Monday, October 16, 2006

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

No, no, no. Susan and I are not breaking up.

Put your panties back on, ladies.

Yeah, you too. Yes, you, the Manthra in Philadelphia.

That's just sick.

No, today's update is about one of the strangest parts of the GM's job.

I mean, I spend all day dealing with gil buyers, gil seller, and various other retards. That stuff is annoying.

But not strange.

The strange part of my job comes when people try to get me involved in their personal matters. People will actually call a GM during the middle of a fight or break up.

Think about that for a second.

They're calling a GM because they're having a spat.

And why does this happen?

Because some part of the human brain seems to die when you fall in "love" with another person.

That part of the brain is the one in charge of saying "Hey, maybe I shouldn't let her borrow these O. Kote."

But, no. That part of your brain just up and dies, and you're handing over all your stuff to someone you barely know.

Well... Maybe it doesn't die.

In guys, at least, that part simply atrophies as blood is directed to other parts of the body.

You know what I'm talking about.

Then, one of you does something stupid. It's inevitable really.

I mean, you were retarded enough to give this person all of your stuff. I can't expect you to be intelligent enough to avoid relationship trouble.

But now, you have a problem. See, they have all of your stuff and now they don't like you. So, they won't give it back.

Would you give millions of gil worth of items to someone you don't like?

Of course you would.

You're retarded.

So, what do you do in this situation?

That's right. You go through your inventory, make a mental note of what you've lost, and chalk it all up to a valuable lesson. You can learn from this.

Okay, go on. Open your menu and go to your inventory.

Wait...

What are you doing?

That's not your inventory.

That's the HELP DESK!

*DING*

You son of a bitch.

GM Call Description: Ex Stole All Of My Items.

I hate you. I really, really hate you.

What is so hard to understand about this? Never give anything away that you really need.

Ever.

Yes, I know. You two were in love and it was so beautiful and you just wanted to show that other person how much they mean to you.

Congratulations. You did something extremely stupid in the name of love.

Now, the love is gone. What does that leave us with?

Something extremely stupid.

You never get anything back when you break up. You don't get back your favorite t-shirt or that DVD you left at their house.

Why did you think your scorpion harness would be any different?

But, no. Now, I have to listen to some emo moron whine about his ex-girlfriend.

Man, I love my job.

Note to self: buy gun later.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you lost your girlfriend.
Player>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> Okay. I just have one question.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> How exactly did you get a girlfriend?
[GM]Dave>> Was there money involved?
[GM]Dave>> For 5 gil, did she love you long time?
Player>> What?!
Player>> NO!
[GM]Dave>> Cause I've heard stories about gil sellers.
[GM]Dave>> They'll do pretty much anything.
Player>> It wasn't like that.
[GM]Dave>> Oh... I'm sorry.
[GM]Dave>> Did he love you long time?
Player>> It was a she.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, yeah. You're right.
[GM]Dave>> She was probably a woman.
Player>> Thank you.
[GM]Dave>> You don't get sarcasm, do you?
Player>> SHE WAS A WOMAN!
[GM]Dave>> Oh, did you meet her in real life?
Player>> ... No.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah.
[GM]Dave>> You're totally gay now.
Player>> I'm not gay!
[GM]Dave>> It's cool, man.
[GM]Dave>> Whatever floats your boat.
Player>> KNOCK THAT OFF!
Player>> My ex-GIRLFRIEND stole my stuff.
Player>> I want it back.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, yes, sir. Right away, sir.
Player>> That's better.
[GM]Dave>> Let me just check something real quick.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, apparently I'm not caring.
Player>> But she stole my stuff!
[GM]Dave>> No.
[GM]Dave>> You went retarded and gave her your stuff.
[GM]Dave>> Now, it's her stuff.
Player>> I WANT IT BACK!
[GM]Dave>> I want a pony.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, we're both getting shafted.
Player>> You have to do something.
[GM]Dave>> Well, I do have some good news.
Player>> ...
Player>> What's that?
[GM]Dave>> I've fixed your love life.
Player>> What?
Player>> I don't understand...

*warp*

Player>> Oh crap!
Player>> Where am I?
[GM]Dave>> Meet your new girlfriend.

Shiva uses Diamond Dust.
Player takes 28,006 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Shiva.

[GM]Dave>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> She can be a little cold.

Get it? Cold? Cause Shiva uses ice.

You people have no sense of humor.

30 Comments:

At 10:34 AM, Blogger Ariyon said...

[GM]Dave>> I've fixed your love life.
Player>> What?
Player>> I don't understand...

*warp*

Player>> Oh crap!
Player>> Where am I?
[GM]Dave>> Meet your new girlfriend.

Shiva uses Diamond Dust.
Player takes 28,006 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Shiva.

[GM]Dave>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> She can be a little cold.

Too funny. Keep it up, I love reading the blog every day.(omg he got teh first post!!11! yeah, shut up)

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger Belsire said...

[GM]Dave>> You went retarded and gave her your stuff.
[GM]Dave>> Now, it's her stuff.
Player>> I WANT IT BACK!
[GM]Dave>> I want a pony.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, we're both getting shafted.

I had a definite "lmao" moment there since I've seen the "I want a pony" line dropped in so many contexts.

Thanks for makin' my day right there ^^

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger token black guy said...

holla back ya know what? ya gotta hit shiva frum da back yo! hit it like its HOTT!! wewt!!!! str8 up! im mad azz pimp so deez hoez kno wut it do when dis nucca walk in da room wordddd upp!

