WTF, Video Games?Tomorrow is my birthday.
As I turn one more year older, I think back over my life and one thought occurs to me...
What the F&%@ happened to my life?
I'm not saying I'm not happy with my life the way it is. Between my beautiful wife and beautiful daughter, things are pretty damned good.
Still, I feel I should have done more.
I know I'm not even old yet, but years of video games have taught me that I'm starting to fall behind.
According to video games, I should have already:
a) become a Pokemon master
b) undergone extensive military training
c) broken into and robbed countless houses
d) saved the entire world from unmitigated evil like seventeen times
I have done... Well, none of those things.
Hell, I don't even know how to turn myself into a ball and navigate my way through alien space installations.
What the hell have I been doing with my time?
Yeah, yeah. Drinking.
Why do people keep bringing that up?
What's really left for me now?
I suppose I still have my Mario years ahead of me. I can become a plumber and save a kidnapping-prone princess from the retarded offspring of a turtle and a dragon.
There's still time for that.
Plus, I get to grow an awesome mustache.
Oh, I can save the world from terrorists using giant robots.
All I need is a cardboard box and a pack of cigarettes.
Also, a headband.
Bitches love the headband.
You know, I just re-read this entire post and I just now realized my future life goals are to grow a mustache and buy a headband.
Reach for the stars, kids.