Sunday, September 27, 2009

WTF, Video Games?

Tomorrow is my birthday.

As I turn one more year older, I think back over my life and one thought occurs to me...

What the F&%@ happened to my life?

I'm not saying I'm not happy with my life the way it is. Between my beautiful wife and beautiful daughter, things are pretty damned good.

Still, I feel I should have done more.

I know I'm not even old yet, but years of video games have taught me that I'm starting to fall behind.

According to video games, I should have already:

a) become a Pokemon master

b) undergone extensive military training

c) broken into and robbed countless houses

d) saved the entire world from unmitigated evil like seventeen times

I have done... Well, none of those things.

Hell, I don't even know how to turn myself into a ball and navigate my way through alien space installations.

What the hell have I been doing with my time?

Yeah, yeah. Drinking.

Why do people keep bringing that up?

What's really left for me now?

I suppose I still have my Mario years ahead of me. I can become a plumber and save a kidnapping-prone princess from the retarded offspring of a turtle and a dragon.

There's still time for that.

Plus, I get to grow an awesome mustache.

Oh, I can save the world from terrorists using giant robots.

All I need is a cardboard box and a pack of cigarettes.

Also, a headband.

Bitches love the headband.

You know, I just re-read this entire post and I just now realized my future life goals are to grow a mustache and buy a headband.

Reach for the stars, kids.

21 Comments:

At 7:37 PM, Blogger Jon said...

Much better that than having sex with a grilled cheese sammich.

 
At 7:43 PM, Blogger Charles said...

Happy Birthday!!

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger Sword said...

Dude you forgot the mullet!

 
At 8:37 PM, Blogger Irving said...

Dude happy birthday to us!

 
At 8:37 PM, Blogger Irving said...

Dude happy birthday to us!

 
At 8:55 PM, Blogger Nathan said...

Happy birthday, [GM]Dave! And you can be a mustachioed, headband-wearing, cardboard-box-using plumber/soldier that saves the world from overgrown lizards and robots.

 
At 11:37 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

LOL

EPIC

Happy Birthday!!


I know this is just your way of saying... "buy me stuff"!
(or send me money for alcohol)

 
At 11:40 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

... or even a hot grilled cheese!

 
At 11:48 PM, Blogger Ulli said...

Happy birthday [gm]dave!

 
At 9:59 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

So how old is your ass turning, Dave? Do not despair, we still have time! Come on, let's go level up for the final boss. The mobs in Los Angeles give some nice exp.
*grabs his sword*

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger sRc said...

hell you could hold off on the terrorist busting until after your retirement, we saw that works well enough

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger Mali said...

Happy birfhdayyyyyyyyyyyyy

 
At 1:40 PM, Blogger George said...

Happy Birthday!

 
At 2:34 PM, Blogger Mil'bereth said...

"The mobs in Los Angeles give some nice exp.
*grabs his sword*"

Um...Bufu have you ever been to LA?
I haven't read about many drive-by swordings...

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger Leut said...

I think I will send you some...fudge....yeah...fudge. Happy.....*unghhhh*.... Birth.... *hrrrghhhhhhhhh*.... ahhhhh....day.

Enjoy.

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Um...Bufu have you ever been to LA?
I haven't read about many drive-by swordings...


You will now.

"This just in: Crazy sword-wielding bastard slaughters hundreds in LA while shouting 'Ding!' at regular intervals."

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger Katherine said...

Happy Birthday [GM]Dave!

Yes... well the options are even more limited for us lady-gamers. I've YET to be taken hostage by any evil world-domination/destruction bent people with crazy costumes (followed by the obligatory rescue from unlikely hero X).

That...or gotten the kind of knife and rock climbing skills + outfit to pull of any feats of kick-ass gaming girl kill stunts myself.

Things to work on.

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger tyranastrasz said...

A day late but happy birthday, GM Dave! Your birthday gift from me is a donation. This might not sound like much, but I actually finally managed to swing a paying job earlier this month, so I can actually afford to donate for once.

Coincidentally my friend's birthday is today.

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

@ Bufuman: The newspaper would actually read something like this, "Crazy sword-wielding bastard aggros LA citizens that have guns. He is reported to have been shot at least 50 times, the coroner is still removing bullets".

Nothing against you man, but those LA mobs are like Absolute Virtue.

And, it's Dave's birthday? Damn, I didn't get you anything, this just proves how horrible of a friend I am. So sorry!

 
At 6:10 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

Turn on your Wii sometime. Sorry it's not a bottle of Jack, it could have been a chicken on a pulley.

 
At 8:39 PM, Blogger Bufuman said...

@ Bufuman: The newspaper would actually read something like this, "Crazy sword-wielding bastard aggros LA citizens that have guns. He is reported to have been shot at least 50 times, the coroner is still removing bullets".

Nothing against you man, but those LA mobs are like Absolute Virtue.


"This just in: Crazy sword-wielding bastard's last words were apparently as follows: 'Raise plz'."

 

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