How Not To Be Retarded - Vol. 7Here's the Golden F&%@ing Rule to not being a total retard.
Are you paying attention?
I'm serious here. You better be memorizing this shit like there was going to be a test later.
Yes, there will be a test later.
No, I don't have any idea how exactly I would make you all take a test, but I'm sure I can figure something out.
The one, simple, easy, perfect rule of not being retarded is paying attention.
I know. It really doesn't look that impressive at first.
But, if you take some time to consider it, the real depth of this rule starts to hit you.
See, the best thing you can do to ensure you not being retarded is to pay attention every time, every single time, someone else does something retarded.
And then not doing that.
This is kind of like on the job training, but instead of learning a new skill, you're learning how not to be a f&%@ing retard.
Oh, someone just did something retarded, so goddamned retarded that you threw up in your mouth a little.
Yeah, you better write that shit down. That way, in the future when you have the choice of doing the same thing, your brain can say "Wait... Why does this seem familiar?"
Through your own horrible experiences, you can actually develop your very own encyclopedia retardica that you can then reference to keep yourself from becoming one of the drooling morons that make all of our lives a living hell.
Just pay attention.
Plus, it will be great evidence should you not follow your own rules and I am then forced to come to your house and murder you.
It probably won't come to that. I'm trying to cut down on the murdering.
Self-improvement and all that.
[GM]Dave's Self-Improvement List
1) get in better shape
2) learn Japanese
3) kill fewer people
But at least if I have to, I'll have some hard evidence to show the jury about why I had to kill yet again.
[GM]Dave>> He wrote it right there.
[GM]Dave>> "I hate undercutters."
[GM]Dave>> Then he undercut the AH by 20%.
[GM]Dave>> Everything after that was justified.
Judge>> Hell yeah.
Judge>> You're free to go.
[GM]Dave>> Can I get my hammer back?
I'm not asking you to do an anthropology project about retarded people. I'm not asking you to do doctorate thesis research about it.
Just pay attention to everything you hate.
Then remember it.
This is not rocket surgery.
Learn what retards do and then don't do that.