So Goddamn SimpleWhat the hell has gone wrong with Trick or Treaters?
I realize kids these days have got the attention span of your average mosquito, but the very least these little bastards can do is put on a freaking costume.
The Halloween relationship is an incredibly simple one. You dress up in a costume, I provide candy.
That's it. This is not some sort of complex interaction.
And yet, I open my door Saturday night and I'm greeted with people wearing jeans and backwards hats.
What the sweet bacon Jesus hell?
Just... Just wear a mask or something. Give me something to work with so that I can at least feel like I'm not just giving food away for no reason.
I'm not asking for a lot. I'm not asking for some intricate play with thought-provoking themes and memorable characters.
I do, however, have some full size snickers bars prepared for just such an occasion.
But give me something, anything.
Just wear... Something.
A mask. A wig. Some make up.
If you're just going around not wearing a costume, then you're not trick or treating. At that point, you're just actively begging for food.
Granted, you're being proactive and going to people's houses to beg. You are the go getter of the homeless panhandler crowd.
Still, you're just begging for food.
Congratulations. You're dressed as a moron.
Next year, and I'm not kidding, I am going to beat the ever-loving shit out of the first kid who shows up at my door without a costume. I am going to go medieval on his ass.
I dare any police officer arresting me to tell me he wouldn't do the same.
I'll be out in less than an hour, sitting outside, eating a freaking bite-sized Kitkat bar, and waiting for the next retard to show up.
That probably won't be a long wait.