Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Fish Bot

Now, I remember my time as a player. Walking among you in your normal, not shimmery armor.

So, when I received a GM call this morning, I was more than happy to respond.

GM Call Description: Suspected Fish Bot

Now, usually, I don't put too much faith in these reports. Usually, I just teleport the person who placed the call into Mordion Gaol, so that they can talk to our complaints manager.

Our complaints manager, Jormungand.

But the accused was a fisher that I had run across before. One I had even reported myself.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

So, I teleported to his position. Of course, a shimmering GM appears in front of you, what do you do?

That's right. Keep on casting.

I started asking him some questions.

[GM]Dave>> Hello. How's the fishing today?

No response. Maybe he's shy.

[GM]Dave>> Are you there.

No response. Maybe he can't read.

[GM]Dave>> Do an impression of a mime.

Pretty good. Didn't see his lips move at all.

[GM]Dave>> I'm going to move you, okay?
[GM]Dave>> If you agree, say nothing.

Apparently, he agrees.

Then I switch him to his highest level job and move him to the middle of Behemoth's Dominion. Where he continues to cast. Unless he hits an elemental, I reallllllly doubt he's going to catch anything.

Behemoth is up and unclaimed. Some HNMLSes are playing roshambo to see who gets it. I have some time.

Making sure everyone is clear (except Mister Fisher, of course), I set Behemoth to Meteor.

And then I raise him. And then another Meteor.

And another raise.

Meteor, Raise, Meteor, Raise.

I do this for about two hours. The HNMLSes don't seem to mind.

That's when the fisher comes back to his keyboard. And finds himself dead, in the middle of Behemoth's Dominion, and down about 14 levels.

Fisher>> OMG WTF HAPPENED?!
[GM]Dave>> Oh, you are there.
[GM]Dave>> Good. Somebody said you were a fish botter.
Fisher>> $%^$%^$^&%^&**
[GM]Dave>> It's a good thing I investigated instead of banning you.

I think we forged a friendship there.

Fisher>> I'm filing a complaint against you, $%#@^&.
[GM]Dave>> Would you like me to direct you to our complaints manager?
Fisher>> $%#@ YES.
[GM]Dave>> No problem.

*Teleport*

Fisher>> Where am I?
Fisher>> WTF IS THAT???!!!!
Jormungand hits the Fisher for 6765 damage.
Fisher was defeated by Jormungand.
[GM]Dave>> Is there anything else I can help you with today?

I think I'm starting to become a people person.

8 Comments:

At 6:12 PM, Blogger MORTAMA said...

[GM]Dave will you come and solve the RMT problem in castle oztroja for me.
:) :) :) please..............

 
At 6:10 AM, Blogger jakinthebox said...

Damnit, now I want to play FFXI again and jut put in random GM calls (or be the cause of some) just to get to see you in action.

You're my hero.

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger Nukapai said...

In a perverse way, the fact that you've just made me laugh so much I nearly chocked has restored my interest in FFXI... I should play more. :D

 
At 5:35 PM, Blogger Tianshii said...

Oh my goodness!! Are you for real?! These are hilarious, I wish I could see you in action against some pesky RMT. They have ruined the fun of camping NM's for me. I'de just love to see one, or a freakin' botter, get eaten by Jormy =^^=

 
At 3:54 AM, Blogger Kajuta_Vix said...

Ya, your totaly full of shit. You had me going till you "Switched him to his highest job and teleported him"
Furthermore....you honestly think your gonna fool people into believing you fukked with him 2hours and de-leveled him 14 lvls?
get real. Not happening. GM's are timed on how long they're response, and settlement. Anything over a few min can turn some heads. No emplyer will allow you to fukoff for 2hours on one call, espeically when there can be dozens pending. GM's are held to a strict code of conduct. Straying from this can and will get a GM fired in a heartbeat.

I'm Vix of Kajuta. And I Aprove the raising of this bullshit flag.

 
At 3:55 AM, Blogger Kajuta_Vix said...

ya your totaly full of shit. you had me going till you "Switched him to his highest job and teleported him"
Further more....you honestly think your gonna fool people into believing you fukked with him 2hours and de-leveled him 14 lvls?
get real. not happening. GM's are timed on how long thier responce is. and anything over a few min can turn some heads. no emplyer will allow you tpo fukoff for 2hours on one call.

 
At 3:58 AM, Blogger Kajuta_Vix said...

ya your totaly full of shit. you had me going till you "Switched him to his highest job and teleported him"
Further more....you honestly think your gonna fool people into believing you fukked with him 2hours and de-leveled him 14 lvls?
get real. not happening. GM's are timed on how long thier responce is. and anything over a few min can turn some heads. no emplyer will allow you tpo fukoff for 2hours on one call.

 
At 6:04 AM, Blogger Phillip said...

it's a joke blog there is no dave this is a blog made for ppl to have a chuckle GG for taking it serious Vix. Kujata's prized moron :)

 

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