And the Awards Continue...
Don't worry. These awards can't go on for ever.I mean, it's not like there's an unlimited supply of stupidity amongst FFXI players, right?
Right?
Besides, these awards are only for those players or groups that manage to achieve new levels of stupidity.
To these intrepid explorers of the vast wasteland that is retardation, I say "we salute you".
Also, the trophies are fairly shiny, so they should distract you for a few hours and give some of us a little peace.
This brings us to tonight's award.
This winner was inevitable. Truly, these players have been working tirelessly to redefine the phrase "re-freaking-tarded" and take it to new heights.
Or lows.
Probably lows.
These pioneers truly deserve this award for their long hours making each and every one of us glad that we are not as stupid as them.
Or a bullet.
Probably a bullet.
Tonight's award goes to the...
"I'm going to tell you how to do your own job" guy.
Yes.
That guy.
You're in the middle of a party when suddenly someone starts telling you that they know how to do your job better than you.
As if you give a sweet damn what they think.
But no. He played the job this one time with this guy and this guy said he was, like, totally awesome, so now he's an expert on the job.
And such an expert that he feels completely comfortable telling you that you can't do your own job and wants to "help" you.
I mean, seriously. Where do these people get the idea that they can tell you how to do your own damned job?
I don't walk into McDonald's and slap the spatula out of his hand just because I cooked a burger once, do I?
Now, before you think I'd take someone down just for offering advice, let me clarify.
I would completely do that.
But this trophy goes to the people who just get plain rude about it. The people who trash talk and insult other players for no reason.
That's my job.
Now, I'd love to tell you that I got a GM call about this today.
But I didn't.
Oh, no.
It seems stupidity has taken on a mind of its own and is now actively tracking me down.
I was in a party earlier today, leveling my Red Mage on my main character, when the Ranger starts telling me how I should be playing.
I'd imagine the GM call would look like this:
GM Call Description: Could you please come kill me with my own face?
Or
GM Call Description: I'm trying to break the record for fastest character deletion. Could you help?
I guess it was just fate that brought this player to me.
Fate or cruel irony.
Ranger>> You're not refreshing fast enough.
Dave>> Excuse me?
Ranger>> I have a level 57 Red Mage, so I know.
Dave>> Wow. I'm very impressed.
Dave>> Could you shut the hell up now?
Ranger>> You're a terrible Red Mage.
Ranger>> You're not refreshing the DRK.
Dave>> The DRK who hasn't cast any spells yet?
Ranger>> You just don't get it.
Ranger>> You're such a n00b.
Dave>> Is it hard to play Ranger?
Dave>> I mean with drool on the keyboard.
Ranger>> Listen, I'm just trying to help.
Why do they always say that?
If you were trying to help, you'd make the comment and then shut up. That's what good people do.
This is not a good person. This is a bad person.
And bad people are only good for one thing: dragon food.
Dave>> Do you guys mind if I log for a min?
Paladin>> No, it's cool.
WhiteMage>> We'll wait.
Ranger>> We can go on without him.
Ranger>> He's barely helping.
Dave>> ...
Dave>> I'll be right back.
*hops into nearest phone booth*
[GM]Dave>> Hello there, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you don't like having an account.
Ranger>> I didn't call for a GM.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, I know.
[GM]Dave>> It's a new proactive service we're trying out.
Ranger>> Okay.
Ranger>> That's cool, I guess.
[GM]Dave>> We're saving time by banning stupid people.
[GM]Dave>> People so stupid they may be a danger to others.
Ranger>> What do you need me for?
[GM]Dave>> People so stupid they don't get the point.
Ranger>> Do you mean me?
[GM]Dave>> And there it is.
[GM]Dave>> Welcome to understanding.
Ranger>> But I'm not stupid.
[GM]Dave>> Dammit.
[GM]Dave>> We were making such good progress.
Ranger>> You're not allowed to talk to players like that.
Ranger>> You need to be polite.
[GM]Dave>> Are you trying to tell me how to do my job?
Ranger>> Yes.
[GM]Dave>> Let me guess.
