NoNo, I am not spending all of my time playing the Beta for an awesome new video game.
No, this game is not the most awesome thing in the entire universe, so much so that I am seriously thinking about giving up sleep entirely just so I don't have to miss anything.
No, I have not given up playing other games or even showering or the most basic of body maintenance.
No, I do not have an epic Beta Beard.
I have no idea where you could have gotten these ideas you silly, silly people.
I've been... Busy.
Very, very busy.
If I hadn't been so busy playing, I'd probably have come up with a better story. As it is, I'm working from some jot notes scrawled on a used KFC napkin.
The notes read:
Yeah, I'm loving this game so much that I can't even form coherent thoughts.
That's how you know a game is good. Forgetting about your school or work or those other people who live in your house and call you Dad or Husband or Hey, I'm Talking To You or If You Don't Listen, I'm leaving You... That's just normal gaming.
No, if a game is so good that you can't even construct adequate lies, then you know it's good.
But I'm not allowed to talk about it. I can't even tell you the name of the Final Fantasy XIV I'm playing.
I'll give you a minute to crack that code, Robert Langdon.
Now, if I can only give up my body's pathetic needs for food and oxygen, I can devote my entire being to playing.
Kind of like Lawnmower Man, but not a terrible movie.
Can we get science on this already? What the hell are we paying you guys for anyway?
Oh, oh. You cloned a sheep. You made a sheep that looks like another sheep.
Let's get on this virtual reality shit already. We've been talking about this for a bajillion years now. I think it's time we made some progress on it already.
Man, why the hell do I have to do everything?