Next On Intervention...Recently, I've been taking stock of my life. I've been sort of... Auditing my general existence.
In doing so, I have made a huge discovery.
I have an addiction.
Wow. Just saying it makes me feel better. It's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
This has been going on for a long time. I've tried to deny it and explain it away with reasons and excuses.
Not any more. It's time for me to be honest about this.
I am an addict.
No, no. I don't mean FFXI.
That's not addiction. It's a carefully nurtured and maintained obsession.
Very big difference.
Are you serious?
I'm not addicted to alcohol. That's just plain crazy.
I only need alcohol to function at any point and in any given situation. It helps me wake up in the morning, go to sleep at night, and take the edge off everything in between.
That's not addiction. That's just survival.
No, my addiction is much darker, much more frightening.
I'm addicted to hacking game systems.
*ominous roll of thunder*
I'm not sure when it started. Sure, I messed around with Game Genies and Action Replay discs in my time, but they were only passing interests.
You know, youthful experimentation.
Slowly though, a pattern began to emerge. At first, with my PC, it was your basic cracking and whatnot. You know, trying to get around copy protection or unlock full version games.
This was just playing around. I wasn't exactly dialing into WOPR or anything.
Then came the consoles.
As soon as they started putting memory card slots on everything, I started to lose control. The SD card slot on my Wii, the memory stick on my PSP.
They were calling to me, taunting me.
I couldn't resist.
Pretty soon, I was running custom firmware and installing cIOSes all over the place. If it had a memory card of some kind, I was doing everything in my power to pervert its very nature.
My PSP plays Super Mario World.
There is something inherently evil about that concept, but I couldn't help myself.
Why the hell do I need Super Mario World on my PSP?
I OWN SUPER MARIO WORLD AND A FUNCTIONING SNES!
Hell, I probably own three or four copies.
And yet, I went out of my way to exploit the PSP to make it do things it was never intended to do, things that are just plain wrong.
Seriously. Super Mario World.
And my Wii?
Well... Well, that plays Super Mario World, too.
I have no idea why I need two active consoles with Super Mario World-related capabilities.
I also have no idea why this is apparently the only thing I do with my modified systems.
You'd think I would be doing the downloading with the hey hey and the who now. Most people install CFW and modify their systems to play pirated games.
Or they try and create new multimedia platforms based on homebrew software.
Me? Super Mario World.
It's an illness. A terrible, disgusting illness.
I need help.
No, seriously. I need help. I'm playing on my PSP right now and I can't remember where the red and green switches are located.
... I'm sick.