Saturday, October 03, 2009

When World's Collide

Okay, I'm going to level with you here. I'm going to tell you the secret known only to GMs.

Being a GM is not the glamorous job you might think it is.

I know, I know. When you picture the GM offices, you probably think of a huge party, music blasting, and tons of celebrities hanging out.

Surprisingly, that's not actually what it's like.

We spend a great deal of our time just sitting around and waiting. There's not a hell of a lot to do between calls, so for a lot of our day is just getting paid for doing nothing. Either no one is making GM calls or we're too busy ignoring them to care.

Yes, I know my job is more awesome than yours.

No, you can't work here.

So, yesterday, we were sitting around playing a new game I invented called "make the intern answer the fish bot calls until he cries" when one of the guys starts to talk about video games.

Some people might think we were kind of obsessed with video games, but that's only because we are.

Anyway, the conversation eventually gets around to famous video game characters and what job class they'd be in FFXI.

That's some deep shit right there.

Ash Ketchum - Beastmaster, obviously

I mean, the kid catches animals for a living and then forces them to take part in vicious battles against other animals.

That's the definition of a Beastmaster.

Or Michael Vick.

Kirby - Blue Mage

The basic premise behind Kirby is that he can steal and use the powers of his enemies. Once he is exposed to an attacker, he can then use that attacker's abilities.

Blue Mages do the exact same thing.

The only difference is that Kirby does it by ingesting his enemies and absorbing their powers as they die slowly, being digested over a thousand years.

The devs decided to leave that particular animation out of the Blue Mage.

Mario - Dragoon

He jumps on things.

This isn't rocket science, people.

Link - Paladin

I kind of labored over this one. Theoretically, he could be a Warrior. He runs around stabbing things with a sword.

Also, vandalizing lawns and pottery.

But considering he carries a sword and a shield, I'd have to lean towards Link being a Paladin.

What bothers me is that he really doesn't have the best defense. His "armor" basically amounts to a green tunic he's been wearing for over a decade.

Also, his HP is somewhere around 4.

Basically, Link is a bitch Paladin.

Sonic - ... Thief?

I'm stretching here, but only because Sonic is a retarded character.

Yeah, sure. His older games were really good. There's no denying that.

That still doesn't change the fact that he's a blue hedgehog that spins in a circle and collects rings for no apparent reason.

He doesn't even have a weapon.

Still, the speed thing means he has flee. Therefore, Thief.

I didn't say I put a lot of thought into it.

Ironically, the amount of time he spends using Flee seems like a movement hack. If he were actually a player in FFXI, I'd have banned him long ago.

Go hang out with Tails, cheater.

Then... Then someone asked the inevitable question:

Guy>> What job would Cloud Strife be?

Cloud Strife - Take a shot in the dark.

He's skinny, effeminate, and is obviously emo.

He also has a penchant for giant swords.

Gee... I'm going to have to go with White Mage on that one.

As much as it pains me to say it, I'd have to say Cloud Strife was solidly in the Dark Knight column.

He runs around with incredibly large swords (that are totally not at all phallic) while looking sad and listening to Dashboard Confessional.

Until the devs create a new job called Cutter, I'm pretty sure we have to give Cloud to the DRK side.

See what I did there?

Honestly though, that really pisses me off. The DRKs get Cloud and who do the DRGs get from that game?

That's right. Cid.

Hey, we got the third string old guy.

Yay.

That's totally fair.

Even the Monks got Tifa. Yes, anatomically questionable Tifa was a MNK.

On the bright side, at least we didn't get stuck with that little bitch Yuffie. If Yuffie had been a Dragoon, I'd probably have to kill myself.

I pity the poor job that got stuck with her.

Suck it, Thieves.

Jesus. Thieves got stuck with Sonic and Yuffie. They're one wheelchair away from being a Special Olympics dream team.

We were busy trying to figure out what in the hell class we could put Barrett in when our supervisor came out of his office and told us to get to work or go the hell home for the day.

