Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Just Play the FREAKIN' Game

Seriously. Just shut up right now.

Zip it.

If one more stupid person asks me how to unlock this or how to get to this new place, someone is going to die. And I don't mean fed to a dragon kind of die.

We just put in the new content. JUST.

I mean would you people actually try and do something, hell anything, on your own?

Right now, there are people who are combing through the new data files, so that they can post all the information about the new content.

Either wait for them or find out by your damned self.





Seriously. The point of a damned video game is to play it and win on your own.

Sure, ask in game for hints or help, but do you really have fun running through a checklist you printed off after someone else mined through the data files?

Is there victory in that?

Today, I came so close so close to just running a magnet over all the servers and watching Vana'diel (and all of your whining little characters) disappear.

After the umpteen thousandth GM call asking for new Treasures of Aht Urhgan info, I decided to check the call queue.

1,493 GM calls pending across 18 servers.

That was when I snapped. Game on, bitches.

I'd never actually seen 1,493 players in Mordion Gaol before.

[GM]Dave>> Okay, you have all been brought here for being too stupid.
[GM]Dave>> You wanted a new area. Here's your new area.
[GM]Dave>> Try out the new quest "Don't Drop the Soap."
[GM]Dave>> Are there any questions?
Player573>> Uhh... when can we get out?
[GM]Dave>> There is no "out" anymore.
[GM]Dave>> There is only "in" now.
[GM]Dave>> You will come to accept it.
Player882>> Let us out!
[GM]Dave>> Remember, kill someone right away.
[GM]Dave>> That way you won't end up somebody's "bitch".
[GM]Dave>> Have you ever seen Prison Break?
Player1265>> You can't do this to us.
[GM]Dave>> I love that show.
[GM]Dave>> Scofield is awesome.
Player137>> plz let us out
[GM]Dave>> Did you just say "plz"?
[GM]Dave>> Poor grammar is frowned upon here in D block.
[GM]Dave>> Meet your new cellmate.

Jormungand uses You Got a Purdy Mouth.
Player137 takes 32,841 points of damage.
Player137 was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Are there any more questions?
[GM]Dave>> I take your silence as cautious acceptance.
[GM]Dave>> Or the fact that I disabled your tells.
[GM]Dave>> Can I help you with anything else today?

If you have already placed a GM call asking for help with the new things we added, just unplug your computer and eat your video card. You'll be saving us both some trouble.

Unless you'd like Jormungand as a cellmate. As I understand it, he can be quite gentle when he wants to be.


At 6:03 AM, Blogger freezinglimbo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 6:04 AM, Blogger freezinglimbo said...

Ah the pure pristine beauty of watching over 1000+ people milling about in a giant room woth now way out. Kinda makes me want to flood the place just for good measure. Sure feeding them to dragons is all well and good, but just think about the fun of showing them the new content from the patch. "Congratualtaions everyone. I have made it so that anyone that dies in this room will automatically reraise. Oh and btw, I'm filling this room with water. Used to not be a big deal, but we thought it would be funny to add drowning into the game. Have a GREAT day."

At 6:26 AM, Blogger Inia said...

I think that, for good measure, the flooded room should then be frozen solid.

Turning a wall into a window for future "clients" may prove salutory and provide the ocassional frozen treat for the complaints manager after he solves some of those knottier problems (that adaman armor is a pain to get out from between the teeth I bet).

At 7:15 AM, Blogger tarusaresecks said...

This was fun to read until you refered to everyone instead of just the idiots. Not everyone places GM calls for stupid shit, and some of us do play this game for fun. Can't you just ignore the stupid shit, not like your job is really that hard. Boo fucking hoo delete this comment!! Hurry fast!

At 8:27 AM, Blogger Quylein said...

LOL classic, Bad Grammer is frowned apon in D block.

At 8:53 AM, Blogger Lora said...

love the blog! makes my day that much better. taru quit whining.

At 10:21 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...


You fail at life.

Can I help you with anything else today?

At 11:05 AM, Blogger Reeree said...

Drowning is too good for them. Freezing their drowned corpses is too good for them. Making them listen to lectures on ethics by taruaresecks is... no, that's too cruel, even for me.

Fire. It's the right thing to do.

Or lonely orcs.

Or lonely orcs on fire.

At 12:10 PM, Blogger Terylieze said...


Did Taruaresecks just imply that customer support was an easy job?

Your punishment is two hours on AOL's support lines with no bathroom break!!! You will be handling all the EverQuest calls. ALL OF THEM. From "I can't find the disk, all I have is this shiny thing, how the hell am I supposed to install this game," to "omgomgomg thiz Wofl just ninja'd our raid! mek him give meh muy stuffz back NOW!"

The fact that AOL has NOTHING to do with EQ is part of your punishment. Enjoy.

At 5:12 PM, Blogger tarusaresecks said...

