Thursday, November 19, 2009

Rage of the Red Mages

You may or may not believe this, but I play FFXI a lot.

I know. You're shocked.

The Thing is I don't think you quite understand how much I play this game. I don't think you, a perfectly reasonable, normal person, can fathom just how much time I spend playing.

A rational brain probably can't even perceive it.

I have leveled so many characters, a countless legion of warriors and mages spread across all of the races.

Okay, maybe not countless. There have been like 16 or 17 of them.

Still, that's a lot of freaking characters.

Some of them started out as crafting mules that I leveled up enough to farm their own materials.

Some of them started out as a flicker of thought in a moment of boredom.

One started out just so I could see what my main would have looked like as a chick.

Answer: hot.

I'm not sure I should be proud of that.

I am proud, but I'm not sure I should be.

Anyway, one of the side effects of this process is that I have spent an exorbitant (spelled that correctly on the second try) amount of time playing most of the jobs available in FFXI.

Most of you know my main job is Dragoon. All of my characters eventually end up spending some part of their career as a Dragoon.

But not their entire career.

No, to add some spice to the mix, I like to mix up my job classes now and again, just to see how the other half lives.

Or the other 95%.

I've dabbled in the magery (totally made that one up) from time to time and I must admit I have spent a hell of a lot of time playing as a Red Mage.

This has everything to do with their versatility and absolutely nothing to do with their awesome freaking pimp hat.

Absolutely nothing.

Nothing at all.

During my time playing Red Mage and leveling several characters as Red Mages, I can come to an interesting conclusion: I am not an expert at being a Red Mage.

Honestly, the job is so freaking complex. It takes a massive attention to timing and detail, and requires a lot of focus.

I love Dragoon, but that's like hit attack, hit jump, go make a sandwich. You come back, thing is dead.

Boom, exp.

Also, boom, sandwich.

When I'm playing Red Mage, I just feel like there's too much shit to do. You're always watching this timer and watching that guy's mp.

Don't get me wrong. I kick freaking ass as a Red Mage. I don't do this shit half-assed. When I'm in the pimp suit, I'm always bringing my A game.

But I still don't conisder myself an expert. Even after so much experience.

Funny story: Do you know who is an expert at being a Red Mage?

EVERY OTHER FREAKING PLAYER IN THE GAME!

Never play Red Mage before? Have a barely passing knowledge of the job mechanics? Have you accidentally visited a Red Mage forum? Did you own a Brady Guide?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are APPARENTLY an freaking expert at being a Red Mage.

I know this because every time I play Red Mage, EVERY FREAKING TIME, I am surrounded by people who want to explain to me how I should play my job.

Oh, you need a refresh now? Thanks for telling me. I have no way of figuring that shit out. They should really put a little bar underneath your hp that could go up when you have refresh on.

I will speak to the devs about that.

You know, after I HOP IN MY TIME MACHINE.

When exactly did the logic train derail and kill everyone on board here? When did it become normal practice to explain to other players how to play their job?

You don't see people giving Paladins helpful F&%@ing hints.

Hey, Dark Knight. You should try missing less.

You don't do that. You join a party and you assume everyone knows how to do their freaking job. You assume the tank is going to keep hate. You assume the healer is going to keep you up. You assume the melees are going to lay down damage.

Oh, wait. There's a Red Mage in your party. You better tell that bastard what to do.

What the hell is that?

Red Mages are an integral part to many party dynamics and provide an important resource to any group.

They are not the retarded kid next door that needs to be reminded to wipe his ass before he gets on the little yellow bus.

We got this. We are well in control of the situation.

If you don't have refresh for three or four seconds, maybe we're busy doing something. Maybe we're doing something else and you can wait.

Hold your breath, too. That helps.

Either you'll calm down or you will pass the F&%@ out and won't be able to type any more.

I was in a party earlier and this one guy, a WAR/NIN, just wouldn't shut the F&%@ up. The whole time we were in a party together, all he did was bitch.

HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE MP AND/OR REQUIRE REFRESH.

All he did was tell me how to do my own job better. He questioned my timing, my refresh cycle order, everything.

He even questioned my equipment.

WAR>> Why are you wearing that earring?
[GM]Dave>> It's the best earring for my level.
WAR>> No, it's not.
[GM]Dave>> Yes.
[GM]Dave>> Yes, it is.
WAR>> You don't know shit.
WAR>> I'd never wear that earring.
[GM]Dave>> What level is you Red Mage?
WAR>> 23.

This is a level 65-67 party, mind you.

[GM]Dave>> You need to shut up now.
[GM]Dave>> Forever.
WAR>> What a noob.
[GM]Dave>> Psssttt. Hey, leader. We should totally boot the WAR.
WAR>> You moron.
WAR>> You said that in party chat.
[GM]Dave>> I know.
[GM]Dave>> If I whispered, you wouldn't see it.
WAR>> Man, you're a joke.
WAR>> You're the worst Red Mage I've ever seen.
[GM]Dave>> Wait a second...
[GM]Dave>> How about now?
WAR>> A sword?! You equipped a sword now?!
WAR>> What the hell are you going to use a sword for?
[GM]Dave>> Well, if you don't shut up...
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to F&%@ing cut you.

He quieted down after that.

At least, I assume he did. It was hard to tell after I fed him to Jormy, booted him off the server, and then permabanned his account.

I like to imagine that he then took his own life.

I have no way of verifying that, but it makes me smile.

27 Comments:

At 9:35 PM, Blogger Blazius said...

First!

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger chris said...

Since I play PLD the only thing I expect out of my RDM's is that I have refresh and haste on as much as possible. After that it's all in their pimp hat.

 
At 11:26 PM, Blogger Saifer said...

A complex job, in FFXI? Good 1.

 
At 12:50 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Man, who DOESN'T love the Red Mage pimp hat? I totally want one of those in real life.

 
At 5:14 AM, Blogger Amy said...

I have to say, I get plenty of advice about every job I play every time I xp/do a bcnm/campaign battle/anything with strangers. Therefore, I stopped doing things with strangers and just go with friends or solo. Everyone knows everything, don't you know.

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger tyranastrasz said...

WAR>> You're the worst Red Mage I've ever seen.
[GM]Dave>> Wait a second...
[GM]Dave>> How about now?
WAR>> A sword?! You equipped a sword now?!
WAR>> What the hell are you going to use a sword for?
[GM]Dave>> Well, if you don't shut up...
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to F&%@ing cut you.

Dear God this made me laugh so hard. Great start to my morning. =D

 
At 7:03 AM, Blogger H. Hughes said...

I had a similar thing happen in my last party. 75RNG, synced down to a lvl 61 colibri party, and I used this opportunity to work on my Gun of Trials. After a long while in the party, a Galka RNG in the party demanded to know why I was using a gun on mobs that "are weak to arrows." I simply explained that I prefer guns and that colibri are weak to piercing damage, which includes guns, bows, and crossbows. Mr. Galka got all huffy and on the next bird exclaimed "Hah, 20 damage less. Guns are so much better than bows here." Galka then proceeds to scream at the BRD for not giving him Minuet (Galka RNG never stood in range for it), then dropped the party, exclaiming that we were the worst party ever.

About 2 hours later we take a break to grab some supplies and a new Sanction when me and the 3rd RNG in the party see Mr. Galka RNG still sitting in Whitegate LFG. Cue the waves.

Justice always smells so nice. It smells like bacon.

 
At 7:22 AM, Blogger Chrysalis said...

Dave... this post made my day already. As a main rdm.... i'm totally there and i'm cutting the next guy who starts shit with me. Thank you!

 
At 9:11 AM, Blogger JohnLedbetter said...

[GM]Dave has no character flaws, unless you consider an excessively violent response to minor annoyances a character flaw, and I don't.

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger Nepherael said...

