Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Train Derailed...

I was just getting ready to write something when I heard screaming and crying coming from my daughter's room.

I don't mean like regular whimpering or anything. This was screaming and crying like she was getting beaten.

No, Susan was not beating her.

As a father, it is one of my many duties to run headlong toward sounds of danger and distress from my child. Basically, whenever my child screams in mortal terror, I am REQUIRED to run directly toward that sound.

Side note: What the F&%@, Biology? Why the hell am I programmed to go defend my kid?

This is survival of the fittest around here. If she happens to be getting murdered or eaten by a pack of hungry dogs or something, that's just the beautiful circle of life. Who am I to interfere?

Let the kid die.

Anyway, I run full speed to her room expecting the worst. Blood, vomit, severed limbs, whatever. The way she's screaming and crying, it could be anything.

I quote:

Daughter>> I didn't get to finish Handy Manny.

Let me break this down for you: she woke up in the middle of the night and freaked out because she didn't get to finish watching a show like 4 hours ago?

What the hell?

You know, three minutes after we shut off the TV, that makes sense. Feel free to file a complaint.

Daughter>> Daddy... What's that big dragon thing?

No. No. I would not feed my daughter to Jormy.

I'm fairly certain I wouldn't do that.

Still, after four hours, she's kind of lost her right to argue the point. You know, since it is late and she is in bed.

Also, the show has been over for three and a half hours.

And I had to spend ten minutes calming her down and telling her we'd watch it tomorrow. Ten minutes of trying to make her feel better about the thing that took four hours to register.

Man, kids are F&%@ed up.


At 9:40 PM, Blogger Lenwe said...


At 10:09 PM, Blogger Tidusjnr said...

wow Dave that's brilliant, haven't laughed that hard in a while, especially at the Jormy comment.

Keep up the good work.

At 11:37 PM, Blogger Vorinia said...

Welcome to the "wonderful" world of parenting, Dave.
Just be glad that you only have one. I've got 2 kids and have forgotten the meaning of a full night's sleep.

But, shouldn't your daughter have seen the majority of the Handy Manny shows already? My son isn't even 2 yet, and I'm almost positive that he's seen them all (if you don't include some of the newer series).

Worst case scenario... you know what to buy her for Xmas :D

At 8:12 AM, Blogger Ben said...

I've had things like that happen to me before when I was little, where I'd wake up freaking out about something I forgot to do like 3 months ago.

One of the more interesting memories of my childhood, huh...

At 8:31 AM, Blogger Hylian said...

Totally off-topic, but Dave I think you should have a look at this... I'd really like to hear your take on it.


What the hell.


No no, this isn't someone marrying a girlfriend they met through a virtual game online. this is a guy who is marrying the girl that is generated from the game. (for the mmorpg players, an NPC... non-player character). he's marrying a computer program! the girl doesn't actually exist... and has no life at all! (johnny 5, ALIVE!) it's a bunch of pixel displays of a 3D mesh with textures applied that's scripted to give the illusion of movement and screen outputs of text (and possibly sound outputs) and event listeners to react with a pre-programmed set of responses to whatever the user does to interact with the program based on a skewed window of interaction (ie. keyboard and mouse... the program can only interact based on commands entered from these 2 devices which more than likely has been made easier based on pre-programmed macros). What that means in non-geek is IT'S NOT A LIVING PERSON!

2 gay people have difficulty and criticism and life-threats when it comes to getting married, but a man and a computer program? NO problem there! They're REALLY setting the model for proper family values.

"I now pronounce you, man and application. you may now compile the bride into an executable."

even funnier is if you read at the end another couple's marriage was "threatened" by the husband's virtual girlfriend.


I thought this was pretty funny.

At 11:30 AM, Blogger Blueyez said...

"I now pronounce you, man and application. you may now compile the bride into an executable."

Yeah totally off topic but that made me giggle!

At 10:21 PM, Blogger Dorian Mode said...

@ Blueyez: Nice.

At 5:26 AM, Blogger Tyler said...


What the heck is "handy manny"?

At 12:02 PM, Blogger 13. said...

lol... my youngest did that once... she woke up screaming and when i went in there she could hardly talk.. and i said.. or.. panicked more like it... "WHATS WRONG!!!!" and she looked at me and calmly said with a pouty face mind you.. "I didnt get to finish coraline jones" it was like 3 in the morning and i had to work at 6... fun stuff.


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