Saturday, September 23, 2006

Wrong Trees and Barking

Why does everyone come to me with their problems?

Now, I don't mean their emergencies. Of course they come to me with their emergencies. That's literally what the GM Call function is intended for.

You have an emergency, you call me. That's cool.

It's your freaking "problems" that I don't want to hear about.

This is a Final Fantasy XI forum. A good one at that. You can go here to tell people about your problems.

This is the official Service and Support page for Final Fantasy XI. They can help you with all sorts of technical and account issues.

This is where you should go if you are too damned retarded to figure out the difference between these two places and the help desk in FFXI.

I am not here to listen to everything you don't like. I'm not hear to listen to you whine and bitch about being unhappy.

If you can not determine the difference between a "problem" and an emergency, then it's a "problem".

And by "problem", I mean leave me the hell alone.

You'll know when it's a freakin' emergency.

Let's look at some of the GM calls I get in the run of a normal day.

GM Call Description: Fell through boards in Newton Movalpolos. Stuck.

This is an emergency. This is something that should be fixed immediately and something that you can't fix yourself.

This is a good call.

GM Call Description: Having trouble beating Promyvions.

This is not an emergency. This is a "problem". This is something that doesn't need fixing and something you should handle yourself.

This is a bad call.

GM Call Description: Item stuck in Bazaar. Won't come out.

Emergency.

GM Call Description: Can't skill up SMNing skill.

Not an emergency.

GM Call Description: Quest NPC missing.

Might be an emergency.

GM Call Description: Fix the economy.

Definitely not an emergency.

Actually... I have no idea what in the hell this is.

I don't think it even qualifies as a suggestion.

Why in the hell do people call me with their suggestions?

I'm not running a radio call in show. I don't want to know or care about your opinions.

I'm here to help people with serious problems.

SERIOUS.

You don't have serious problems.

Wait... You do have serious problems.

But not game-related problems.

And, as I have not yet received a degree in psychiatry, I'm not really qualified to help you with your other problems.

Seriously, people. There are countless FFXI forums where you can go and ask silly questions and make your retarded suggestions.

The good players on these forums may even take pity on you and help you out.

I don't take pity on people.

I'd have to actually care about people to pity them.

Yeah... That ain't happening.

20 Comments:

At 9:55 PM, Blogger Arkaine said...

I totally bloody agree with you Dave, too many idiots in this world who unfortunately have to take out their stupidity on logically-thinking people like us.

We have a lot in common.

Arkaine

 
At 10:26 PM, Blogger Esined said...

"fix the economy"

LOL

Tell him to go pester his government to fix the economy!~

 
At 10:44 PM, Blogger Exc said...

"This is where you should go if you are too damned retarded to figure out the difference between these two places and the help desk in FFXI."

Nice one Dave.

 
At 2:12 AM, Blogger Jay said...

Thats why world of warcraft is better because the gms simply dont answer you (even if the fabric of time begins to release its creamy surprise), you just get given a hearthstone and a spirit healer.

GMS ARE OVER RATED

 
At 3:29 AM, Blogger AcidBurn said...

Hello dave, I stumbled across this website about 2 months ago on a WoW forum which stated that "If all GM's were like this" .. I find this the only reading I seek for every single day just to lighten the load of the day and directed most of my friends here.

I may agree with some people that it's getting a bit monotoned here on your blog, but it still makes me giggle, and that's why I check in every day.

Anyway, good blog, good post; except for one little detail that bothered me:

If you can not determine the difference between a "problem" and an emergency, then it's a "problem"

And by "problem", I mean leave me the hell alone.

+

I'm here to help people with serious problems.


No matter how serious a problem is, it counts just as a problem, but not an emergency ;)

 
At 3:49 AM, Blogger AcidBurn said...

Oh, and when I started reading your blog it reminded me of my first and last encounter with a GM. I play WoW you see. And this was my noob moment of death. Here's a post I made on the forums there (tribute to you Dave, give me a hug):


Dear god, I recently began reading [GM]Dave's blog at http://bannable-offenses.blogspot.com and I was shocked at how many stupid people there are in life, and in our beloved games. After a few reads I started to ponder, how many GM calls have I made? And was I such a n00b? Regretably, yes.

It was in the early beta test, I had a Night Elf Rogue called Iridium. I was new.

I was on my way to Darnassus for the first time and I see a female Night Elf walking by me with this huge owl which I gazed at with amazement. I wanted one of those.

When I got into Darnassus I see this vendor on my left side which had the interesting tag -Owl Trainer- .. I run towards her and go to trade mode with her, and there it was, "Great Horned Owl" for a whopping 40s!! (oh and that was a ##%@load of silver then).

I go and farm hard for this incredible offer and within a few minutes I return to the -Owl Trainer-. I really wanted my pet-owl to fight with me.

I spend all my money on this incredible owl and I sprint outside to go and see it in hardcore action, how incredibly stupid I was.

I summon my battle-owl and there it was, this tiny owl that flew there besides me and watched me fight. I was very frustrated and wondered how I would activate it to fight-mode and see it pwn my enemies in masses.

I know, I'll make a GM call.

This is how it went:

[GM-whatever]: Hi there, it seems that you have a problem with your pet?
[Iridium]: Yeah, it's not fighting..
[GM-whatever]: Hmm.. can I ask you something?
[Iridium] Sure, what is it?
[GM-whatever]: What class are you playing?
[Iridium]: A rogue, why do you ask?

I didn't sense the sarcasm at that point, I was being a n00b, how was I supposed to know the GM was pulling a Dave on me?

