Sunday, August 27, 2006

[GM]Dave, The Author

Many of the questions I receive in my e-mail are about writing. It seems many of my readers wonder if I've ever tried other writing styles.

As a matter of fact, I just finished working on a children's book. It's a special story about a boy who learns a valuable lesson.

It's called "Why Billy Had No Friends."

Why Billy Had No Friends

Billy was a little boy
Who played on his computer.
He played only one type of game.
That was first person shooter.

Billy played and Billy died
For that is part of the game,
But Billy died more than most
Cause damn that boy was lame.

Whenever little Billy died,
He made a witty retort.
"STFU, N00b" Billy cried
Cause Billy was a bad sport.

His grammar was atrocious.
His skills were not quite leet.
And when he lost, Billy said
Some words I can't repeat.

Other players tried to calm him down
As Billy lay there dead.
They suggested he not play anymore.
Actually... GTFO, they said.

That's when little Billy's life
Took a drastic turn.
He decided he would rather cheat
And let them bitches burn.

Billy started spawn camping
And next he started botting.
But as his score was slowly rising,
His brain was quickly rotting.

As his brain diminished,
Slowly dying inside his head,
Little Billy grew quite bored
And played other games instead.

But sports were not his style.
He had no brains for strategy.
So little Billy made the decision
To try an MMORPG.

That was Billy's big mistake.
He'd finally have to pay.
For Fate dumped poor little Billy
Into a Gamemaster's way.

Billy started swearing.
The GM counted strike one.
Strike two came for scamming.
One more and he'd be done.

Then our little Billy
Made a dumb GM call.
"Strike three!!!" the GM shouted
And the axe began to fall.

Billy was quickly warped to jail
His account received a flaggin'.
And when Billy started to whine,
I fed him to a dragon.

And what became of poor Billy,
The boy who had no friends?
I dragged him out into the street
And shot him cause no one likes a retard.

The End

Makes me cry everytime I read it.

I think Billy learned a very important lesson, don't you?

That lesson: don't be a n00b or someone will put a bullet into your brain.

Good lesson that.

[GM]Dave is all about the children.

36 Comments:

At 1:55 PM, Blogger Alerith said...

w000t! First Post!

"And what became of poor Billy,
The boy who had no friends?
I dragged him out into the street
And shot him cause no one likes a retard."

lol. I love it. People at work are looking at me funny.

I just smile back in that eerie fashion.

 
At 1:59 PM, Blogger CaesarsGhost said...

You should've told him to go play WoW... that behavior is acceptable over there.

 
At 2:20 PM, Blogger Skyline_Evo8 said...

Haha, that was awesome. You rhymed "strategy" with "MMORPG".

And what became of poor Billy,
The boy who had no friends?
I dragged him out into the street
And shot him cause no one likes a retard.


That lines wins it all.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger User Error said...

Oh my God, that is really funny.
You should get the published.
*dies from laughter*

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger DeaconBlue said...

strategy > MMORPG

Brilliant

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Solid Squid said...

Last line doesn't quite scan, but pretty good as a one off attempt. You should do more of them

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger Drescher the Great said...

Nice.

 
At 4:21 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

You're and awesome writer, [GM]Dave

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

There are WAY too many people like little Bily in FFXI. I wish they would all go play WoW, thats where they belong.

 
At 5:41 PM, Blogger Kittos said...

And what became of poor Billy,
The boy who had no friends?
I dragged him out into the street
And shot him cause no one likes a retard.

^^; at first i was like POPOPO~! DOESNT RYHME~!
>_>; then i realized the moral
:D yay *hug*

 
At 5:45 PM, Blogger currentlypresent said...

GMDave, I love you. In a platonic manner, but still.

Wow.

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger Furioku said...

Great story and so so true

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger Seiraku said...

Well yesterday I finally had a real call to make about an idiot using FleeTool, so I rang it up and crossed my fingers, but I didn't get [GM]Dave! Imagine my disheartenment! Then again, reading yesterday's post, maybe it wasn't such a good idea :P
Funny poem tho....
Poems are emo! ;)

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger Carrin said...

I liked the final stanza specifically cause the last line didn't ryhme. Gives it emphasis, and let's us know that you're still the [GM]Dave we know.

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger Nightwing said...

I loved it. Freaking loved it. You are a great writer.

And dont send all of those idiots over to WoW, we have enough of them... have them go to EQ or SWG please.

