The Ass HatOkay, I'm going to make this as clear as possible. Try to pay attention.
IT'S JUST A FREAKIN' HAT!!!
JUST A HAT!
JUST A HAT!
Now, I want everyone to stop, take a nice deep breath, and then stop being retarded.
It's just a hat. Yes, yes. I know we all like hats.
[GM]Dave is pro-headwear.
And, even better, it's a free hat.
Who wouldn't want a free hat?
But a free hat is no reason to lose your goddamned mind and go absolutely retarded. It really isn't.
Right now, there are people in every starting city who are:
a) selling sweets at a grossly inflated rate
b) being stupid enough to actually buy these items at a grossly inflated rate
c) not even aware of what's going on, but following ghosts anyway
d) going absolutely insane because everyone has a hat except them
See, if you're one of these people, then you need to stop breathing right now. Go on. Stop breathing.
It would be pointless to continue wasting oxygen on you.
Oh my goodness, someone stepped in your way and you didn't get a hat.
Does anyone have a tissue? I'm getting all misty eyed just thinking about your suffering.
Do you really expect me to care that you didn't get a silly party hat?
What are you? Four?
This event is supposed to be fun. You run around town, chase some ghosts, and get some fun items. It's intended to be enjoyable.
That's why we called it an event. If it wasn't meant to be fun, we'd have called it something else.
Like WoW for instance.
Yet, I continue to get the most moronic calls from the most moronic players.
Seriously. The GM call queue looks like a class list at a school for the mentally challenged.
And it's all people whining about hats.
How do I get a hat? How do I get the good hat? How do the hats work?
It's enough to drive a man insane.
My personal favorites are the calls about how someone ruined your event. Like you're the only one on the damned server or something.
Just as I was about to head out for lunch (read: heavy, heavy drinking), I got another of these winners sending me a GM call.
GM Call Description: Player ruined halloween event quest. Help!
Why an exclamation point?
Being stupid is one thing. But mishandling punctuation in such a manner...
This would not do.
I immediately logged in and warped to his location. As a representative of the game and its parent company, I felt it was my duty to educate this user on the finer points of grammar and punctuation.
Also, I may give him a crash course on the digestive system of a large dragon.
As time permits.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you're waiting for the Great Pumpkin.
Player>> No, that's not me.
[GM]Dave>> Are you sure?
Player>> Pretty sure, yeah.
[GM]Dave>> That's weird.
[GM]Dave>> I got two GM calls from this server.
[GM]Dave>> One was about the Great Pumpkin...
[GM]Dave>> And the other was about being a total freakin' retard.
[GM]Dave>> (( Hmmm ))
[GM]Dave>> Oh... My bad.
Player>> Listen. This guy ruined my event.
Player>> He got in my way and I lost my costume.
[GM]Dave>> Wow. Great story.
[GM]Dave>> I wonder who'll play you in the movie version.
Player>> This is serious.
[GM]Dave>> No. This is a waste of my time.
[GM]Dave>> You can tell the difference because one doesn't involve whisky.
Player>> Would you just fix it?
Player>> I didn't get my hat.
[GM]Dave>> Do you like Justin Timberlake?
Player>> Not really.
[GM]Dave>> Cry me a river...
[GM]Dave>> Cry me a river...
Player>> Stop that.
Player>> Stop that!
[GM]Dave>> Listen, moron... Do you mind if I call you moron?
Player>> YES, I MIND!
[GM]Dave>> Listen, moron. I don't really give a damn about your hat.
[GM]Dave>> Actually, I don't give a damn about you in general.
[GM]Dave>> Nope. Thought I started to care there for a second.
[GM]Dave>> But no.
Player>> This is ridiculous!!!
[GM]Dave>> I'd also like to have a discussion with you about punctuation.
[GM]Dave>> I'm referring to your odd obsession with exclamation points.
[GM]Dave>> You do realize that's a bannable offense, don't you?
Player>> You can get banned for that?
[GM]Dave>> You can get banned for a lot of things.
[GM]Dave>> I banned a guy earlier for using a double negative.
Player>> You're insane!
[GM]Dave>> That's what he didn't not said.
Player>> I just wanted my hat.
[GM]Dave>> I'll tell you what...
[GM]Dave>> How about I give you a special event item?
[GM]Dave>> Why not?
[GM]Dave>> Again with the exclamation points?
[GM]Dave>> Here's your item.
Player obtains a Trick or Treat Stave.
Player>> Holy crap!!!
Player>> What's it do?
[GM]Dave>> Try equipping it.
Player>> What happened?
Player>> Where am I?
[GM]Dave>> Trick or treat.
Jormungand hits Player for 16,863 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
Player falls to level 47.
[GM]Dave>> I think that was a trick.
[GM]Dave>> It's hard to tell with Jormy.
I really, really hate these events.
Actually... It's not the events that I hate. The events would be absolutely perfect.
If it weren't for the people.