When World's CollideOkay, I'm going to level with you here. I'm going to tell you the secret known only to GMs.
Being a GM is not the glamorous job you might think it is.
I know, I know. When you picture the GM offices, you probably think of a huge party, music blasting, and tons of celebrities hanging out.
Surprisingly, that's not actually what it's like.
We spend a great deal of our time just sitting around and waiting. There's not a hell of a lot to do between calls, so for a lot of our day is just getting paid for doing nothing. Either no one is making GM calls or we're too busy ignoring them to care.
Yes, I know my job is more awesome than yours.
No, you can't work here.
So, yesterday, we were sitting around playing a new game I invented called "make the intern answer the fish bot calls until he cries" when one of the guys starts to talk about video games.
Some people might think we were kind of obsessed with video games, but that's only because we are.
Anyway, the conversation eventually gets around to famous video game characters and what job class they'd be in FFXI.
That's some deep shit right there.
Ash Ketchum - Beastmaster, obviously
I mean, the kid catches animals for a living and then forces them to take part in vicious battles against other animals.
That's the definition of a Beastmaster.
Or Michael Vick.
Kirby - Blue Mage
The basic premise behind Kirby is that he can steal and use the powers of his enemies. Once he is exposed to an attacker, he can then use that attacker's abilities.
Blue Mages do the exact same thing.
The only difference is that Kirby does it by ingesting his enemies and absorbing their powers as they die slowly, being digested over a thousand years.
The devs decided to leave that particular animation out of the Blue Mage.
Mario - Dragoon
He jumps on things.
This isn't rocket science, people.
Link - Paladin
I kind of labored over this one. Theoretically, he could be a Warrior. He runs around stabbing things with a sword.
Also, vandalizing lawns and pottery.
But considering he carries a sword and a shield, I'd have to lean towards Link being a Paladin.
What bothers me is that he really doesn't have the best defense. His "armor" basically amounts to a green tunic he's been wearing for over a decade.
Also, his HP is somewhere around 4.
Basically, Link is a bitch Paladin.
Sonic - ... Thief?
I'm stretching here, but only because Sonic is a retarded character.
Yeah, sure. His older games were really good. There's no denying that.
That still doesn't change the fact that he's a blue hedgehog that spins in a circle and collects rings for no apparent reason.
He doesn't even have a weapon.
Still, the speed thing means he has flee. Therefore, Thief.
I didn't say I put a lot of thought into it.
Ironically, the amount of time he spends using Flee seems like a movement hack. If he were actually a player in FFXI, I'd have banned him long ago.
Go hang out with Tails, cheater.
Then... Then someone asked the inevitable question:
Guy>> What job would Cloud Strife be?
Cloud Strife - Take a shot in the dark.
He's skinny, effeminate, and is obviously emo.
He also has a penchant for giant swords.
Gee... I'm going to have to go with White Mage on that one.
As much as it pains me to say it, I'd have to say Cloud Strife was solidly in the Dark Knight column.
He runs around with incredibly large swords (that are totally not at all phallic) while looking sad and listening to Dashboard Confessional.
Until the devs create a new job called Cutter, I'm pretty sure we have to give Cloud to the DRK side.
See what I did there?
Honestly though, that really pisses me off. The DRKs get Cloud and who do the DRGs get from that game?
That's right. Cid.
Hey, we got the third string old guy.
That's totally fair.
Even the Monks got Tifa. Yes, anatomically questionable Tifa was a MNK.
On the bright side, at least we didn't get stuck with that little bitch Yuffie. If Yuffie had been a Dragoon, I'd probably have to kill myself.
I pity the poor job that got stuck with her.
Suck it, Thieves.
Jesus. Thieves got stuck with Sonic and Yuffie. They're one wheelchair away from being a Special Olympics dream team.
We were busy trying to figure out what in the hell class we could put Barrett in when our supervisor came out of his office and told us to get to work or go the hell home for the day.
I hate being told what to do.
On the bright side, LONG WEEKEND! WOO!