Oh i remember those days. Instead of ending it swiftly, i would keep goading the guy and just not let up with my comments til he either quit the party and called you to deal with me or slit his wrists, no matter how many times they said they were calling a GM no one ever talked to me so i'm pretty sure they slit their wrists. Ah i really need to come back to the vana'diel front. I'll see ya someday Dave

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger Tristan Kain said...

I'm a main RDM myself, normally too busy with doing my job to pay attention to nitpickers. My typical rule, however: If they start bitching, they go to the -end- of the cycle. Tends to work.

In major cases, though, I'll temporarily stop enfeebling stuff just to show them how rough it gets when the enemy -isn't- paralyzed, slowed, blinded, shut up, and -10% defense. They normally shut themselves up after that.

If they don't, well, let's be honest, just a search comment and non-anon is enough for a rdm to get an invite, nevermind a party flag. And rdm can do very very well on their own in Campaign while waiting.

 
At 11:15 AM, Blogger Blueyez said...

Hehe! I'm in the midst of leveling PLD right now, my main being WAR, so I totally feel you on the whole having to pay attention situation :P

Funny thing too, my boyfriend is leveling RDM and we duo a lot. I always joke to him that I'm going to make RDM life a living hell. Usually punctuated by a well timed "REFRESH ME NOW BITCH!!!!"

In all honesty though I do try to leave people alone to do their jobs. I do my damndest to keep hate but even I sometimes get distracted by a phone call or what not (sandwich).

I do however think that sometimes people need to be told "Hey you stupid SAM, those 3 WS you start the fight off with every time make it awfully damn hard for me to keep hate!" If they continue doing that I assume that they really want to tank and more power to them ^.~ DD PLD FTW!

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger Shinji said...

It is indeed an irritating thing to have someone constantly telling you or requesting what you should or need to do. My 1st job to level was actually RDM.. Also my very 1st online game was FFXI.. I had little knowledge of FF Series,or the game mechanics... To put it this way.. I learned the hard way that casting an AoE spell in valk. dunes on a mob surrounded by other mobs was my partie's one way ticket to get face palmed into the sand... and boy how lucky did i get to manage to level up until i learned "Refresh". .. actually there was a group that permanently kept me as a static player until i got refresh and then i became their famous MP whore.. I focused on a system that didnt even let me level an enfeeble to proper level.. that system was "Haste">> "Refresh" >> "Haste" >> "Refresh" >> Rinse and repeat... Boring.. Yes.. But if i had 2 choices of "STFU just refresh and haste and collect exp" VS "LFP comment saying what spells or actions i would only do in a party should they decide to invite me"... I rather pick the 1st choice...which i obviously did... Then Came SCH.. This job required some serious Skill to play.. after level 65+ it was all a cake walk to level 75 for me.. All melee no Main healers or Buffers..only me as SCH to do all of it..Sounded like alot but once you put up the AoE Buffs on partie and kept your MP ability on point.. you can literaly watch some episodes of heroes..time it..rinse and repeat..

 
At 4:07 PM, Blogger BrynneEmrys said...

Worst Red Mage moment ever... when the WAR asks for Refresh and screams if you don't do it.

 
At 6:54 PM, Blogger Mil'bereth said...

"You don't see people giving Paladins helpful F&%@ing hints."

I've played PLD for over 7 years on Quetzalquatl...and let me tell you, If I had a nickel for every "helpful" fu@#ing hint some "1337" asshole has given me, I'd have enough money to cover my subscription for the past 7 years.

Some of them have the balls to tell me I suck as a tank when I die for them to avoid a total wipe when the puller brings a link or some mage AoEs.

Consequently, the get pissed off when I later drop PT as soon as they pull something back afterwards.

Seriously, anyone know of a server that's not filled with total d!c# heads?

Dave...I thank you and your devs from the bottom of my heart for Campaign. I am free from the chains that bind me!

 
At 12:52 AM, Blogger Daniel said...

