[GM]Dave Vs. The NMs - Vol. 2Alternate Title: "Just when you thought the Dunes couldn't suck any worse..."
I've given a great deal of thought and I think I've recreated, rather accurately, a conversation that went on between the FFXI development team.
Dev1>> Good morning.
Dev1>> What are you doing today?
Dev2>> I am trying to make Valkurm even more evil.
Dev1>> Is such a thing possible?
Dev2>> Well, I took the Nomad Moogle out of Selbina.
Dev2>> Then, I put bats that aggro in every tunnel.
Dev1>> That'll make it nearly impossible to get anywhere.
Dev2>> I know.
Dev2>> Unfortunately, I think we've run out of evil.
Dev1>> Are you sure?
Dev1>> I think we can fit a little more evil in.
Dev1>> Let's make a great item.
Dev1>> And then make an NM that only appears every 6 hours.
Dev1>> And make its drop rate really, really low.
Dev2>> But won't the depressing scenery make people want to kill themselves?
Dev2>> That's a great idea.
Dev2>> Shall we laugh maniacally?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's accurate.
I tried camping Valkurm Emporer for a long time. A very, very long time.
Sometimes, I think that may have been when I started to go crazy.
Basically, you stand there, looking across a white beach full of sand, and wait for a big, ugly fly to appear.
If a fly appears and is named Damselfly, two things happen:
1) you realize that this is not Valkurm Emporer
2) you die a little inside.
But, because I needed this item, I camped this NM day after day (after day after day after day...) for what seemed like an endless time.
After the first two days, the trees started to talk to me.
On an unrelated note, trees seem preoccupied with burning people to death.
One day, I was having a nice conversation with a rock when I saw a fly pop right in front of me. Right there in front of me.
At first, I thought I was hallucinating.
The rock agreed.
But then, I realized it was real.
Well, technically, it was virtual.
But it was virtually real.
I jam on my claim macro and watch happily as his named turned red.
Hmm... That's an odd color of red.
Looks more like purple.
You cannot attack.
That target is already claimed.
The rock began to laugh.
Turns out another player had snagged claim on the Emporer before I could. No doubt a high level Thief or Ranger.
Or the level 14 MNK standing next to me.
With no subjob.
2) you die a little inside.
Well, this isn't a problem. All I had to do was wait for him to die and then I could take claim. Given his very low level, that shouldn't take very long at all.
It was the perfect plan.
Well... As long as he doesn't...
Player calls for help!
Okay, okay. After he dies, the NM will go back to normal and then I can claim. It'll take a bit longer, but still.
Just as long as no one...
RandomWHM starts casting Cure III on Player.
They kill the Emporer and run off.
I stand there knowing it'll be at least six hours of nothingness before he'll pop again.
I blame the rock.