The 2006 Stupids!
Welcome to the 2006 Stupidity Awards.This week, I will be featuring awards for the five dumbest human beings that somehow manage to mash their hands on a keyboard and file GM calls.
You all know these people. You've been in ill-fated linkshells with them. You've had the misfortune of being in parties with them.
Hell, some of you may be these guys.
These people excel and reach new heights in the field of idiocy. They redefine our concepts of how low our society can reach.
And for this, we salute them.
At least, I think one finger still counts as a salute.
Today's award is the...
"I'm more important than everyone else" Award.
That's right. You've all dealt with this guy at one time or another.
That guy who is his own biggest fan. That guy who argues ad nauseum that anything that he doesn't like must be a flaw in the game.
The GM calls these guys place are so predictable that simply reading the description is enough to tip off a seasoned GM.
Or a new GM.
Or a trained monkey.
Yeah. These guys aren't exactly subtle.
Take, for example, the call I got this morning as I was beginning a long day of work (read: drinking).
GM Call Description: There's too many people in Jeuno.
Now, you can tell right away that this is a pointless GM call. He's practically asking to be banned.
I'm only too happy to oblige.
[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you need help cancelling your content IDs.
Player>> Hi.
Player>> No. There's too many people in Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> People in JEUNO?! That's crazy!
Player>> I know.
[GM]Dave>> Psssssst. You're an idiot.
Player>> What was that?
[GM]Dave>> It means I'm whispering to you, genius.
Player>> Oh.
Player>> Ok.
[GM]Dave>> Wow.
[GM]Dave>> You're not the sharpest spoon in the drawer, are you?
Player>> Spoons aren't sharp.
[GM]Dave>> That was my point.
[GM]Dave>> So you were talking about Jeuno.
Player>> Yeah. There's too many people.
Player>> I don't like it.
[GM]Dave>> I'm so sorry.
[GM]Dave>> I'll file a report right away.
Player>> Thank you.
[GM]Dave>> Do you want to wait while I type it up?
Player>> Sure.
[GM]Dave>> Is "re-freaking-tarded" a word?
[GM]Dave>> As in "This player is completely re-freaking-tarded"?
Player>> HEY!
[GM]Dave>> Are you bad at spelling, too?
Player>> I'm insulted!
[GM]Dave>> On a daily basis, I'd bet.
Player>> Just fix the problem, GM boy.
That was a good idea. Condescend to the man who can turn your character into so much dragon mulch.
[GM]Dave>> So you want to be in Jeuno?
Player>> Yes.
[GM]Dave>> And you don't want anyone else there.
Player>> Yes, exactly.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, then.
[GM]Dave>> I can fix that for you.
*warp*
Player>> Wow.
Player>> This is nice.
[GM]Dave>> Yup. You're in Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> And you don't have to worry about crowds.
Player>> Sweet.
[GM]Dave>> I thought you'd like it.
Player>> Uhhh...
Player>> Why is it so dark?
[GM]Dave>> Don't worry.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Firaga III.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Fire IV.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Fire IV.
[GM]Dave>> Things are about to get brighter.
Vanguard Shaman casts Firaga III.
Player takes 608 points of damage.
Vanguard Shaman casts Fire IV.
Player takes 742 points of damage.
Vanguard Shaman casts Fire IV.
Player takes 694 points of damage.
Player was defeated by the Vanguard Shaman.
Player>> YOU BASTARD!
Player>> You got me killed!
[GM]Dave>> You have to expect a few deaths in Dynamis.
[GM]Dave>> That's just common sense.
Player>> DIE, YOU PIG!
[GM]Dave>> But no crowds around, huh?
[GM]Dave>> That's cool, right?
Player>> Take me back to Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> Why don't you just hp?
Player>> Fine. Whatever.
So, then the little jerk HPs.
And pops right back where he was.
Player>> WTF?!
[GM]Dave>> I took the liberty of setting your HP here.
[GM]Dave>> Save you from all those people in Jeuno.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Thundaga III.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Fire IV.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Firaga III.
[GM]Dave>> Personally...
[GM]Dave>> I'd rather have crowds
[GM]Dave>> Than burnt flesh.
Player>> GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Vanguard Shaman casts Thundaga III.
Player takes 712 points of damage.
Vanguard Shaman casts Fire IV.
Player takes 757 points of damage.
Vanguard Shaman casts Firaga III.
Player takes 684 points of damage.
Player was defeated by the Vanguard Shaman.
[GM]Dave>> Why don't you just hp?
He only died three more times before he finally decided to yank the cords out of his computer and DC.
I didn't even have time to give him his trophy.
posted by Goblin Smithy @ 5:27 PM
8 Comments:
[GM]Dave>> Is "re-freaking-tarded" a word?
[GM]Dave>> As in "This player is completely re-freaking-tarded
[GM]Dave you are truly my hero.
LOL Priceless.....
<3 [GM]Dave
~Mith
Player>> Wow.
Player>> This is nice.
[GM]Dave>> Yup. You're in Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> And you don't have to worry about crowds.
Player>> Sweet.
[GM]Dave>> I thought you'd like it.
Player>> Uhhh...
Player>> Why is it so dark?
[GM]Dave>> Don't worry.
Wow. To think that you're gonna warp him somewhere quiet in Jueno and feed him to Jormy. Poor Jormy goes without a meal?
Oh that's awesome!!!!!!!!! You are so hawt GM[Dave]!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-l_4F-jtM6g&search=goblin%20dance%20ffxi
omg u're really mean! :)
/salute
This is my favorite awards show ever. ^^
I hope Vanguard Shaman gets enough experience off that guy to level up.
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