Friday, August 25, 2006

Mama Said Knock You Out

Many of you have e-mailed me asking how my mother is doing. I'm pleased to report she is doing just fine and is back in the game.

What? How did she return you may ask?

Well... I unbanned her.

Now, before you start to think that I did it because she's my mom, you are very, very wrong.

I banned her in the first place because she was my mom.

No, I reinstated her account for two very good reasons:

1) It was her birthday and I had to choose between unbanning her or actually having to go to the mall and interact with people.

As much as my mom pisses me off, that is so not worth having to talk to the unwashed masses that infest our shopping establishments.

2) My father was going crazy.

Mom was hard enough to live with when she was playing FFXI. Now, she's very angry and has a hell of a lot of time on her hands.

Not a good combination.

So, given these mitigating factors, I decided to give her another chance.

[GM]Dave>> Hey, mom.
Mom>> Mom? Who's that?
Mom>> You can't mean me. I have no children.
[GM]Dave>> Knock it off, Mom.
Mom>> I can't be your mother.
Mom>> No one would ban their own mother.
Mom>> Therefore, you cannot possibly be my son.
[GM]Dave>> Are you going to keep going with this?
[GM]Dave>> It's getting really old.
Mom>> Oh, I'm sorry.
Mom>> I did not mean to bother you. Please forgive me...
Mom>> You soulless monster.
[GM]Dave>> Mom, it's good news.
[GM]Dave>> I'm unbanning you.
Mom>> Well, goody goody gumdrops.
Mom>> That totally makes up for the first two times you banned me.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, stop it.
[GM]Dave>> I had to ban you those times.
[GM]Dave>> You are pure evil.
Mom>> You didn't have to ban me.
Mom>> You wanted to.
Mom>> You enjoyed it.
[GM]Dave>> That's completely unt...
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, I did like it a bit.
Mom>> I knew it.
[GM]Dave>> But I'm here to unban you.
[GM]Dave>> For your birthday.
Mom>> Really?
Mom>> You're really going to do it?
[GM]Dave>> Yes, mom.
Mom>> That's great.
Mom>> This is like the best present ever.
[GM]Dave>> That makes me very sad.
Mom>> You know what I mean.
[GM]Dave>> Listen... Do you want to come back or not?
Mom>> Of course I do.
Mom>> I can't wait.
[GM]Dave>> Let me just clear your account...
[GM]Dave>> And... done.
[GM]Dave>> You're a free woman.
Mom>> This is amazing.

I have to admit, this actually made me smile a bit. She was so happy.

Unfortunately, that's when she got loud.

Mom>> I'M FREE!!!!
[GM]Dave>> Oh, damn.
[GM Dave>> Mom...
Mom>> What?
Mom>> What'd I do that time?
[GM]Dave>> We have very strict rules about swearing.
Mom>> Oh Christ...
[GM]Dave>> Yeah...
[GM]Dave>> I'm afraid we have to ban you again.
Mom>> But I just got back!
Mom>> This is bullshit!
[GM]Dave>> Sorry.
[GM]Dave>> Justice has no mommy.

I felt a little bad at having to ban her again. And, if I had to guess, I'm pretty sure she wasn't too happy about it either.

Actually, I know she wasn't very happy about it.

About a half hour later, I got a call from my Dad. He didn't say anything.

He just cried into the phone.

Yeah, she's mad.


At 8:14 PM, Blogger Akana-san said...

You're a sick freak! My hero!

At 8:23 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

aww your poor mother. for christmas, get your dad an unbanning gift card, for immediate use on any character :P

At 8:33 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

this had alot of potential

At 9:05 PM, Blogger Myloko said...

Yay Dave! :D!

At 9:15 PM, Blogger Ace said...

Wow, haha that was pretty ood, give her a little taste than rip it back priceless.

At 9:34 PM, Blogger tia said...

i wish i could do the same thing...
i'm not fond of my mother

At 9:53 PM, Blogger TrueStoryGuy said...

He just cried into the phone.

Genius. I couldn't stop laughing. Another great post, [GM]Dave.

At 10:28 PM, Blogger Hutea said...



At 10:56 PM, Blogger WanderingJ said...

Ah, nothing like a little familial torture to make the day worth it. :P

At 12:39 AM, Blogger konekonoarashi said...

lol :/ Someone's trying to steal your older entires and claim them as their own on DeviantArt. What has this world come to. But if you wanna yap at 'em, is their address :3

At 12:52 AM, Blogger Noruta said...

checked it, your defeinately having your stuff stolen. Might wanna get on that.

At 1:20 AM, Blogger Furioku said...

congrats [gm]dave you have caused yet another innocent gamer to join ffxi good job i just started today because of your blog oh and btw you really dont like ur mom huh

At 3:03 AM, Blogger Nyahnyah said...

"Sorry. Justice has no mommy"
Dear lord, I love that quote. Imma jack it.

At 4:52 AM, Blogger Aylee said...

This wasn't funny at all. While I know this is parody.. there are some lines you do not cross.

Oh yes, there were a few funny lines, but overall? (Thank you for the offer, but I'll have to pass.) Raising someone's hopes up and then dashing them like that? Your own mother?

Shame. I feel really sorry for her (even if she is a figment of your imagination)

At 5:45 AM, Blogger Griffon Zero said...

I don't see where there is stolen material on that DeviantArt site. It's Just a bunch of ugly images.

At 5:49 AM, Blogger Akamar said...

He/she yanked the journal entry.

At 8:36 AM, Blogger Triop King said...

good riddance. [GM]Dave is awsome, even if it IS made up. But still, people on the internet these days... its called CREATIVITY people! christ, worse than a subgliar wearing galka...

At 9:23 AM, Blogger Onionsoilder said...

Where can you find these journal entries? because
I can't find them either, only a bunch of weird pictues.

At 9:37 AM, Blogger Kittos said...

mums suck >_>

At 1:34 PM, Blogger Crackmaggot said...

LMFAO. Power over the mom! You could also give an account to your dad so he can play

At 2:07 PM, Blogger Drescher the Great said...

Lol. Nice.

At 10:08 PM, Blogger Pyro3000 said...

you're a horrible person you know that?

that's why we love you

At 2:47 AM, Blogger ProstetnicVogonJeltz said...

kittos, yeah, yours does lol

At 1:24 PM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

She knows how to do a lot more than just suck, lemme tell ya! That's one muff diver that knows how to do her job!!! (Heheh... Muff diver. That always makes me giggle.)

At 8:33 AM, Blogger mosca do ecrâ said...

Well you could always try to make your father into a GM ( or is GMing the family business? ) so that he can manage your mother.

At 8:33 AM, Blogger mosca do ecrâ said...

Well you could always try to make your father into a GM ( or is GMing the family business? ) so that he can manage your mother.

At 8:33 AM, Blogger mosca do ecrâ said...

Well you could always try to make your father into a GM ( or is GMing the family business? ) so that he can manage your mother.


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