Thursday, October 12, 2006

GM Support Not Available

It came through the wires like a blessing from the gods. As soon as the e-mail went out, our entire office went electric with excitement.

They were temporarily shutting down the GM call system.

Can I get an amen?

Apparently, they were making an "adjustment" to the GM petition system.

By adjustment, I assume they mean fixing the GM call system. I assume that because "someone" may have been playing near the GM server with an electromagnet.

If anyone asks, I was with you.

Either way, they were shutting down the system that has eroded my faith in human beings.

That's good news.

At first, I was picturing hour upon hour of uninterrupted bliss. No GM calls. No whiners.

It was beautiful.

Then, reading further down the e-mail, I found out it was only scheduled for an hour.

An hour...

Still, an hour not having to deal with the mouth-breathing, drooling n00b masses of Vana'diel is well worth it.

I would have to make the most of this hour.

ie. I would have to find out exactly how drunk one can get in a short sixty minutes.

I could tell from the looks on the faces of my fellow GMs that they had similar plans. Each of them had a mischievous glint in his/her eye.

Bad things were to come.

This would be the party to end all parties. Anarchy would reign and the powers that be would be overthrown. Then, from the ashes, a new kingdom would be born.

Does Dave-Enix sound a little too conceited?

Okay, perhaps I'm exaggerating, but given the history of our update/maintenance parties, it was obvious that fun would be had.

As the minutes ticked closer to shutdown, I could barely contain my excitement.

Then, just as the time came, our supervisor walked in.

Supervisor>> Okay, people. The GM call system is down.

A cry rang out from the huddled masses.

Supervisor>> But...

I hate that word.

You hear something great, something fantastic, and then they have to go and say but.

They might as well just say "Hey, you know that good thing we just said? Yeah, we're totally going to shit all over that. Also, we just shot your dog."

Supervisor>> But...
[GM]Dave>> Oh god.
Supervisor>> But we've come up with something for you to do.

Come up with, he said.

Come up with.

As if they were doing us some sort of favor.

I mean, isn't that freaking ridiculous? They expect us to do work just because they're paying us.

That's just wrong.

Then came the weird part. A door opened behind the supervisor and they wheeled in a mail cart filled with folders. Then they started handing stacks of folders to each GM.

No good could come from this.

[GM]Dave>> Um...
[GM]Dave>> What are these?
Supervisor>> These are hardcopies of GM logs.
Supervisor>> We'd like you to review them.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> What's a hardcopy?
Supervisor>> They're printed. On paper.
[GM]Dave>> Paper...
[GM]Dave>> Hmm...
[GM]Dave>> I remember paper.
Supervisor>> We need you to review the logs for errors.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> That's not good for me.
Supervisor>> Well, we need you to do something.
Supervisor>> You can't just sit here for an hour.
[GM]Dave>> Woah, woah. Don't be so hasty.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe we should try that "sitting around" idea.
[GM]Dave>> It could work.
Supervisor>> I don't think so.
[GM]Dave>> We never do what I want to do.
[GM]Dave>> Like my Jeans Friday idea.
[GM]Dave>> You wouldn't even give it a chance.
Supervisor>> You suggested we not wear shirts.
[GM]Dave>> It's Jeans Friday.
[GM]Dave>> Not Shirt and Jeans Friday.
Supervisor>> Don't you think that's inappropriate?
[GM]Dave>> No.
[GM]Dave>> And it leads nicely into my next idea.
Supervisor>> Sigh...
Supervisor>> I'm almost afraid to ask.
[GM]Dave>> No Pants Saturdays.
Supervisor>> ...
Supervisor>> Just review the reports.
[GM]Dave>> Fine.
[GM]Dave>> Wait... I can't get this folder open.
Supervisor>> What's wrong?
[GM]Dave>> I'm not sure.
[GM]Dave>> I'm double-clicking the cover...
[GM]Dave>> But it won't open.

I literally sat there for a minute double-clicking my finger on the cover of a paper folder.

I thought his head was going to explode.

With an almost broken look in his eye, he turned and walked away.

And with that, my dream of another GM drinking party was destroyed.

Now, I'm stuck drinking at my desk.

Stupid job.


At 3:07 PM, Blogger Cruven said...

Don't worry Dave im sure you are bound to think of soemthing. You usually do ;)

At 3:08 PM, Blogger Belsire said...