My rdm got to 41 and stopped at 41. Why? Because I knew shit like this would happen, so I said screw it.

I really like the job too...

Also, I don't know whether or not you actually do the perma-banning that you say you do, but I really, really,

REALLY

hope you do.

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger Dave said...

Seriously I hate it when people tell me how to do my stuff. And of course if things fail it is like 80% of the time the fault of A:The Healer, B: the CC-er, C:The Tank. I mean god forbid that they'd give a second to think that the DPS'ers being retards and aggroing too much shit and that as a tank you only have a certain amount of skills to keep up hate on a limited amount of targets might be the cause ... gods I hate DPS-ers ... and people that tell me how to play my class ... incidentally these two types of people tend to overlap a lot .. I wonder why ...

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger Leut said...

Hey you're not doing your blog right. Someone should teach you how to do a blog. I've posted like 4 entries on my blog on MySpace, a website that everyone totally still uses, and that makes me an expert on blogs.

You're a blog noob.

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

as a RDM main, you really don't have to worry too much about that at merit levels. most of the time you're the only one with MP, and after that it;s just a bunch of DDs and maybe a cor and/or brd.


Also, if anyone does Nyzul, I've noticed people who ONLY level DD jobs tend to mess up more than mages.

Actually, that could be said about anything.

not saying all of them do, but most. It's one of the reasons you don't have to think much on a DD.

 
At 7:21 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

Some of my favorite people are red mages! I played PLD for fun with friends on Quetzy so I never told anyone how to do their job... until I witnessed a complete idiot that did not know the first thing about tanking - PROVOKE!

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Charles said...

"If I had a nickel for every "helpful" fu@#ing hint some "1337" asshole has given me, I'd have enough money to cover my subscription for the past 7 years."

The same goes for me (on WHM) in terms of having "HEAL!!1" shouted at me. It's like... what else do you think I am doing on this job?

 
At 10:06 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

We all know that White Mages melee!

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger Charles said...

lol clearly. That and nuking with banish of course.

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger Tadferd said...

Actually, I've seen a successful WHM/NIN with dual clubs kiss some serious ass soloing.

 
At 2:34 AM, Blogger Tim said...

Had similair stuff like this happen to me in wow, yes wow... Was playing my resto druid (healer) and then a tank died so within nano-seconds I ressed him (we can do this once every 20 min's to prevent wipe's), but unfortunantly he got oneshotted and died again

So it didn't prevent the wipe and then I had this raid leader tuping in raid chat before we wiped ofc RESS THE TANK RESS THE TANK. So when we all came back for a new try he started to try and explain me that when a tank or healer dies I should ress those with that cd ress... I plainly replied Druids cant do that... we are the only class not capable of ressing people... then we went in discussion with some other noobs in that group... oh it was fun... succesfull trol was... succesfull... but after that they minded there own business... ah good time's!

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger Christopher said...

I think I feel your pain. I join a party and all of a sudden everyone is an expert at my job. I play a freaking COR, people! If we are the least populous job in FFXI, then why is everyone else a freaking expert?

This is in level 75 parties, too. I would expect that someone who is 75 already knew their job.

Apparently I blindly stumbled my way to level 75.

"Why do I only have 1 roll up!?"
Why is the Corsair Meleeing!?!?
Why don't you use this roll!?

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger bssfs said...

as a SAM player i have alot of respect for red mages. the only time i ever think i may have complained about one is late at night where everyone in the party is certain that the player has fallen or has nearly fallen asleep.

that being said RDM do everything compared to my incompetent ass, and for that i love them <3.

that being said, i get TONS of shit for playing as a SAM. i'm a fucking DD, shit doesnt get more simpler than that, but then i get into a colibri party and there is always someone bitching about me using a GK. (granted i went and leveled my spear anyway, only to never see the damn birds again.)

y'know i understand that if someone wants things to be done well, things must be sacrificed. but i dont think anyone needs the obvious blurted in their face without an instant solution.

 

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