[GM]Dave, The Author
Many of the questions I receive in my e-mail are about writing. It seems many of my readers wonder if I've ever tried other writing styles.As a matter of fact, I just finished working on a children's book. It's a special story about a boy who learns a valuable lesson.
It's called "Why Billy Had No Friends."
Why Billy Had No Friends
Billy was a little boy
Who played on his computer.
He played only one type of game.
That was first person shooter.
Billy played and Billy died
For that is part of the game,
But Billy died more than most
Cause damn that boy was lame.
Whenever little Billy died,
He made a witty retort.
"STFU, N00b" Billy cried
Cause Billy was a bad sport.
His grammar was atrocious.
His skills were not quite leet.
And when he lost, Billy said
Some words I can't repeat.
Other players tried to calm him down
As Billy lay there dead.
They suggested he not play anymore.
Actually... GTFO, they said.
That's when little Billy's life
Took a drastic turn.
He decided he would rather cheat
And let them bitches burn.
Billy started spawn camping
And next he started botting.
But as his score was slowly rising,
His brain was quickly rotting.
As his brain diminished,
Slowly dying inside his head,
Little Billy grew quite bored
And played other games instead.
But sports were not his style.
He had no brains for strategy.
So little Billy made the decision
To try an MMORPG.
That was Billy's big mistake.
He'd finally have to pay.
For Fate dumped poor little Billy
Into a Gamemaster's way.
Billy started swearing.
The GM counted strike one.
Strike two came for scamming.
One more and he'd be done.
Then our little Billy
Made a dumb GM call.
"Strike three!!!" the GM shouted
And the axe began to fall.
Billy was quickly warped to jail
His account received a flaggin'.
And when Billy started to whine,
I fed him to a dragon.
And what became of poor Billy,
The boy who had no friends?
I dragged him out into the street
And shot him cause no one likes a retard.
The End
Makes me cry everytime I read it.
I think Billy learned a very important lesson, don't you?
That lesson: don't be a n00b or someone will put a bullet into your brain.
Good lesson that.
[GM]Dave is all about the children.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 1:36 PM
10 Comments:
Oh my God, that is really funny.
You should get the published.
*dies from laughter*
You're and awesome writer, [GM]Dave
There are WAY too many people like little Bily in FFXI. I wish they would all go play WoW, thats where they belong.
I liked the final stanza specifically cause the last line didn't ryhme. Gives it emphasis, and let's us know that you're still the [GM]Dave we know.
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(If English isn't your first language I apologize)
Jesus Luther, Spellcheck!
Billy was quickly warped to jail
His account received a flaggin'.
And when Billy started to whine,
I fed him to a dragon.
His account recieved a flag, in other words... it was marked so that the GM could keep an eye on him for later possible troubles he may cause..altho i guess lil billy never got the chance to make any future mistakes.
I would imagine Jormy gets heartburn from time to time after eating all the idiots.
That was PURE poetry, great job! I loved it!
@ luther....how could ANYONE who types so badly POSSIBLE get a job as a GM? even in WoW?
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