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger SmallHalo said...

-points above him-

is that english?

"I want a pony"

you should stop being so funny or else your going to get me fired for laugh and not working. /end sacrasm

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger SmallHalo said...

*laughing

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger Ginner_Ben said...

I want a pony got me too :P

 
At 11:43 AM, Blogger ladydyani said...

Dave, I've finally caught up in the archives. Now I've nothing to do at work.

I'm really loving this blog. It makes me miss Gord.

 
At 12:09 PM, Blogger Idalia said...

i remember Gord.... he was awesome...

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger TheAnaconda said...

oh crap, token black guy found this blog now!

*runs*

*grabs babel fish*

*comes back*

ok i'm good now

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Ace said...

Whats up with you people and quoting like 15 lines of text?

 
At 12:46 PM, Blogger Arkaine said...

I have a sense of humour Dave. :P

See, this is why all the useful items in WoW are "bind-on-equip/pickup", to prevent a stupid situation like this from happening.

Ark

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger SmallHalo said...

FFXI has the same thing but it's called rare/exclusive (sp?).

i had a friend that camped some NM so his 'girl'friend could have an rare/ex. he would stay up late while she overnighted her character in the zone. after he finally getting it for her, she dumped him the very next day.

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger luther349 said...

thats sad relly. unless its your real life girl playing the game you wouldent catch me giving anything to someone i didnt knoe in real life. my frend ownes the 360 version of ff11 and myself the pc but we got on the same server and would play all the time together. helping with quest or helping him get a new subjob etc. real frends dont treat you like a atm or ask for items its more like can you help me get this item etc threw acully working for it. my gf plays wow and now so do i but even then its the same way there ill help her work for a item but i wouldent just give one away unless its something i dont need or use.

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger Shayde said...

Player>> I WANT IT BACK!
[GM]Dave>> I want a pony.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, we're both getting shafted.


OK. I'm pretty much gonna have to steal that line.

Nice job, Dave. Now get some sleep.

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger tarinakarelia said...

lmao!! shiva! excellent way to branch out from the norm ;) yeah i have a feeling "i want a pony" is gonna overtake FFXI in the next few days. maybe my server will escape the plageurism... after all, there's what... 6 people on lakshmi? ;)

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger Veinor Angiol said...

I personally want an end to stupidity, but we both know that will never happen.

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Eirwen said...

The last part with Shiva... GREAT! I loved it.

 
At 5:22 PM, Blogger Glitterngld said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger Mcthulhu said...

Most assuredly, Shiva is indeed the proverbial bomb. One could mount and cool a server on that rack.

 
At 5:25 PM, Blogger Glitterngld said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

Now THAT was hilarious.

I've never understood online relationships, and I understand SE's decision to include marriage in this game even less. The guy got what he deserved, the cold shoulder.



Sorry, couldn't resist.

 
At 6:31 PM, Blogger Cyberdragon said...

Shiva uses Diamond Dust.
Player takes 28,006 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Shiva.

[GM]Dave>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> She can be a little cold.

LOL getting the cold shoulder iced by Shiva clasic.
Just finished fighting Shiva a few days ago for Summoner battles. Guess that joker was her warmup match.

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger Airwave said...

[GM]Dave>> I want a pony.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, we're both getting shafted.

wahahahhaa

i still think you should have left all the a's in though.

narcolepsy is fun kids!

 
At 8:49 PM, Blogger wai said...

Shiva? Nice touch. XD

 
At 8:50 PM, Blogger HTL2001 said...

Awsome entry...

I can't believe I caught this, but... from an entry in September:

"Using the word 'Manthra": stupid."

... I read this blog too much :p

 
At 9:21 PM, Blogger Zenomorph said...

I enjoyed the appropriate useage of Shiva instead of Jormy ^^b

Good work GM-Dave

 
At 12:25 AM, Blogger Turkeysurgeon said...

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was greatness in a can...errrr blog....errrrrr something.
Thanks for the huge laugh Dave keep em comeing.

 
At 7:29 AM, Blogger Natch said...

Okay, go on. Open your menu and go to your inventory.

Wait...

What are you doing?

That's not your inventory.

That's the HELP DESK!

*DING*

You son of a bitch.



Gold, pure comedic gold.

Keep it up man.

 
At 6:28 AM, Blogger Dantaro said...

HAHA! The best part about this update? Cold as Ice happened to be playing on my Ipod. I love coincendences

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger Dale said...

(((token black guy said...

holla back ya know what? ya gotta hit shiva frum da back yo! hit it like its HOTT!! wewt!!!! str8 up! im mad azz pimp so deez hoez kno wut it do when dis nucca walk in da room wordddd upp! ))


HOLY SHIT...LMFAO.. Just when you think it can't get any worse the ghetto moves to FFXI.. Gr8.. someone shoot me plz.. before the migrane I got trying to understand what that means gives me an anureism.. Or you could pull my teeth out one by one.. that could at least distract me from the pain.. somewhat.. {school, do you need it?) Pretty soon we'll have drive by fireworkings and run amok saggy pant tarus casting songs with jay-z lyrics..gr8.... but before i get off track..lol..
IN GAME MARRIGE IS RETARDED... lol..
IN GAME RELATIONSHIPS ARE RETARDED, IF YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM... WELL THEN MORON, YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM...if you ever got ripped off because you were this dumb, you deserved it.. I couldn't agree more..

 

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