Heaven forbid a GM get a bit of a break, ya? What a crock.

At 3:15 PM, Blogger Tommy said...

I just read the last 2 posts you made. Damn , you really had me on the last one , good stuff man.

At 3:21 PM, Blogger Shayde said...

"I mean, isn't that freaking ridiculous? They expect us to do work just because they're paying us.

That's just wrong."

LOL -- that's pretty much the same view I've had of "work" for quite a while now. It's never good when the boss "comes up with something" for you to do. Thank you. I can find things to do all by myself!!!

At 3:29 PM, Blogger Zenomorph said...

Tell him Jormy ate the reports if he comes back >.>

At 3:33 PM, Blogger Arkaine said...

Don't worry. You'll figure out how to use real world transcripts soon enough. :P


At 3:55 PM, Blogger OC said...

If you get a paper cut, take it out on gil sellers and noobs!

At 4:20 PM, Blogger Lee said...

right click and choose 'Open'

At 4:22 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

Even reigns of tyranny such as yours has paperwork from time to time...

At 4:23 PM, Blogger VinnieThe(retired)Foot said...

sounds like my boss
busy work
hey, i know its lame to advertise my blog in yours
but, what can i say
stupid is, as stupid does

At 4:26 PM, Blogger Yunosuke said...

Have you tried opening the logs with Microsoft Word? If that doesn't work, reinstall the logs.

It may work!

At 4:57 PM, Blogger Jed said...

What the hell is paper?

At 5:23 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

do you realize he posted this at 11:37 am...

=p, coincidence or plot dave?

At 6:41 PM, Blogger Calsetes said...

Yeah, that stuff always happens. They always seem to come up with "busy work" for you to get paid to do, instead of just getting paid to do nothing. Next time use the excuse "We don't get paid enough to do stuff."

At 6:47 PM, Blogger Eirwen said...

Reviewing the printed log... as in reading stuff from paper?! OMG what has the world gone to?!

At 7:12 PM, Blogger Miklasz said...

Just out of curiosity, but if there are hard copies of the logs, does that mean that there is physical evidence of the rampage of |GM|Dave?

Or do the logs get printed after you've had the opportunity to delete all traces of your "work"?

At 7:55 PM, Blogger Ichiroson said...

this is so awsome, your my role model, i cant wait to read these everyday!

At 7:58 PM, Blogger ladydyani said...

heh, I'm past the point of working, I'm just seeing how much I can get away with before they fire me. So far, I'm still there. I'm catching up on your archives at work.

One of their favorite busy-work items is to print out some excel spreadsheets, then have us enter the data into new excel spreadsheets.

I'm not kidding.

They make us.

Could they be using the GMs to figure out who keeps feeding people to dragons? Please, do tell us what some of the more interesting reports say.

At 9:13 PM, Blogger backlash said...

did you try right clicking the folder and manually opening it? it works when nothing else does. and if that doesnt work trash the folder. its currepted. sorry ya had to do paper work. but i love the part about double clicking the folder.

At 11:28 PM, Blogger Argentos of Windurst said...

DAMN! And when I saw "GM Call System Down," I knew you'd be all excited about it... I was looking forward to hearing your recollection of the day's events.

But of course not. They gave you paperwork. Jerks.

At 11:48 PM, Blogger [GM]Aaron said...

I hear ya man, reviewing those logs sucked.

it was like... reliving stupidity that had happened in the past, all over again.

and again... and again...

and its not even February!

At 1:29 AM, Blogger legolias said...

I really don't get the obsession with making fake [gm] names and acting as if you were a gm just like dave... anyone else feel this way?

At 8:47 AM, Blogger Sebb said...

I think its time you some how create your own dragon and make it eat those who annoy.

Of course by dragon I mean a really sharp knife.

And by eat those who annoy you.
I mean stabby dem bitches.

I liked this.
10 points to Griffindor.

At 1:13 PM, Blogger Kittos said...

hahaha XD love it :)

At 3:55 PM, Blogger Gravios said...

damm if only jormy could go out of vana'diel & "convinced" that supervisor

At 8:29 AM, Blogger Isaac20 said...

Quick! Someone go find some Jormy DNA and invent a cloning machine before the next time the Supervisor comes in!

Anywho, awesome ending.

At 1:27 PM, Blogger Mitsukii said...

Vinnie I can't believe you actually posted a comment leading to your World of Warcraft blog on this site...



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