Yah b/c sitting at a desk, using only your finger muscles is sooooo hard. Really maybe you need some good ol manual labor before you say your job is hard.

At 5:26 PM, Blogger Inia said...

Wow, a naked level 1 WHM would last longer against Jormy than you would in customer service, Taru. Some of us actually have bills to pay, and we put up with jerks like you to do it.

At 7:51 PM, Blogger ilovelamp said...

lol Prison Break ftw

At 11:16 PM, Blogger tarusaresecks said...

Who says I haven't worked in customer service? At least I didn't treat my clients like shit. This guy thinks he's all high and mighty b/c he can feed people to dragons... let's not forget this is only a fantasy world. You aren't actually killing people. Like I said before, this stuff was funny until he refered to everyone as a whole as being idiots.

At 11:41 PM, Blogger lesa said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 11:42 PM, Blogger lesa said...

...then why do you continue to read it? That's just gay. Gay like you have two dads @ Richard Pryor's house in San Francisco.

...and personally I think it's hilarious. Maybe you took it personal because subconsciously you're scared you really might be an idiot.

At 12:13 AM, Blogger tarinakarelia said...

so um... how many of your posts do people need to remind these guys its a FUN blog, and if you take it seriously, you need to be eaten by a 4 headed tyrannosauras rex in between bites of his fruitcake >< cmon people. just enjoy it for what it is and dont worry about trying to piss him off to see if he'll REALLY feed you to the Jailer ><.

At 1:51 AM, Blogger tarusaresecks said...

I like how he didn't delete my hate posts lol. Shows he is a fun guy, and you guys are taking me too seriously. Just trying to push buttons, and you guys are eating it up too. I enjoy this blog, that's why I keep coming back. And I would actually love to do what he does. I've got a growing list of people who I'd love to throw to the dragons.

At 2:25 AM, Blogger LockeTaru said...

Oh... another BOFH... Meh... bad ripoff... nothing original...

At 2:33 AM, Blogger Celyia said...

You scare me. >.> Funny as hell, but... yeah. You scare me.^^

At 8:15 AM, Blogger Mortus said...

I must say, although I am not a FFXI player, I am an avid dragon enthusiast, and would be more than willing to purchase said game just for the chance to meet this Jormungand. I would be the only person with a negative level just from repeatedly going back to Jormungand.

At 9:22 AM, Blogger Kingy said...

This blog is awesome. Just because Dave decided to attack the whole populace does not make him evil.... It only makes him that much cooler. Attacking people for bad grammer is a good thing. It helps cut down the stupidity of today's modern FFXI player.

At 11:50 AM, Blogger moonbent said...

You are such a loser when it makes you feel good to cut down people over a video game. You fail at life and being a helpful GM. Please quit this job and kill yourself. What I wouldn't do to "have to be bothered" like you are. Try working labor for a living, then lets hear you complain. You sitting there, on your fat ass, thinking you are the shit. So sad. You give SE a bad name. I hope karma burns your ass good.

At 12:11 PM, Blogger moonbent said...

Isn't it ironic how you can go about, calling everyone with a GM call "idiots", yet you fail to see your own stupidity. So you suffer other people in a VIDEO GAME because you've had a bad day? Well screw you buddy. You don't deserve to HELP ffxi players. You fail at your job. Please quit.

At 12:17 PM, Blogger Obakeken said...

I've said before, and I'll say it again.


At 1:08 PM, Blogger Jusabaut said...

Oh for the love of pete, it's a spoof and is brilliant in it's observations real or fake about the lives of some ffxi players. Chill!

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Fircefairy said...

Tsk Tsk people please..think about this for just a moment...arguing with someone online is ...like winning the Special Olympics....either way you finish retated! State opinions in an intelligent logical manner and do NOT let some person MILES AWAY....get youe blood pressure to the boiling point! It is not worth it to lose your cool,especially to someone you will never EVER see In real life! Some guy in game asked me to *Whore out * my TH3(offering to pay) I found this offensive,did I call a GM? Of course not ~Black list add player name~ problem solved!

At 2:19 PM, Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

This guy obviously isnt a real GM. All you people critisizing him are really, really stupid. Ok, look he puts this up here to be funny, and it is very comical. Stop trying to be tough online by posting threats to GM dave. Ok, just stop, he's not a real GM, it's fantasy. but it is indeed funny as hell.

At 5:37 AM, Blogger SethOlson said...

Dave your my hero, sounds like alot of fun you have here, just want to wish themselves for death only to realized their Home Point Location has been changed to where they were brought in to enter an eternity of suffering

ColdhartedRagnarok by the way... if anyone wanted your opinion we would've beaten it out of you

At 10:46 PM, Blogger Thorvault said...

Im loving these Blogs man, i came here becuase of all the Dumb Ass remarks about a GM's "Poweres". I got so ticked then i found this site. completely puts perspective onto a day-in-the-life of a GM.


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