Few And Far BetweenOne of my readers recently asked what it's like to deal with a player that is both intelligent and respectful.
As soon as I meet one, I'll let you know.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I've handled literally thousands of GM calls. Of course I've dealt with smart, normal people.
Both of those guys were great.
The sad fact is we usually only deal with the bottom of the barrel.
Except replace the word "barrel" with the words "gaming community".
And replace the word "bottom" with the words "retarded, unwashed masses".
That's why most gamemasters are so angry. We don't get a fair sampling of the gaming population. We only get the worst.
Now, some of you are thinking "don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch". That's a nice saying.
I want you to do me a favor. Are you ready?
Go get a few thousand apples. You can choose which kind.
Now, start taking apples one at a time.
Oh, hey! The first one is rotten.
Let's take another.
Darn. This one is rotten, too.
Maybe number three will be good.
Nope. Number 3 is rotten, too.
Now, keep doing this.
Only pretend every apple is rotten.
Some of them aren't even apples. Some of them are just rocks.
How long do you think you could remain optimistic about players?
Answer: Not freakin' long.
Yes, every now and then (read: extremely rarely), we get a good call. A normal call.
A call that doesn't make us want to hurt ourselves/others.
Unfortunately, these calls are so rare that we find ourselves unprepared for them. We're already expecting a bad apple.
Normal calls can be disconcerting.
Just a few days ago, I got one of these normal calls. His timing, however, was very poor. I had just finished several bad calls and was just polishing off my second bottle of whisky.
[GM]Dave was not in a good mood.
Actually, [GM]Dave was pissed off and verging on the edge of being drunk.
Very bad timing indeed.
GM Call Description: Attempted item scam.
Oh goody. An item scam.
Immediately, I assume this person is a complete idiot and the so called "scam" means he bought something for way more than it was worth.
We get that a lot.
I log in to deal with yet another moron. I'm already warming up my Jormy macro.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> I understand you got "scammed".
Player>> Someone tried to scam me.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, this I've got to hear.
[GM]Dave>> What'd he do?
[GM]Dave>> Promise you a Scorpion Harness to cyber?
Player>> ... No.
Player>> He tried to switch items during a trade.
[GM]Dave>> And how did he "switch" the items?
Player>> Well, he put up an Emperor's Hairpin.
Player>> And when I put up my gil, he switched it out.
Player>> Then he put up an Insect Wing to fool me.
[GM]Dave>> This sounds like an actual problem.
Player>> Of course it does.
Player>> That's why I called you.
Player>> That guy should be reported.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah... But...
[GM]Dave>> It actually made sense.
Player>> Are you okay?
[GM]Dave>> Not really, no.
[GM]Dave>> I don't know what's going on.
Player>> I made a GM call to report a scammer.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, but you had a real problem.
[GM]Dave>> And used proper punctuation and grammar.
[GM]Dave>> I think my brain imploded.
Player>> Isn't that what the GM call function is for?
Player>> So people can make emergency calls?
[GM]Dave>> Please... Stop...
[GM]Dave>> I can't take any more.
Player>> This is getting strange.
[GM]Dave>> It's just... I've heard stories about calls like this.
[GM]Dave>> I thought they were just myths.
[GM]Dave>> You know, like dragons
[GM]Dave>> Or gender equality.
Player>> Listen... It's not really that big a deal.
Player>> I'll just be going now.
[GM]Dave>> You're up to something.
[GM]Dave>> I know it.
Player>> I made a call to report a scammer.
[GM]Dave>> That's just what you wanted me to think, isn't it?
[GM]Dave>> This is all part of your twisted plot.
[GM]Dave>> Well, I'm not falling for it, Mister.
Player>> Okay then.
Player>> I'm going to walk away now, okay?
[GM]Dave>> I'm watching you.
Player>> I think you need to get some help.
[GM]Dave>> Is that a threat?
[GM]Dave>> That sounded like a threat.
Player>> It wasn't a threat.
Player>> I was trying to help.
[GM]Dave>> I'm not falling for your mind games.
[GM]Dave>> I'm ready for you.
Player>> Oh damn.
Player>> What now?
Jormungand hits Player for 16,845 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> That'll teach you to use proper grammar.
[GM]Dave>> Thought he had me.
Maybe I didn't handle that so well.