Wednesday, August 23, 2006

They're On To Me

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

Seems some of the higher ups are trying to figure out who I actually am. They've been skulking around the main floor for a while now, trying to catch me.

When that didn't work, they started randomly supervising GM calls to watch for "anomalous behavior".

In case you're not up with the english, that means they were looking for dragon-related violence.

Well, lucky, lucky me. Today was my turn.

Oh.

Joy.

Right away, I was pissed off. It's kind of hard to drink with your supervisor sitting right next to you.

Not impossible, mind you. Just hard.

I knew the whole day was going to suck horribly. No drinking, no crafting, no abusing players...

That was when I was struck by the most heinous, terrifying idea.

I might actually have to HELP a PLAYER.

Just saying it makes me feel dirty.

You never know. Maybe I'll get lucky and no one will make a GM call while he's here.

*DING*

F&#% F&#% F&#%

Okay... Stay Calm. Maybe this will be a worthwhile call.

GM Call Description: Party stole our camp! Help!

...

This isn't happening. This can't be happening. I had a stroke and I'm lying face down somewhere, drooling on myself.

Sigh.

Steeling myself (and bottling up my near limitless rage), I logged in and headed to the player's location.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> How are you today?

I thought that was pretty good. I wasn't sarcastic and I avoided calling the player functionally retarded.

That's a big step for me.

Apparently, it wasn't good enough, though. I feel a little tap on my shoulder.

Supervisor>> You're not roleplaying enough.
Supervisor>> You might want to work on that.

Son of a bitch.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I pray the light of Altana falls upon you.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Player>> Yeah.
Player>> Whatever.
[GM]Dave>> How can I help you today?
Player>> Another party stole our camp site.
[GM]Dave>> They stole it?
Player>> Yeah.
Player>> They came and camped right next to us.
Player>> They're killing all of our beetles.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh lord. I don't have the strength to get through this.

Must focus. Do not kill the idiots. Do not kill the idiots.

I need to end this call quickly.

[GM]Dave>> I'll look into the matter.
[GM]Dave>> Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Player>> That's it?
Player>> You'll look into it?!
[GM]Dave>> They will be punished if they deserve to be.

Just typing that hurt.

Okay... Say goodbye and end it.

Player>> That's bullshit.
Player>> You need to ban them or something.
[GM]Dave>> I'm afraid it doesn't work that way.

Stay calm. You can murder him later.

And all of his friends.

Player>> IT'S YOUR JOB!!!

And everyone he has ever talked to.

I could actually see my hand hovering shakily over my Jormy macro.

But right now, I need to handle this very carefully.

[GM]Dave>> I apologize for the inconvenience, sir.
[GM]Dave>> The situation will be dealt with.
Player>> Yeah, whatever.
Player>> Later.
[GM]Dave>> Later.

That's when I feel another tap on my shoulder.

Dammit.

[GM]Dave>> I bid you farewell, noble warrior.

There. I did it.

I made it to the end without killing him or anything.

Does anyone know if there's an online application for sainthood?

Supervisor>> That was a good call.
Supervisor>> You handled it fairly well.

Just keep smiling. Don't make eye contact.

Supervisor>> There are a few areas you need to work on.
Supervisor>> You were a little curt.

Don't insert a Bic pen into his trachea.

I manage to muster the self-control required to not commit murder and he still thinks I was kurt.

What does he want from me?!

Supervisor>> You need to find a way to enjoy dealing with adventurers.
Supervisor>> Unfortunately, I have to leave now.

As he walked away, I realized there was a small earthquake going on.

Then I realized that it wasn't an earthquake.

I was literally vibrating with repressed rage.

Someone had to pay.

I spent the next seven hours finding "a way to enjoy dealing with adventurers". This mostly involved dragons and banning.

Trust me when I tell you that I enjoyed "dealing" with the little bastard who made that call.

I think Jormy enjoyed it, too.

30 Comments:

At 8:15 PM, Blogger Adelle said...

Ugh....how you managed to restrain yourself from throttling that supervisor I don't know :(

At least Jormy went home with a full tummy from the sound of it!

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger Pi said...

O___O[GM]Dave. What if the same supervisor will read this blog? Because if it's the actual dialoge, the'll know who you are.

 
At 8:53 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

I'm sure the same conversation was made to others if this happened. not to mention the fact that they probably have monitoring software on all company PCs like... most companies. but I'm sure Dave could get around that ^^

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger Axit said...

Teach me your ways of drinking while the supervisor is standing right there...

You much skill besides your crafting. Good job Dave!