[GM-whatever]: Well, the pets you buy from vendors are strictly ornamental.
[Iridum]: What do you mean? You mean that they are there just for show?
[GM-whatever]: That's exactly what I'm saying :)
[Iridium]: I think you should actually let people know that they are only for show, I spent alot of money on this..
[GM-whatever]: Is there anything else I can do for you today?

Well.. as you may have guessed, I did not receive a 40s refund, nor did my Great Horned Owl ever fight for me. It didn't grow with time like I thought it would and I wasn't going to morph into a Hunter any time soon..

Oh and that's my only GM call ever.. I learn fast ;)


Well.. that's my noob story, what's yours? :P


-luckily, I wasn't banned and fed to a dragon :)
/hail Dave

 
At 3:50 AM, Blogger AcidBurn said...

maybe, maybe a tribute post to my WoW post? ;)

regards,
Acidburn

 
At 5:41 AM, Blogger Arkaine said...

Acidburn, I may have played some minor role in directing people like you from the WoW forums to Bannable Offenses.

Tell me, are you a member of the Boulderfist realm? If so, you might recognize me. ;)

Arkaine

 
At 6:55 AM, Blogger Adventure Dood said...

way to mix it up with the link-related humor (I lol'ed. I never type that).

anyway, back to acidburn and arkaine's little reunion thing >.>

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger AcidBurn said...

Hm, well Arkaine I'll have to say that I honestly don't remember who posted the link that eventually led me here. Which I consider to be the best blog on this "intarweb".

Anyhow, when WoW started I chose the Skullcrusher server so that would make me.. well.. not on your server.

I do however have around 40+alts that most stop at around lvl 30-40ish on many servers, but none of them are on Boulderfist.

Well, hope to get a hug from Dave ;) And nice talking to fellow WoW-players, sadly we are frowned upon as "children" and "idiots" by most people, weird.

regards,
Acidburn

 
At 8:16 AM, Blogger Eirwen said...

It doesn't matter to me if you play FFXI or WoW. It's the way you act that makes us think you are either "children" or "idiots". Buying that pet not knowing it was an ornament is both an idiot's mistake and stupid of Blizzard not giving information on this. Yet, if you really wanted that pet, you could have checked forums like wow.allakhazam.com before spending a lot of silver on a worthless ornament.

---

Good thing I always play BLM or carry a warp item when playing a different job. If I ever get stuck, I'll just use the warp and work my way back to the area I was before.

Thanks for giving examples on what an GM emergency actually is, Dave.

 
At 8:56 AM, Blogger AcidBurn said...

Hey eirwen,

Not to go into details or anything, but; to be able to "check on the forums" - forums must exist. Remember that when this incident happened, WoW was still in beta, therefore - very limited info for me.

But, salutations and respect for looking upon my act as an "idiot's" one - which I consider alot worse than being a "n00b"; which I do not deny I ever was ;)

regards,
Acidburn

 
At 9:29 AM, Blogger Arkaine said...

Ah well, what a shame.

At least now when I get back into WoW, I can tell those morons what is an emergency and what isn't, because from my own personal experience, most people are idiots.

Arkaine

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger Lee said...

Dave is all about the Public Service of informing you on how NOT to be stoopid.

 
At 2:20 PM, Blogger Furioku said...

well dave im glad you at least get some calls that make sense id hate to think im the only person on FFXI that isnt retarded.

 
At 1:26 AM, Blogger Thiefprincess said...

"GM Call Description: Fell through boards in Newton Movalpolos. Stuck.

This is an emergency. This is something that should be fixed immediately and something that you can't fix yourself."

This happened to me last week! Had to be rescued by a very nice GM, obviously wasn't Dave! I didnt get fed to a dragon.

 
At 9:10 AM, Blogger Tomian said...

man I remember making a stupid GM call myself recently... My chocobo whistle wasn't working. so I asked a GM for assistance I think his name was Bubblex or something...

anyway turns out I forgot to register my chocobo (I was unaware that you had to do this in the first place.)

but I was scared to death I read this blog frequently and I was remember chanting "Please don't feed me to a dragon, please don;t feed me to a dragon!"

 
At 9:10 AM, Blogger Tomian said...

man I remember making a stupid GM call myself recently... My chocobo whistle wasn't working. so I asked a GM for assistance I think his name was Bubblex or something...

anyway turns out I forgot to register my chocobo (I was unaware that you had to do this in the first place.)

but I was scared to death I read this blog frequently and I was remember chanting "Please don't feed me to a dragon, please don;t feed me to a dragon!"

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Franck Knight said...

Fortunatly, [GM]Dave is not a real one, no GMs should be this aggressive, even if they have all the rights in the world to be! :)

But yes, real emergencies, even from [GM]Dave, would be treated with respect. As he said, if you get stuck into some flaw of the polygonal graphics and its impossible to get out of there yourself, that is what GMs are for. I mean if you get stuck and have the means to warp yourself without cost (like a BLM would), you might want to do it yourself, but otherwise its not your FAULT for getting stuck so shouldn't be paying for it.

Fixing the lag in Jeuno, fixing the economy, or asking where this guy has bought that neat fireworks, that's not the GMs work.

 
At 6:08 PM, Blogger TheAnaconda said...

"This happened to me last week! Had to be rescued by a very nice GM, obviously wasn't Dave! I didnt get fed to a dragon."

for a legitimate problem like that, i dont think Dave'd feed you to a dragon

as long as you didnt act retarded, anyway

 

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