Secret F&%@ING SantaOkay, this happened over the [GM]Dave Blackout of 2009, but I thought it was worth sharing.
Some of the guys at work decided to organize a secret Santa thing. You know, everyone draws a name and gets that person a relatively inexpensive gift so we all feel like friends and not just the random people I happen to sit next to for 8 hours a day.
Merry Christmas, random meat bag.
Still, it was a simple way for me to justify receiving an extra present, so what the hell, right?
I mean, we all kind of know how the freaking secret Santa system works. You spend 15 or 20 dollars on something they want and you get something you want in return. None of this retarded clothes or socks or underwear bullshit that various relatives try and pull.
Plus, we all work for a video game company. How hard is it to figure this shit out? You go to Gamestop and buy something between 15 and 20 dollars.
Or a gift card. Just buy a gift card.
It's not impersonal. It's efficient.
So, we're opening our little secret Santa gifts. Were kind of going around in a random order, but the general trend seems to be holding true. Pretty much everything is video game related and everyone is quite pleased.
Then I get to my gift.
Someone hands me a cylindrical gift. I immediately assume that some mistake has occurred until someone points out that my name is on it.
Oh, joy. My secret Santa has gone off script.
I open it and inside is a mug.
Like a coffee mug.
A coffee mug that says "You don't have to be crazy to work here... But it helps."
No, no. There had to be something else around here for me. I look inside the mug. I look in the wrapping paper. I look around the room.
Nope... This is it.
You know, they say it's the thought that counts.
Apparently, my secret Santa thought "Gee, how can I be the biggest prick in the history of the world? Hmmm...Oh, I know. Mug."
Who the F&%@ gives someone a mug for Christmas? Do I look like an 80 year old woman?
A mug is never, ever, ever considered an acceptable Christmas present.
See, there are two types of people: people who drink coffee and people who don't. People who drink coffee already have mugs and people who don't drink coffee don't need mugs.
It is an entirely useless gift. You might as well buy them a card that says "I don't know anything about you. F&%@ you."
I was searching for the words to express my feelings when I heard someone say "You're welcome."
No, it was not meant ironically.
I tried to look happy. I really, really did. I smiled and everything.
I don't know how the mug slipped out of my hand.
I really don't know how it hit him in the side of the head.
One of those freak things, I guess.
You know what wouldn't have hurt hitting him in the side of the head? A FREAKING GIFT CARD!
Honestly, who gives someone a mug?
Thius is why I hate people.