They're On To MeDammit, dammit, dammit.
Seems some of the higher ups are trying to figure out who I actually am. They've been skulking around the main floor for a while now, trying to catch me.
When that didn't work, they started randomly supervising GM calls to watch for "anomalous behavior".
In case you're not up with the english, that means they were looking for dragon-related violence.
Well, lucky, lucky me. Today was my turn.
Right away, I was pissed off. It's kind of hard to drink with your supervisor sitting right next to you.
Not impossible, mind you. Just hard.
I knew the whole day was going to suck horribly. No drinking, no crafting, no abusing players...
That was when I was struck by the most heinous, terrifying idea.
I might actually have to HELP a PLAYER.
Just saying it makes me feel dirty.
You never know. Maybe I'll get lucky and no one will make a GM call while he's here.
F% F&#% F%
Okay... Stay Calm. Maybe this will be a worthwhile call.
GM Call Description: Party stole our camp! Help!
This isn't happening. This can't be happening. I had a stroke and I'm lying face down somewhere, drooling on myself.
Steeling myself (and bottling up my near limitless rage), I logged in and headed to the player's location.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> How are you today?
I thought that was pretty good. I wasn't sarcastic and I avoided calling the player functionally retarded.
That's a big step for me.
Apparently, it wasn't good enough, though. I feel a little tap on my shoulder.
Supervisor>> You're not roleplaying enough.
Supervisor>> You might want to work on that.
Son of a bitch.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I pray the light of Altana falls upon you.
I think I'm going to be sick.
[GM]Dave>> How can I help you today?
Player>> Another party stole our camp site.
[GM]Dave>> They stole it?
Player>> They came and camped right next to us.
Player>> They're killing all of our beetles.
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry to hear that.
Oh lord. I don't have the strength to get through this.
Must focus. Do not kill the idiots. Do not kill the idiots.
I need to end this call quickly.
[GM]Dave>> I'll look into the matter.
[GM]Dave>> Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Player>> That's it?
Player>> You'll look into it?!
[GM]Dave>> They will be punished if they deserve to be.
Just typing that hurt.
Okay... Say goodbye and end it.
Player>> That's bullshit.
Player>> You need to ban them or something.
[GM]Dave>> I'm afraid it doesn't work that way.
Stay calm. You can murder him later.
And all of his friends.
Player>> IT'S YOUR JOB!!!
And everyone he has ever talked to.
I could actually see my hand hovering shakily over my Jormy macro.
But right now, I need to handle this very carefully.
[GM]Dave>> I apologize for the inconvenience, sir.
[GM]Dave>> The situation will be dealt with.
Player>> Yeah, whatever.
That's when I feel another tap on my shoulder.
[GM]Dave>> I bid you farewell, noble warrior.
There. I did it.
I made it to the end without killing him or anything.
Does anyone know if there's an online application for sainthood?
Supervisor>> That was a good call.
Supervisor>> You handled it fairly well.
Just keep smiling. Don't make eye contact.
Supervisor>> There are a few areas you need to work on.
Supervisor>> You were a little curt.
Don't insert a Bic pen into his trachea.
I manage to muster the self-control required to not commit murder and he still thinks I was kurt.
What does he want from me?!
Supervisor>> You need to find a way to enjoy dealing with adventurers.
Supervisor>> Unfortunately, I have to leave now.
As he walked away, I realized there was a small earthquake going on.
Then I realized that it wasn't an earthquake.
I was literally vibrating with repressed rage.
Someone had to pay.
I spent the next seven hours finding "a way to enjoy dealing with adventurers". This mostly involved dragons and banning.
Trust me when I tell you that I enjoyed "dealing" with the little bastard who made that call.
I think Jormy enjoyed it, too.