Friday, October 27, 2006

[GM]Dave Vs. The NMs - Vol. 2

Alternate Title: "Just when you thought the Dunes couldn't suck any worse..."

I've given a great deal of thought and I think I've recreated, rather accurately, a conversation that went on between the FFXI development team.

Dev1>> Good morning.
Dev1>> What are you doing today?
Dev2>> I am trying to make Valkurm even more evil.
Dev1>> Is such a thing possible?
Dev2>> Well, I took the Nomad Moogle out of Selbina.
Dev1>> Ouch.
Dev2>> Then, I put bats that aggro in every tunnel.
Dev1>> Nice.
Dev1>> That'll make it nearly impossible to get anywhere.
Dev2>> I know.
Dev2>> Unfortunately, I think we've run out of evil.
Dev1>> Are you sure?
Dev1>> I think we can fit a little more evil in.
Dev2>> How?
Dev1>> Let's make a great item.
Dev1>> And then make an NM that only appears every 6 hours.
Dev1>> And make its drop rate really, really low.
Dev2>> But won't the depressing scenery make people want to kill themselves?
Dev1>> Exactly.
Dev2>> That's a great idea.
Dev2>> Shall we laugh maniacally?
Dev1>> Let's.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's accurate.

I tried camping Valkurm Emporer for a long time. A very, very long time.

Sometimes, I think that may have been when I started to go crazy.

Basically, you stand there, looking across a white beach full of sand, and wait for a big, ugly fly to appear.

If a fly appears and is named Damselfly, two things happen:

1) you realize that this is not Valkurm Emporer

2) you die a little inside.

But, because I needed this item, I camped this NM day after day (after day after day after day...) for what seemed like an endless time.

After the first two days, the trees started to talk to me.

On an unrelated note, trees seem preoccupied with burning people to death.

One day, I was having a nice conversation with a rock when I saw a fly pop right in front of me. Right there in front of me.

At first, I thought I was hallucinating.

The rock agreed.

But then, I realized it was real.

Well, technically, it was virtual.

But it was virtually real.

Shut up.

I jam on my claim macro and watch happily as his named turned red.

Hmm... That's an odd color of red.

Looks more like purple.

You cannot attack.
That target is already claimed.

The rock began to laugh.

Turns out another player had snagged claim on the Emporer before I could. No doubt a high level Thief or Ranger.

Or the level 14 MNK standing next to me.

With no subjob.

2) you die a little inside.

Well, this isn't a problem. All I had to do was wait for him to die and then I could take claim. Given his very low level, that shouldn't take very long at all.

It was the perfect plan.

Well... As long as he doesn't...

Player calls for help!


Okay, okay. After he dies, the NM will go back to normal and then I can claim. It'll take a bit longer, but still.

Just as long as no one...

RandomWHM starts casting Cure III on Player.


They kill the Emporer and run off.

I stand there knowing it'll be at least six hours of nothingness before he'll pop again.

I blame the rock.


At 6:50 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

I hate the emperor. /comfort to anyone that farms that beast. I sat for 4 hours, I think I went blind at one point.

At 6:51 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

emp sucks

At 6:52 PM, Blogger Nightwing said...

aww, poor dave

At 7:01 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

Dave, I'm not sure what server you play on but I'd help you get VE any day. I spend most of my time helping people get their Pin anyway, so I'm sure I could fit you into my schedule.

At 7:14 PM, Blogger Naritori said...

1/1 ^^
1/2 on Bounding boots too.

At 7:15 PM, Blogger Homer said...

Emperor Hairpin: O

{I'm sorry.}

At 7:55 PM, Blogger RDMFire said...


Heh, that one really hit the spot on my laugh button. Good one [GM]Dave ^^.

At 8:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And you didn't kill him for being stupid? I consider myself a mind mannered person but even I have limits.

At 9:04 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

VE is one of the worst... along with Nue... damn programmers >.>

At 9:37 PM, Blogger TrueStoryGuy said...

I, myself, have never camped the Emperor before. Let alone go to Valkurm to NM hunt. ... Actually, I don't go unless I have to party there. But, regardless, I feel your pain about having a low-level Provoke an NM by accident and then run it to their party. I jump a little inside because I know someone has to go in /party "Wtf! This is an NM!"
"I'm sorry! I don't read the names, I just provoke!"
"... I hate you."

I'm not entirely mean; I'd kill the NM and then /shout for a Raise.

At 9:53 PM, Blogger Nyito said...

