Friday, October 30, 2009

Next On Intervention...

Recently, I've been taking stock of my life. I've been sort of... Auditing my general existence.

In doing so, I have made a huge discovery.

I have an addiction.

Wow. Just saying it makes me feel better. It's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

This has been going on for a long time. I've tried to deny it and explain it away with reasons and excuses.

Not any more. It's time for me to be honest about this.

I am an addict.

No, no. I don't mean FFXI.

That's not addiction. It's a carefully nurtured and maintained obsession.

Very big difference.

Alcohol?

Are you serious?

I'm not addicted to alcohol. That's just plain crazy.

I only need alcohol to function at any point and in any given situation. It helps me wake up in the morning, go to sleep at night, and take the edge off everything in between.

That's not addiction. That's just survival.

Pictured: Daddy's Happy Juice

No, my addiction is much darker, much more frightening.

I'm addicted to hacking game systems.

*ominous roll of thunder*

I'm not sure when it started. Sure, I messed around with Game Genies and Action Replay discs in my time, but they were only passing interests.

You know, youthful experimentation.

Slowly though, a pattern began to emerge. At first, with my PC, it was your basic cracking and whatnot. You know, trying to get around copy protection or unlock full version games.

This was just playing around. I wasn't exactly dialing into WOPR or anything.

Then came the consoles.

As soon as they started putting memory card slots on everything, I started to lose control. The SD card slot on my Wii, the memory stick on my PSP.

They were calling to me, taunting me.

I couldn't resist.

Pretty soon, I was running custom firmware and installing cIOSes all over the place. If it had a memory card of some kind, I was doing everything in my power to pervert its very nature.

My PSP plays Super Mario World.

There is something inherently evil about that concept, but I couldn't help myself.

Why the hell do I need Super Mario World on my PSP?

I OWN SUPER MARIO WORLD AND A FUNCTIONING SNES!

Hell, I probably own three or four copies.

And yet, I went out of my way to exploit the PSP to make it do things it was never intended to do, things that are just plain wrong.

Seriously. Super Mario World.

And my Wii?

Well... Well, that plays Super Mario World, too.

I have no idea why I need two active consoles with Super Mario World-related capabilities.

I also have no idea why this is apparently the only thing I do with my modified systems.

You'd think I would be doing the downloading with the hey hey and the who now. Most people install CFW and modify their systems to play pirated games.

Or they try and create new multimedia platforms based on homebrew software.

Not me.

Me? Super Mario World.

That's it.

It's an illness. A terrible, disgusting illness.

I need help.

No, seriously. I need help. I'm playing on my PSP right now and I can't remember where the red and green switches are located.

... I'm sick.

10 Comments:

At 9:23 PM, Blogger Music-chan said...

"That's not addiction. It's a carefully nurtured and maintained obsession."

I am going to steal--I mean, borrow this line whenever I refer to any of the video games I play.

 
At 5:01 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Green switch is to the left of the second area of the second island. Donut Plains or something? I forget, it's been a while.

Red switch... I think it's in the forest area somewhere. I think you need the secret exit from the water stage.

I wanted to hax my new PSP, but apparently they can't be hacked as of yet. I are sad Bufu ;_;

 
At 9:26 AM, Blogger E said...

Red switch isn't in the forest, that's the blue switch. (Which is from the secret exit of the water level on the right side of the map)

Red switch is in the vanilla dome, secret exit from the water level (I believe it's the second one).

Green switch is in the Donut Plains cave level, secret exit up through a pipe in the roof right near the start, then you throw the blue shell up at the highest block to make the vine come out.

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger sRc said...

hahaha, Super Mario World.

I have my PSP CFW'd too, so I can play my PSX games on it. really cant focus on playing them on a screen that has a bajillion times the resolution the game was designed to run on, for some reason.

my Wii I CFW'd intending to use it to watch stuff on one of my extra monitors, but then I haven't done anything with it since then so I'll probly just switch back to normal

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

I've hacked both my wii and PSP...

The reason of the wii was because I wanted to play chrono trigger on my TV, they hadn't relased it on the VC yet so, why not?

I also own Final Fantasy Chronoicals, but the load times are horrible for a PSX game... oh and I even bought the DS remake when it came out...

My PSP, well, that's simple, I wanted to play Final Fantasy 7-9 and CT on it. I have the games, I ripped the games, I converted the games. A month or two ago they put FF7 on the PSN... But unlike Chrono Trigger, while I like 7, it was my first FF. I tend to like Chrono Trigger more. I will buy CT if they put it on the VC, hell, I'll buy it off the PSN, especially whenever I get a PS3.

Your addiction is putting Super Mario world on consoles that were not (at the time) intended to run it...

Mine... Chrono Trigger...

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger e- said...

Installing an Apple //e emulator in a Dos Window running under Windows XP from Boot Camp on a Mac Power Book, just to get your character smashed in Microwave with the first polyphonic music on a bittwwddler speaker ever is far more serious.

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger AKFrost said...

to fight it, here's some food for thought.

http://kotaku.com/5394362/strippers-or-counter+strike---which-gets-a-gamers-attention/gallery/

don't ban me.

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

You know Dave, you might actually have a real addiction to Super Mario World.
Might I remind you about one of your deepest regrets, the one where you passed up the chance to have sex with two teenage girls. Remember what you did instead? You went home and played Super Mario World.

It's ruined your life, man. Ruined it.

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger Leut said...

I'm not addicted to porn. I have a nurtured and maintained obsession with it.

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger Katherine said...

Will this month's fan pack come with a "how to" guide? Cause... that's just interesting!

 

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