 
At 9:09 PM, Blogger OC said...

[GM]Dave that must of been hard, I hope you get back for what they done to you. Fight the power!

 
At 9:35 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

should send the pope a link to this blog, that was he could accelerate your sainthood application :)

 
At 9:35 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

way*

 
At 11:44 PM, Blogger Crixa said...

So you spend a lot of time crafting...do GMs get higher crafting limits?
I mean, they're better than the regular folk in every other way, why not that?
What I'm trying to say here, is that you have an addiction to crafting. You may want to talk to somebody about that.

 
At 4:15 AM, Blogger CaesarsGhost said...

Drinking while AT work... BRILLIANT!

I always just do it during Lunch.

 
At 5:39 AM, Blogger doug said...

stealing camps you just hade to get a call like that. could not be something that was good like MPK or something.

hehe anyways good job.

 
At 6:14 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

Oh.my.god. I would have gone nuts!!!!! You should have done something like "Hey Look over there!!!!" to your supervisor so you could have Jormy'd that moron earlier.

You still managed to get me to spit out my coffee all over my moniter. I swear, my boss must think I'm a lunatic.

 
At 6:18 AM, Blogger Philamon said...

I never thought that kinda of rage supressing was possible. You must tell me your secrets.

 
At 6:43 AM, Blogger J0eCool said...

Eh, I've been suppressing that kind of rage for ten years now. Which probably isn't healthy if I'm only sixteen...
Hm...

Anyway, why did he "have to go" so soon? It's bullshit, that's what it is! He probably came in, gave the typical "You can be more productive if you're happier about your job" bag of managerial lies, then went off with other supervisors to drink and laugh.

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger wedo said...

Actually, yes, there are online applications for sainthood.:)

 
At 12:04 PM, Blogger Coholic said...

wow a patient man, hard to find these days, maybe you should have shown your supervisor how to punshish idiots, maybe then you can make a new company motto "if in doubt feed to jormy" that way ffxi will be a better place for all of us. later Dave keep up the good work.

(i'm to scared to call a GM because of you, you keep us all in fear, i <3 it)

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger Furioku said...

ahhh dave dave dave. Temper temper oh well those bitches deserved it. good job on handeling the supervisor i probably killed the asshole xD

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger Krajut said...

I believe wanting to murder your superiors comes with the job. I am also a GM at WoW, so I also deal with stupidity on a Daily Basis.

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger Pyro3000 said...

I hope for your sake that you either used a slightly different story for the blog or your supervisor didn't see this.

We can't lose you!!!

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger Nightwing said...

Noooo!!! We cant lose our dave! He is the only GM of any MMO that has some sense!

And I think you should feed your superviser to Jormy :D

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger Simon said...

When I read the opening about supervising of the GM's i was so excited, finally this piece of trash GM was getting booted.

But no :(. You should seriously quit customer service if you are that retarded. Fucking asshole.

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger Pi said...

Dear Simon.

You fail. It seems you hate your life. Remember, down the street, not across the road.

~Pi

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger tia said...

what maked him post that in a place where people who like dave congregate?
... other that the bug up his rectum

 
At 4:36 PM, Blogger mysticoblivion said...

Dearest Simon,
You fail at life. Please do not come here to start trouble, you are greatly outnumbered and will lose everytime.
~Mystic

 
At 5:28 PM, Blogger noulo said...

Anyone who calls someone who works in Customer Service retarded because they think they know how to do thier job better then the person doing the job is the reason said person is an asshole.

In responce to your unnecessary vulgarity, http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060821 sums it up well.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

*DING*

F&#% F&#% F&#%

That made my day. Plain and simple.

 
At 7:52 PM, Blogger Adelle said...

Simon hates [GM]Dave so much that he has him on the links list of his blog.

Either Simon is very confused or he's just a sad fucker looking for attention. Probably both.

*sends [GM]Dave some JD*

 
At 9:56 PM, Blogger PrincessChin said...

I feel your pain. I'm a bartender, and cuz i'm a girl i'm always watched by the boss. One time I grabbed a guy by the wrist cuz he was gonna leave without paying. The boss grabbed me and almost fired me when he saw what i did.

Fucking bosses always messing shit up.

 
At 7:31 PM, Blogger Kman said...

ha ha ha GM dave I may not play your game but I feel your pain!!! I play an MMOG. Players are retarded....blunt and to the point....stupid

 
At 7:33 PM, Blogger Kman said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger Simon said...

Haha oh, no. I do not hate him. He is amusing, but it has gone on long enough.

Come on! Sarcasm, heard of it?

 

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