[GM]Dave>> You have a level 57 GM, too.
Ranger>> Uhh...
[GM]Dave>> Oh wait...
[GM]Dave>> You're not a GM.
[GM]Dave>> So don't tell me how to do my job!
Ranger>> I was just trying to help.
[GM]Dave>> How about I help you?
*warp*
[GM]Dave>> This is a lesson in common etiquette.
[GM]Dave>> Try to pay attention.
Jormungand hits Ranger for 12,742 points of damage.
Ranger was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> People really hate that.
[GM]Dave>> By the way...
[GM]Dave>> Jormungand says you make terrible food.
For future reference, you are not the best person to ever play a job. You're not. Deal with it.
I don't think I'm the best GM ever.
I am, but I don't think it.
If you're going to make a comment, be nice about it. If you can't say anything nice, you could get eaten by a dragon.
To those people who are willing to put their characters at risk just to give advice that noone asked for, wanted, nor even listened to:
We salute you.
Now, shut the hell up.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 6:11 PM
10 Comments:
[GM]Dave... I wonder if I can /sea all you... lol... but seriously, awesomeness. IT IS TOO TRUE! w00t!
Someone made a blogspace name just to harass us with bad punctuation and grammer.
Awsome.
My favorite part:
[GM]Dave>> Are you trying to tell me how to do my job?
Ranger>> Yes.
*glee*
oh well... i thought FFXI was boring anyway... i know what to do if i need an excuse to delete my char now :)
I agree with you 110%! You are awesome [GM]Dave!
For every person that says the dragon bit is overused, I have 100 people yelling "MORE DRAGONS!"
And honestly, feeding people to dragons is much faster than doing paperwork.
Oh. My. God. I hate people like that. Every MMO EVERYWHERE has those people and they need to SHUT THE HELL UP. The last thing I need on a healing-type character is to have the tank tell me how the hell to heal! and vice versa
/end rant
/bow Thanks for making me get a blogger account just to share my views with you Dave! I know you must be THRILLED but whatever ;p
I think the WORST know-it-all comments on FFXI always go towards the poor Black Mages. Like cmon, our job isn't easy and I admit I have made a few "helpful" comments before, but the person ASKED me for help because they were new at their job...but then there are others who can't respect that someone has been playing a certain job for 2 FREAKIN' YEARS and STILL think that:
A) They're better than everyone and know everything and need to be shot in the head.
B) If you don't do anything THEIR way then it's automatically wrong.
C) THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE SUPPOSEDLY 18 (probably 12) THEY THINK THAT THEY'RE THE FRIGGIN OXFORD DICTIONARY! XD
I HATE people who can't spell...sure, maybe if they're 12 and retarded, i'll give em a break. But for the love of God and Dave, there should be a rule that ALL FREAKIN RETARDS WHO SLEPT THROUGH GRAMMAR CLASS IN GRADE 2 SHOULD BE MADE TO GO BACK AND GET A FRIGGIN GRAMMAR DIPLOMA! Nothing pisses me off more than a retard trying to prove me wrong WHO CAN'T EVEN SPELL HIS OWN INSULTS RIGHT! XD
To my buddy Deathclaw:
1) There ARE grammar classes in our province...maybe because we can actually AFFORD them.
2) We had spelling diplomas in my grade 2 class o_O
3) "I" is only capitalized if it is standing alone in a sentance or starts a sentance. "i'll" is an acceptable use of grammar.
4) "Like cmon" is acceptable internet slang, which is what we happen to be posting on.
5) An emoticon is an acceptable end to a sentance on the internet.
6) White Mage can kiss my ass because i'll never level it nor will I ever sub it. Also, you're the only child that I know and I have yet to see you cry about it.
Buddy, please go get laid. You're so friggin uptight that you're nitpicking things that normal people wouldn't waste hours on like you do. There were a LOT more people on here that did worse grammatical errors than me. Please, go to your nearest curb, flag down some chick, and do her.
Hey GM Dave...could you get a night job at SOE? There are a lot of people that need to be fed on EQ2
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