I hate being told what to do.

On the bright side, LONG WEEKEND! WOO!

26 Comments:

At 9:07 PM, Blogger CalebGarwin said...

technically wouldnt yuffie be a ninja? i mean i know thf = puller in almost all situation unless a rng is present but yuffie even says shes a ninja in the game!

 
At 9:47 PM, Blogger Yondaime said...

Oddly enough, I just had a RNG that said RNGs weren't meant to pull. You have a bow and arrow. Therefore, you are a puller.

Stop subbing SAM to EXP and get your /NIN and dual Trailer's Kukri.

 
At 11:07 PM, Blogger Kinam said...

yes yes CalebGarwin, she "says" she's a ninja, but she's a thief... she's all about stealin your materia (while you're not looking).

She doesn't make multiple copies of herself or use any mystical oragami things to perform spells ...

Here's one to try to figure out where it'd go ... you already put Link as a PLD, which I can see it's rights, but... what about his nemesis: Gannnon? ... He can go from being humanoid to being a huge beast, and is purely evil. ...

 
At 1:07 AM, Blogger dragonsvsvampires said...

Barret = Corsair.

Reasoning. Barret has a god damn gun on his arm. Corsair is the only job that can use a gun. Vincent also fits into this job. But he also turns into a big ass demon so maybe he could pull of Summoner.

But yeah. Yuffie sucks. And I kinda like Cloud and consider myself best suited to either BLM or DRK so I can't complain with that.

Who does Red XIII fit into then? I kinda put him in the red mage category cause of his HP MP regen Limit breaks. I could be wrong.

I must ask though. WHO the fuck fits into the BLM category from classic games? I get sonic and the rest of them... but nothing jumps to mind about a BLM.

 
At 6:21 AM, Blogger Katherine said...

"technically wouldnt yuffie be a ninja? i mean i know thf = puller in almost all situation unless a rng is present but yuffie even says shes a ninja in the game!"

Um... for me that just makes her more solidly a thf. No, think about it! How many thf do you know who think or act like they can do the ninja tank thing? Yeah. Case closed.

 
At 7:34 AM, Blogger Chrysalis said...

Katherine: I'm with ya! I was thinking as I read that I've seen a few too many thieves going "oh oh im neenja... look at l33t me!!!" They need to go hang out with Keanu...

For the last time.. you do NOT know Kung Fu! *laughs*

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger Sword said...

You guys forget Subjobs.

Cloud- DRK/WAR
Like Dave said he's a emo bitch who wield's big swords.

Tifa- MNK/COR
She uses her fists and her limit breaks use a slot machine much like Corsairs "Dice Roll" abilities.

Cait Sith- PUP/COR
A Puppet Cat, that controls a big puppet Mog, nuff said. His general character and abilities make's him a bit of a gambler though.

Barret- RNG/MNK
He uses gun arms and has lots of hp.

Aerith- WHM/RDM
No brainer here all her abilties and limits usually revolved around healing and party buffing.

Cid- DRG/RNG
Dragoon is qutie obvious, RNG is'nt but he is the most mechanically inclined and brings out the heavy artiliry with the Highwind.

Red XIII- RDM/BST
Buffs and MP are his thing, but being a beast himself kind of reflects empathy and communication with other spieces of the animal kingdom.

Yuffie- NIN/THF
She prides herself a first class theif, but she was born and trained as a ninja first.

Vincent- COR/DRK
Vincent I really had trouble distinguishing. His abilities to transform into various beasts make's him hard to define. However using them is a gamble, because you have no control over them. His dark presence and lycan abilities make's him appear demonic to others fitting of a DRK, only without the emo shit.

 
At 4:44 PM, Blogger Hulyen said...

"I must ask though. WHO the fuck fits into the BLM category from classic games? I get sonic and the rest of them... but nothing jumps to mind about a BLM."

