Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The 2006 Stupids!

Welcome to the 2006 Stupidity Awards.

This week, I will be featuring awards for the five dumbest human beings that somehow manage to mash their hands on a keyboard and file GM calls.

You all know these people. You've been in ill-fated linkshells with them. You've had the misfortune of being in parties with them.

Hell, some of you may be these guys.

These people excel and reach new heights in the field of idiocy. They redefine our concepts of how low our society can reach.

And for this, we salute them.

At least, I think one finger still counts as a salute.

Today's award is the...

"I'm more important than everyone else" Award.

That's right. You've all dealt with this guy at one time or another.

That guy who is his own biggest fan. That guy who argues ad nauseum that anything that he doesn't like must be a flaw in the game.

The GM calls these guys place are so predictable that simply reading the description is enough to tip off a seasoned GM.

Or a new GM.

Or a trained monkey.

Yeah. These guys aren't exactly subtle.

Take, for example, the call I got this morning as I was beginning a long day of work (read: drinking).

GM Call Description: There's too many people in Jeuno.

Now, you can tell right away that this is a pointless GM call. He's practically asking to be banned.

I'm only too happy to oblige.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you need help cancelling your content IDs.
Player>> Hi.
Player>> No. There's too many people in Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> People in JEUNO?! That's crazy!
Player>> I know.
[GM]Dave>> Psssssst. You're an idiot.
Player>> What was that?
[GM]Dave>> It means I'm whispering to you, genius.
Player>> Oh.
Player>> Ok.
[GM]Dave>> Wow.
[GM]Dave>> You're not the sharpest spoon in the drawer, are you?
Player>> Spoons aren't sharp.
[GM]Dave>> That was my point.
[GM]Dave>> So you were talking about Jeuno.
Player>> Yeah. There's too many people.
Player>> I don't like it.
[GM]Dave>> I'm so sorry.
[GM]Dave>> I'll file a report right away.
Player>> Thank you.
[GM]Dave>> Do you want to wait while I type it up?
Player>> Sure.
[GM]Dave>> Is "re-freaking-tarded" a word?
[GM]Dave>> As in "This player is completely re-freaking-tarded"?
Player>> HEY!
[GM]Dave>> Are you bad at spelling, too?
Player>> I'm insulted!
[GM]Dave>> On a daily basis, I'd bet.
Player>> Just fix the problem, GM boy.

That was a good idea. Condescend to the man who can turn your character into so much dragon mulch.

[GM]Dave>> So you want to be in Jeuno?
Player>> Yes.
[GM]Dave>> And you don't want anyone else there.
Player>> Yes, exactly.
[GM]Dave>> Okay, then.
[GM]Dave>> I can fix that for you.

*warp*

Player>> Wow.
Player>> This is nice.
[GM]Dave>> Yup. You're in Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> And you don't have to worry about crowds.
Player>> Sweet.
[GM]Dave>> I thought you'd like it.
Player>> Uhhh...
Player>> Why is it so dark?
[GM]Dave>> Don't worry.

Vanguard Shaman starts casting Firaga III.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Fire IV.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Fire IV.

[GM]Dave>> Things are about to get brighter.

Vanguard Shaman casts Firaga III.
Player takes 608 points of damage.
Vanguard Shaman casts Fire IV.
Player takes 742 points of damage.
Vanguard Shaman casts Fire IV.
Player takes 694 points of damage.
Player was defeated by the Vanguard Shaman.

Player>> YOU BASTARD!
Player>> You got me killed!
[GM]Dave>> You have to expect a few deaths in Dynamis.
[GM]Dave>> That's just common sense.
Player>> DIE, YOU PIG!
[GM]Dave>> But no crowds around, huh?
[GM]Dave>> That's cool, right?
Player>> Take me back to Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> Why don't you just hp?
Player>> Fine. Whatever.

So, then the little jerk HPs.

And pops right back where he was.

Player>> WTF?!
[GM]Dave>> I took the liberty of setting your HP here.
[GM]Dave>> Save you from all those people in Jeuno.

Vanguard Shaman starts casting Thundaga III.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Fire IV.
Vanguard Shaman starts casting Firaga III.

[GM]Dave>> Personally...
[GM]Dave>> I'd rather have crowds
[GM]Dave>> Than burnt flesh.
Player>> GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Vanguard Shaman casts Thundaga III.
Player takes 712 points of damage.
Vanguard Shaman casts Fire IV.
Player takes 757 points of damage.
Vanguard Shaman casts Firaga III.
Player takes 684 points of damage.
Player was defeated by the Vanguard Shaman.

[GM]Dave>> Why don't you just hp?

He only died three more times before he finally decided to yank the cords out of his computer and DC.

I didn't even have time to give him his trophy.

33 Comments:

At 8:00 PM, Blogger Blkdragongirl of Fairy said...

[GM]Dave>> Is "re-freaking-tarded" a word?
[GM]Dave>> As in "This player is completely re-freaking-tarded


[GM]Dave you are truly my hero.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Silver 9 said...

...damn...that...that's just cruel...

Not that I wouldn't expect anything less from Dave, though.

He did ask to be in Jeuno...didn't specify *which* Jeuno.

Love it, Dave. I really am a Dave-ite. ^^

 
At 8:04 PM, Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

Well, at least Shaman is'nt getting Fire IV on his ass anymore..

Will their be any other awards similiar to this [GM]Dave.. I feel like laughing my ass off again.

 
At 8:23 PM, Blogger Pyroelf said...

