Friday, December 18, 2009

I Am Bored, Thus...

Screw it. We're doing a theme week.

There's no real reason behind it. I know I said some shit about figuring out a new schedule, but I just feel like doing a theme week.

So I am.

Last month's top donator has given me an interesting challenge. Instead of a week about how retarded people are, he wants me to explain how NOT to be retarded.

It's like a preemptive strike.

So, I will be spending the next seven days, tonight included, discussing everything that you should do so that you don't turn into a giant tool.

You may want to write this down.

Or just print it out.

Or... Well, you could just bookmark it.

You know what? I'm not your freaking secretary. Figure this shit out.


As usual, after a straight week of my insane bitching and ranting, I'll be sending out a fan pack. The way I figure it, I'll take the 25th off and send out the first pack on the 26th.

Or 27th.

Shhhh. You didn't see that part.

Everyone who was super cool and donated to the blog will get this wonderful fan pack. You will also know that I consider you super cool.

That's a gift in and of itself, isn't it?

I know. I spoil you.

Also as usual, whoever donates the most in the month gets to pick their very own theme week. Your kindness and generosity during the very financially draining holiday season is very much appreciated and I do this to show you how much it means to me.

Too subtle?

Eh, if I had any shame, I might feel bad.

Good thing.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

How Not To Be Retarded - Vol. 1

Come Prepared

Listen. Listen carefully.

We know shit is expensive.

Prism powders, silent oils, mp drinks, ninja tools, food, medicines, etc, etc, etc all cost money.

We are fully aware of that.

And yes, we know you don't like spending your money. It takes time to farm up and earn gil, so you really don't want to spend it if it's not entirely necessary. You don't want to buy things that you might end up not needing.

We totally get that.

If I looked WAAAAAAAAAY down in the deepest, darkest regions of my cold, black heart, I might even care.

It's not likely, but I might.

Suck it up, buttercup. You're going to have to spend money if you want to play this game. You can't expect other players to pull their weight and yours, just to save a few thousand gil.

You're a mage. Your sole purpose is to cast spells.

Oh... You're silenced.

And you don't have any echo drops...

That's... That's fan-freaking-tastic.

At that point, you're not even a player anymore. At that point, you have become entirely useless.

I'm not kidding. You are unable to cast spells which was your only use. You are literally and completely useless.

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be in a party or mission group and have some retarded bastard show up not prepared? Do you know how pissed off that makes other players?

Hint: very.

Additional hint: Die in a fire.

It's not like we're asking anything special of you. It's not like you're the only one who had to go out and buy items. Every other person in your group is going to buy the exact same shit as you.

As a matter of fact, many of them will plan ahead for dealing with complete morons and will bring extra items you may need.

That's some real freaking dedication there.

You? You can't spend a lousy ten grand on food.

I throw more than that away trying to get whatever random hat they're giving away at the latest holiday event.

Your only freaking responsibility is to show up prepared. That's it. Being able to actually play your job (we'll talk about that later) is actually playing the game. Your only job before joining any group is to make sure you have everything you're going to need to help your group.

It's pretty freaking simple.

Still, you'd be surprised how many people don't bring items.

Actually, all the Red Mages and White Mages wouldn't be surprised at all.

Player>> Sneak and Invis please.
Player>> Hello? Sneak and invis?
Player>> Can I get a sneak and invis over here?
Player>> Crap. It wore off.
Player>> Sneak and invis?

Every career White and Red mage reading this just started weeping to themselves. This is what they have to deal with in practically every party because you're too freaking good to buy yourself a few items.

Personally, I think these mages should be given a special spell that instantly annihilates anyone who asks for sneak or invis.

We could call it Barstupid.

If you want to be a good player, you're going to have to put your money where your mouth is. You need to know exactly what items will be required at any given time and you will be expected to have those items with you.

Not in your moghouse.

Not in your storage locker.

Certainly not waiting at the auction house.

Know what you need. Get what you need. Bring what you need.

Congratulations. We've just taken the first step on the road to not being retarded.

Watch your step.


At 9:35 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 9:37 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

Be prepared!

I was taught this by a very wise White Mage.

I never went anywhere without oils, powders and a warp scroll or club!

It would be nice if there were an actual -barstupid- spell. lol

At 10:22 PM, Blogger Christopher said...

My, my, this reminds me of just ... Yesterday ...

As I lost my first stack of sushi of the hour while leveling MNK, the warrior in the group actually laughs at me and says that sushi is too expensive to use on birds, therefore he never uses it ...

So that's why he couldn't hit the broad side of a marid?

I wanted to throttle him.

At 1:05 AM, Blogger Tristan Kain said...

Add following caveat: If you are a nin or /nin (since actual casters never seem to have this problem), -have- the #$&^$%$^ spell. I remember one twit who joined a pick-up run against Ifrit who was too cheap to even have Monomi learned (and this was a good three months after it was added). I seem to remember simply letting him die...

I also seem to remember him being run out of an HNM shell over the flak he got from one of the other members of that run... :)

At 10:14 AM, Blogger Blueyez said...

I try to be prepared, I have moments of stupidity though. Like zoning into Nyzul, casting Monomi and seeing "You have no tools." Wtf? I have lots of tools! Aw crap... in my MH. Honestly I much prefer to use /nin whenever possible for sneak/invis being as it's much more reliable than the spells that wear off after 5 seconds. Though I've actually had to request that some mages STOP casting snk/invis on me... Don't worry, I thank them profusely first :P

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Kainase said...


At 1:49 PM, Blogger Jakk Frost said...

@Christopher: Actually, Dave's point was about spending that extra few thousand (figuratively speaking) gil for items that generally won't break most players banks and makes things easier or better for the party. Sushi makes things better, granted, but the cost is prohibitive.

In my opinion, and I believe most other people's, Sushi is a waste of money, especially against colibris. One stack of sushi is not too expensive, for a long term party. A stack or more per hour is ridiculously expensive, at least on my server, except for crab sushi.

Being able to eat a fresh sushi every one or two fights just means you have way more disposable gil than the majority of players. And you can't even really blame the tank, because all that accuracy is just pulling that much more hate and getting your food stolen.

Personally, I use mithkabobs on my drg, and I've seen many others use them, to increase damage and because they're cheap. Even then I still wind up going through a stack of those per hour, at least. If that warrior in your group couldn't hit if his life depended on it, blame his gear before you blame the food, or lack thereof.

And let's not forget, getting your sushi stolen gives the colibri the food bonus you were previously enjoying, making things that much harder for your party.

At 5:35 AM, Blogger Kenny said...

Squenix even made it easier for people to carry all of these items and to not leave them in your Moghouse. It's called the Mog Satchel! You can throw them there, and if you need an item, just pull it out! You need the space it was taking up? Put it back in the satchel! If I can always have items on me with my massive amounts of gear, so can everyone else.

At 9:46 PM, Blogger Mil'bereth said...

"Being able to eat a fresh sushi every one or two fights just means you have way more disposable gil than the majority of players."

No my friend, that's grounds for reporting RMT...anyone popping Sole or Squid sushi every or every other fight has more disposible gil than I've EVER SEEN.


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