM dave trys to thin out the poulation, but i'm sure there are new retards subscribing everyday, gl at FFXI.

 
At 10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, I play WoW, and after reading this hilarious blog, I'm really glad we dont have GM's like dave, but at the same time, I share Dave's personality and joy in this kind of abuse of morons, so while I'm glad we at WoW dont have a GM Dave, Im really glad you guys do cause it makes me laugh.

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger Jessica R. said...

I play both WoW and FFXI, and I have noticed the ratio of retard to normal people is slightly higher in WoW. As in typing /join trade automatically drains 30 points of IQ from the player. And anyone ever been on the losing team in a battleground? The retards screaming "U guyz suxorz" ..Yeah...

[GM]Dave makes me laugh. Nice to know retards somewhere are being fed to a dragon.

 

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