I just gotta say it... 4/4 on VE. >.>

At 11:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, i think the worst NM is probably Argus.. i mean think of it.. 3+ days easy to camp, then when its time to pop theres a 50/50 chance that it wont pop but instead the other NM that shares its pop window.

Then what about the NM that pop when you *don't* kill the placeholders? Such as Rose Garden and that other.. Taisaijin.. those are truly evil NM.

What gets me tho..what seems to be rather why Dave doesnt just give himself the drops >.>

He kills ppl on a daily basis, it's not like he cant just alter server records of any such deeds.

At 11:43 PM, Blogger xwmstormx said...

hrmm. I never liked NM's when I started playing FFXI. Then the patch came and they actually became worthy of time and effort.. well.. some.. sorry argus.. your still a slut.. I hate you argus.. leech king still has your balls in a sling.

but all in all, and relating to the past few stories. even though I have quit FFXI I still love my pre-update stats.

6/9 leaping lizzy
3/4 valk. emp.

life as a thief is good.. heh

At 3:58 AM, Blogger Zamza said...

The one time I camped that thing I was helping Amefuri get her pin. We camped it for a couple days and on the second we got it pretty early on. I thought about camping it again to get myself one, but I figured since I'd already seen one drop in my lifetime it wouldn't happen again so I passed on that one.

At 7:49 AM, Blogger Pixie said...

/comfort [GM]Dave

Darlin just leave those NM's alone ... what won't kill you will make you nuts.

At 7:50 AM, Blogger Pixie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 1:23 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

The very first time I ever got my Pin (back before the patch), it was total luck. I was arguing with a few LS members about the Pin, and they were telling me that it's an almost hopeless claim since the GS were super-active out there. We argued about it for awhile, then in the end I huffily announced that by the time I logged off, I'd be wearing the Emperor's Pin. They "yeah, right"ed at me for awhile, I swapped to THF and got a teleport.

I got a chocobo at the crag and rode off towards Valkurm, trying desperately to figure out a way to get the pin and not look like a total jackass. I was at a total loss, though. I figured at best, I could just claim that there was a horde of GS out there and they were all claim-botting or something...

I dismounted at the Selbina Sidewalk and hit {Flee}, just in case. I had gotten about fifteen feet or so and BAM! he popped in my face. I claimed him, annhilated him, and scored my pin, all within 20 seconds of dismounting. No one in the LS (or at the beach) could believe it, but there it was on my head.

At 7:47 PM, Blogger Shutat said...

I do feel your pain, [GM]Dave. That happened to me countlessly with LL. However, I am pleased to say I was able to snag my Emp Pin on first attempt. It must have been a gift from the heavens themselves. Too many people had told me to not even bother trying for it. The fact I got one on first attempt was truly amazing. Many people hated me for it. Oh well. They will live. :p

At 9:42 PM, Blogger Calvyn said...

After days of camping and never getting to the claim fast enough, I finally got VE last week. I got really lucky and got the hairpin on the first drop.

At 1:58 PM, Blogger Chobit said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 2:01 PM, Blogger Chobit said...

The same thing happened to me with LL on Fairy server... I was THF/RNG and i camped it for 3 days about 15hr each day... i got the claim 48 times!!! 0 drops -.- on the 2nd day happened that a guy (Rank 9 so not really a noob) with his SAM/WAR Lv8 claimed it just while i was aiming the LL with my xbow. He spammed like a freaking whore "Heal me, heal me or i'll call for help" but 1) i was THF/RNG (ok ok he could have been a real noob with rank 9 but still a noob -_-) 2) As our GM thought i waited for him to die and the name of LL to switch back to yellow... but.. but... an incredible hero from far lands (RDM 25 w/o sj rank 1) came and killed the LL to avange the poor SAM (i cryied and prayied him to dont kill the LL but you know... he was an hero...) ;_;

At 9:47 PM, Blogger Soulrunner said...

You think that's bad try camping Sozu Rogberry against a RMT party and Saintboxing on Kujata. After killing placeholders for 15 hrs and watching 3 spawns claimed by that Botting SOB Saintboxing, and killed by said cheating SOB Chinese waste of life, even GM Dave would enjoy a wild night of feeding him to satan.

At 7:54 AM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

Hands-down the easiest high-profile NM in the game to successfully camp, and has a really decent drop rate.

Also, it's "Emperor."

At 7:55 AM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

Hands-down the easiest high-profile NM in the game to successfully camp, and has a really decent drop rate.

Also, it's "Emperor."

Average spawn time is between 1-2 hours.

At 7:17 AM, Blogger Calendras said...

"After the first two days, the trees started to talk to me"


u are the one, man! u rule!


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