Fanboys
Alternate Title: "Oh dear lord."I don't like critics.
I'm pretty sure we've established that.
The mindless blathering and rambling of whiny little bitches constantly complaining is one of the few (read: many) reasons I drink.
I drink a lot.
But every coin has two sides.
Unfortunately for me, the other side of this coin is just more annoying.
For every critic, there's a fanboy.
They're just like people only not worth the oxygen they're using.
Now, that's not to say fans. Oh no, fans are much different.
See, I like fans.
But how do you know if you might be a fanboy?
Here's a little quiz for you.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
When I read [GM]Dave's blog, I:
a) laugh at the jokes and perhaps make a nice post
b) don't find it funny and post criticism
c) wish that [GM]Dave and I were best friends so that he could come to my birthday party and it would be the bestest party ever cause [GM]Dave is so awesome and I want him to have my babies, even though I'm totally a guy.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
If you answered A, you are a fan. I like you. We're cool.
If you answered B, you are a critic. I don't like you. I'm cool.
If you answered C, you're a fanboy. I hate you. Hold yourself under water until you get sleepy.
Note: making the standard "have my babies" post does not immediately qualify you as a fanboy.
The trouble starts when you're serious.
About once a day, I get a fanboy call. These aren't the people who call to be fed to a dragon.
These are people who suddenly think they can be my sidekick or something.
What is wrong with people?
GM Call Description: Need to speak with [GM]Dave
I was in a good mood when this person called. I had just finished off a report (read: bottle of Jack Daniels), and was feeling pretty good.
So why not answer this call?
Apparently, my fanboy alarms were down.
[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> What can I help you with?
Player>> OH.
[GM]Dave>> Oh what?
Player>> EMM.
[GM]Dave>> Emm?
Player>> GEE.
[GM]Dave>> Oh... You're a moron.
[GM]Dave>> Gotcha.
Player>> I LOVE YOU!
[GM]Dave>> Love is a little strong.
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to go with cautious tolerance.
Player>> YOU ARE AWESOME!
[GM]Dave>> Question: are you using a standard keyboard?
Player>> YES.
[GM]Dave>> Good. Good.
[GM]Dave>> Could you hit the key just to the left of 'A'?
[GM]Dave>> It's a magic key marked "sound less retarded."
Player>> Like this?
[GM]Dave>> You can be taught.
[GM]Dave>> I guess your math teacher was wrong.
Player>> I love you, [GM]Dave.
[GM]Dave>> That's good.
[GM]Dave>> Could you hold on a second?
Player>> Sure. Why?
[GM]Dave>> Nothing.
[GM]Dave>> Got to warm up my stun gun.
Player>> You're funny.
[GM]Dave>> You're scary.
Player>> You should totally let me write a blog story.
[GM]Dave>> And why exactly would I do that?
Player>> It would be hilarious.
Player>> I could be a GM, too.
[GM]Dave>> *warms up stun gun*
Player>> It would be so much fun.
Player>> We could be partners.
[GM]Dave>> I have a partner.
[GM]Dave>> Would you like to meet him?
Player>> Really?
Player>> HELL YEAH!
[GM]Dave>> Key next to 'A'.
[GM]Dave>> Seriously.
Player>> Wait...
Player>> Are you going to feed me to Jormungand?
[GM]Dave>> The thought had crossed my mind.
Player>> THAT IS SO COOL!
[GM]Dave>> You're absolutely retarded.
*warp*
Player>> This is sooooooo awesome.
[GM]Dave>> Know what else is awesome?
Player>> What?
Jormungand hits Player for 11,856 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Dragons are, like, totally awesome.
[GM]Dave>> Moron.
Player>> Can we be friends?
I like having you people as fans.
But, honestly, we're not going to be bestest buds or whatever other crap you write in your diary.
If you act cool, then we'll be cool.
Cool meaning "a lack of dragon-related injuries".
If you go fanboy on me, I'm going to have to put you down.
For society's sake.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 8:27 PM
11 Comments:
HILARIOUS!
I think that fanboys might post: ALL HAIL [GM]DAVISM in every post of theirs... they don't need to want Dave to have their babies to be fanboys.
However, I'm an interesting mix of A and B but mostly a played-down A.. I get the jokes(most of the time) and sometimes post. Crtiticism isn't exactly needed.
I like the earlier posts much better. But good job anyway.
Ohatt, can I call you Moses McBraveheart?
Anyhoo,
"[GM]Dave>> Dragons are, like, totally awesome.
[GM]Dave>> Moron.
Player>> Can we be friends?"
That made my day.
currentlypresent (read: Self proclaimed comedy expert), if you (read: anyone) go saying something is old (read: You don't think it's funny), it is quite probable (read: a definate fact) that someone (read: everyone) will begin (read: continue) using said joke (read: joke) over and over. (read: and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over)
Wickerbasket...
There's a button next to the "A" button. please make sure that it hasn't been pressed before typing.
Dave, you should use some of that fanclub money to hire some bodyguards to guard you against the evil fanboys ;)
You might just need an alternate sorce of punishment for people who seem to ENJOY dragon feedings.
Or not.
You know, whatever. =p
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Reeree says that it is sad that the price of fame is to have tard agro every day in the comments of your blog stories but I don't think that's true.
I think all of you are very nice and it would be super fun to have tea with bears and chocolates. I love bears! (The animals, not the ones from leather bars, although I am sure those are very nice, too).
Reeree says [GM]Dave's babies would be a very bad idea because they would all have fetal-weetal alcohol syndrome and therefore not taste very good, and that the nice men who want to have his babies would probably give birth to a manticore no matter who the other father was, but I don't think that's right either. I bet they would be the cutest Mithra babies ever even if they were all boys!
Reeree says that sometimes retarded players shouldn't be fed to Jormy-wormy because eventually one of them is going to give him irritable bowel syndrome and dragons are not fun when you interrupt their regularity, but I told her I think that dragons have special buggies that live in their 'testines to help digest those kinds of people and it would only be a problem if Jormy started eating Taco Bell instead.
I love Taco Bell!
Lol, great post. A little bit of funny to lighten an otherwise miserable day.
Thanks very muchly GM Dave, and keep up the good work.
On another note, I bet [GM]Dave is taking notes of all the idiots bringing up stupid arguements about imitation and such.
I hope he is.
It would be nice to read a blog psot with one of their names in it.
Very fun.
Aylee, that was awesome. small mistakes, but hardly worth noticing. Very very good.
Aside from that, it would be difficult to find something with those as a basis but perhaps a more action oriented title.
GamingMarket
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