Player>> Wow.
Player>> This is nice.
[GM]Dave>> Yup. You're in Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> And you don't have to worry about crowds.
Player>> Sweet.
[GM]Dave>> I thought you'd like it.
Player>> Uhhh...
Player>> Why is it so dark?
[GM]Dave>> Don't worry.





That was hawt... thought you were going to ban him to reduce population, but thats even better :D

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger Nazzy said...

Traa laa laa

Can you imagine jeuno without players and lag? I can't :P

Say, Dave, can you please feed some guild campers to some dragons (I'm not sure a single dragon could cope by themselves :P)



Now I must go ... I have to sell james a bridge or two, and if I can find one, an outrageous dummy *grin*

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger HTL2001 said...

Player>> I'm insulted!
[GM]Dave>> On a daily basis, I'd bet.

hahaha nice one. all your posts have one point where I have to stop while I laugh a bit :)

 
At 9:13 PM, Blogger Rez said...

The reign of the burn-king continues.

 
At 9:36 PM, Blogger WindexHamster said...

Funniest line in a long time:

"[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you need help cancelling your content IDs."

I fucking love you.

 
At 9:48 PM, Blogger Mith & Ema ~ said...

LOL Priceless.....

<3 [GM]Dave

~Mith

 
At 10:11 PM, Blogger Artos said...

Jormy goes without dinner?

Some HNMLS is going to get it hard....

 
At 10:27 PM, Blogger Laucion said...

Wow...just wow.

You are a genious. I am not worthy to ever get the chance to meet you.

 
At 11:19 PM, Blogger Avihai said...

are there HPs in dynamis?

Please let the awards continue(read: feed to jormy)

-avihai

 
At 11:47 PM, Blogger Keilyn said...

Oh wow. The sheer idea that someone would report that there are people in a city in an MMO....is fantastic. I hope the rewards just get better!

 
At 1:09 AM, Blogger Daclivont said...

You'll probobly feed me to a dragon for this but, If you don't mind telling me, how can I get a hold of an application for becoming a GM. /em prepares to be eaten by a dragon!

Daclivont on the Titan server

 
At 1:50 AM, Blogger lesa said...

Well played. This gives a new layer to things to be fed to...

 
At 2:01 AM, Blogger Blogger#B-2874 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:04 AM, Blogger Blogger#B-2874 said...

I'm disappointed in the lack of Dragon related violence in this post.

 
At 2:40 AM, Blogger joyc said...

Player>> Wow.
Player>> This is nice.
[GM]Dave>> Yup. You're in Jeuno.
[GM]Dave>> And you don't have to worry about crowds.
Player>> Sweet.
[GM]Dave>> I thought you'd like it.
Player>> Uhhh...
Player>> Why is it so dark?
[GM]Dave>> Don't worry.


Wow. To think that you're gonna warp him somewhere quiet in Jueno and feed him to Jormy. Poor Jormy goes without a meal?

 
At 2:58 AM, Blogger Galkizzle said...

You, Dave, are a god.

*Bows*

 
At 5:57 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

Oh that's awesome!!!!!!!!! You are so hawt GM[Dave]!!!

 
At 6:02 AM, Blogger Renarudo is a nub said...

Hai guyz. Its me Dataflow of gilgamesh the biggest gil buyer of all time. I just wanted to say u r mai hero.

 
At 6:18 AM, Blogger Slaneyder said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-l_4F-jtM6g&search=goblin%20dance%20ffxi

 
At 6:43 AM, Blogger Pascal said...

omg u're really mean! :)

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger Aretha said...

aw, noone accusing you not to be a gm? :| you've got too many fan around you ;_; lol.
funny stuff ^_^ are there really ppl who send gm calls like that? O_o;;

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger Arwenne said...

/salute

This is my favorite awards show ever. ^^

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger Reeree said...

I hope Vanguard Shaman gets enough experience off that guy to level up.

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger Hutea said...

Nice.

[GM]Dave>> Wow.
[GM]Dave>> You're not the sharpest spoon in the drawer, are you?
Player>> Spoons aren't sharp.


Denny's spoons are!!! They cut through steak better than the steak knives.. ^^;;;

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger Avihai said...

scary thought there ;>>

 
At 2:47 AM, Blogger Fircefairy said...

LMAO I am well aquainted with people like this!Moron is not quite explicit
enough to describe them>.>To add insult to injury many are arrogant and selfish thinking NOTHING of asking for gil,and then seem offended when you suggest they farm!*Let me get this straight...you dont know where Sandoria is...you can't ride a Chocobo yet....and you want 50k gil and an escort?*
*Oh see that guy fly past you on the big chicken?Thats a Chocobo*
I would invite some of these to PvP but the killing would be too simple...nevermind they do not know what PvP means>.>
I usually sigh and try to help them...

 
At 2:36 AM, Blogger GM-DAVE said...

HMMM ok making shit up much for sumone that has 1000+ hp and is crying about jeuno being to crowded it doesnt add up... stop making stories up dave your a piece of shit that lives his lies behind a computer monitor

 
At 2:54 PM, Blogger Shiphrah said...

OK, the only piece of shit I see here is gm-dave, NOT [GM]Dave. Regardless of the truth and reality in these posts, people read this blog for the sheer enjoyment and amusement of the story. Get a fucking life, loser.

 
At 3:56 PM, Blogger the illiterate said...

gm-dave... you should spend some time in tech support, so you can truly appreciate the depth and variety of human stupidity.

 
At 10:11 AM, Blogger Alerith said...

Somehow I just knew you were going to implement Dynamis-Jeuno into this XD

 

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