Vivi.

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger Cidolfas said...

Rydia, Terra, Rinoa, Vivi, Lulu. Enough?

 
At 5:58 PM, Blogger Dxoh said...

Er... Rydia was a summoner... Terra could be classed summoner... since she was half esper and could transform.

Rinoa, Vivi, and Lulu aren't 'classic' yet. As such, are invalid examples for the particular question.

 
At 7:59 PM, Blogger Dxoh said...

Samus Aran would be a ranger, I guess? And Solid Snake... Ninja definately. :) Hmm... Mario could be a Drg/Bst, because of Yoshi.

Wtf would Lara Croft be? Rng/Thf?

 
At 10:00 PM, Blogger David said...

Who would be a BLM from classic games?

Sypha Belnades (Castlevania 3)
Magus (Chrono Trigger)
Palom (Final Fantasy 4)
Gannon (Zelda)

 
At 6:30 AM, Blogger Cidolfas said...

Just saying they could certainly fall into the Black Mage category if you're looking for characters to do so. 8-)

As for what game is and isn't a classic, that's completely in the eye of the beholder. FF8 has been out for almost 10 years already. To put it in perspective, in the year 2000 the original Final Fantasy had been out for 10 years.

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger Dxoh said...

'Classic' is not in the eye of the beholder. In order to be called a classic, something must be sufficiently aged (like a fine wine!), and inspire respect and devotion. Point being... a game like ET certainly is old enough... but nobody respects that thing. And Halo may not be quite old enough... but I'd say it has enough devotion for it to be 'classic'.

Really, FFVIII is really on the cusp. Not quite old enough, and it really hasn't inspired a huge amount of devotion, like VII and previous FFs did.

Put it in perspective... Cars typically aren't seen as 'classic' until they are 20ish years, if they are well made models.

 
At 9:10 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Wait, did we play the same game? Cid was awesome, Dave! #@$#$@#$%@#$!

Also, I like the idea of Mario summoning dragons to fight alongside him. That would make for an awesome new game.

Regarding Link, I think he'd still be a Warrior. After all, Warriors can equip shields too (IIRC), they have a crapload of other equipment options, and they're mostly good for killing shit. Sounds a lot like Link to me.

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger Blake said...

best. post. evar. rofl.

 
At 2:51 PM, Blogger Leut said...

Yeah. Well try to have a conversation with your friends to determine what class you'd be if you were living in the FF multiverse. And you can't pick your own class. You can only choose what your friends would be.

 
At 6:46 PM, Blogger CalebGarwin said...

megaman = blu (hey look he's even blue!)

the mage from gauntlet is the only character i can think of that fits the blm without fitting into tons of other jobs

 
At 9:04 PM, Blogger Atomic Skull said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 9:05 PM, Blogger Atomic Skull said...

Yondaime: BRD and COR is a puller, RNG is not. There is no way I'm going to gimp myself with /NIN


Wait, you say you don't have a BRD or COR? Sorry I'm out.

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger Blueyez said...

RNG is not a puller?? Suck it up princess and buy your freakin ammo.

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger Surazal said...

Barret = Galka

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

Cid was a total badass in FFVII! How can you say that you get "stuck" with him? Yeah, Cloud is cool and all that, but have fun riding around the world in Fenrir while Cid is cruising the skies.

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger Mil'bereth said...

"Also, I like the idea of Mario summoning dragons to fight alongside him. That would make for an awesome new game."

Its called Super Mario World circa 1991. Mario = DRG and Yoshi = Wyvern

 
At 1:41 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

It is ok dave, DRGs get the most B.A.M.F. out there... Kain.

 
At 9:56 PM, Blogger H. Hughes said...

I'm not so sure about Link being a PLD. I can see the WAR part, but he also strikes me being a bit of RNG (he is an awesome marksman with that trusty Hero's Bow.) Maybe we can compromise and say he's PLD/RNG?

 

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