 
At 11:27 PM, Blogger luther349 said...

as a gm of a few games in my day gm dave is not full of crap its relly like this. you get so many retartds a day you just wanna ban everyone in site. but i guess you have to be a gm to beleve what dave is saying sence i was i knoe. no it wasent ff11 but another game and it was no diffrent. you can diss wow all you like but at least in wow you dont ever have to talk to anyone or even party for that matter. being antisocal in that game doesent mean you cant enjoy it and thats why im playing that now. unfortanly ff11 is a socal party type game with the exeption of 1 class and it evently got on my nervs.

 
At 11:47 PM, Blogger Carrin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:49 PM, Blogger Shinkada said...

I know about half of these comments things degrade into MMO arguments, but I'm still going to shoot WoW down. FFXI is really the only mainstream MMO that has partying as nearly a requirement. EQ2 (which I play), CoX, Matrix... Don't require parties.

And WoW? Well, it actually does require parties if you want the best gear for your level (And for any gear-based class, if you don't have gear for your level you probably won't even be able to fight mobs the same level as you, let alone players).

And don't send the retards over to EQ. Hell, don't even send them to WoW; send them back to Counterstrike.

 
At 11:49 PM, Blogger Carrin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Carrin said...

(If English isn't your first language I apologize)

Jesus Luther, Spellcheck!

 
At 12:48 AM, Blogger Chronofantasy said...

GM Dave, just a small suggestion, but I think you should make yourself a site or get someone you might know IRL or something to make you a site. With the money people send you to your blog, you can easily put some of that money into the site.

First you take over MMORPGs, then your next step is taking over the internet, and finally the Universe.

That short story/poem can be on the front page or something, still have your daily blogs, maybe later have some flash movies made, or anything else.

I know, it might be silly, and you probably just like making blogs. A lot of people love you though and your writing, it'd be fun to see a lot more.

 
At 12:51 AM, Blogger Chronofantasy said...

Sorry, just had to add something extra towards Luther's post.

lolWoWGM.

Ha ha, sorry, but you said you were a GM before, I bet you were a GM of WoW once, am I correct? :)

 
At 1:13 AM, Blogger Isaac20 said...

As someone said earlier, I like that last stanza simply because that last line didn't rhyme.

 
At 2:16 AM, Blogger The Answer said...

"flaggin'"? i think you meant "Floggin'", like flogging, which involves whips, usually nine-tails. eh. was just wondering if that was what you meant.

 
At 4:01 AM, Blogger Kittos said...

flaggin works I think o.o;
and it sounds \(o.o)/ painful

 
At 5:30 AM, Blogger Plight said...

And when he lost, Billy said
Some words I can't repeat.


Y'mean there are profanities that haven't shown up in the blog so far?

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger Simatumma said...

And what became of poor Billy,
The boy who had no friends?
I dragged him out into the street
And shot him cause no one likes a retard.


Nothing but the best of endings for such a beautiful and heartfelt story.

 
At 9:31 AM, Blogger Jhes said...

Billy was quickly warped to jail
His account received a flaggin'.
And when Billy started to whine,
I fed him to a dragon.



His account recieved a flag, in other words... it was marked so that the GM could keep an eye on him for later possible troubles he may cause..altho i guess lil billy never got the chance to make any future mistakes.

I would imagine Jormy gets heartburn from time to time after eating all the idiots.

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger azuza001 said...

That was PURE poetry, great job! I loved it!

 
At 1:28 PM, Blogger creature124 said...

@ luther....how could ANYONE who types so badly POSSIBLE get a job as a GM? even in WoW?

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger rockguitarist666 said...

y send them to WoW or counter-strike. maybe they shouldn't even be allowed to play at all, if they can't act right.

 
At 6:57 PM, Blogger tarinakarelia said...

lol creature... most people who make a post berating someone elses spelling, usually check their own so they dont look like an ass clown. look into it :)

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger luther349 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger luther349 said...

no i wasent a wow gm. i do play it thow and i never party and i can take monters easly my level and up. there is the battle arena maybe you played it befor that you get rep and exp from it it does auto party you but your still pretty mutch on your own. the rep unlocks elite items etc that your talking abought witch you can then simply buy.

 
At 1:21 AM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

So I'm sitting in my living room with 4 other people, reading this entry, when I start laughing so hard my friends give me these looks that say, "Uh-oh... I think she finally snapped..."

...Then I made my roommate read this post, and he started giggling just as insanely as I did. And the other 3 people gave the 2 of us looks that said, "Man, I think we need to get the Hell outta here."

 
At 8:44 AM, Blogger BuzZ said...

wonderful, wonderful poetry. 95% of counter-strike right there.

 

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