Saturday, October 10, 2009

Alright, Already.

I just got an e-mail from last month's top donator.

Apparently, she thought that when we agreed on her chosen topic for a theme week, that would mean I would start on it immediately.

This, as it turned out, would be incorrect.

I don't think I can describe in words just how bad I am at sticking to anything even remotely resembling a schedule. Perhaps it has something to do with my video game obsession or my drinking hobby.

Or those women in my house who insist on me actually spending time with them.

Some strange combination of elements in my life have left me with a wicked case of ADD.

This has an added benefit of incredibly pissing off anyone who actually expects you to do anything.

Just ask Susan.

Still, this kind, generous woman was gracious enough to donate, so I should probably get started on this thing.

Plus me posting this really gives me no more excuses.

I do so love my excuses.

Anyway, when I first contacted her, I explained the general process and asked her for a number of themes she'd like to read. That way, we could work through the list and pick something that would make us both happy.

She had no suggestions.

She had a demand.

Apparently, this poor, poor woman is under the misguided assumption that I have a soul. She thinks that deep, deep (deep, deep, deep) down, there must be some small shred of my humanity left.

There isn't. I've looked.

Still, she wants to hear a week of the things I regret the most. You know, the things I've done that I really feel bad about.

I laughed when I read that part.

There was, however, a time before dealing with the general public had turned my heart into a cold, black vortex of hate. Back in the before time, I was still capable of feeling empathy and remorse.

Thus, I agreed to humor her request and regale you with stories from my sordid past that I would sooner forget.

Starting Monday, I will try to explain the seven things that I really regret.

It'd be kind of like the seven worst things I've ever done, but I enjoyed most of those.

And then, At the end of the week, I will be sending out the new fan pack just filled to the brim with heartfelt emotion.

Or as reasonable a facsimile as I can make up.

As usual, anyone who donated $5 or more this month will receive this awesome fan pack with exclusive stories and articles and reviews and... other... stuff.

I used to include pictures I made, but the nice people at Photoshop sent me a cease and desist letter. Something about "crimes against sight and humanity."

Eh, whatever.

But wait! That's not all! The person who donates the most during the month gets to pick their very own theme for a week's worth of posts.

That's right. Seven days of whatever subject floats your boat.

Maybe you really enjoy hearing someone make snarky comments about video games.

I can do that.

Can you believe it?

Act now and you'll be done before someone else who didn't act now!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and try to remember what a conscience feels like.


At 8:24 PM, Blogger Kahsha said...

Working retail has that same effect on me...

Gaping chasm of indifference for one, please.

At 11:56 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

Oh hey! where's this item that I couldn't bother looking for and passed it two seconds ago while I was walking toward you to ask where it was? Right behind me? Oh, look at that, if it was a (Snake, dog, brain eating monster, me with a shotgun) I'd have bitten me! I must have walked passed it 5 times!

While I have you here, would you mind explaining this weeks ad to me? I am a simpleton and cannot seem to understand the english language well enough to decypher these strange markings. two for a dollor huh? Do I have to get both of them to get the deal? no?

Ok, I'll take one of those and a pack of gum, how much is the total? 3.45? Do you take checks? Can I wright this for 30 over? I can't be bothered to read the sign that states 'no cash back on checks' that has
been up for the last six years.

Oh poo, I forgot something, I'm going to run back and get something else, ignoring the 3 people behind me waiting that will most likely also make your life a living hell.

Before I leave I'm going to start spouting things about my religion that I have no idea if anyone else in this store follows because I like to press my views on random strangers.

can I get change for this 20? I couldn't be bothered to pay with it, which is why I wrote the check.

can you-

can I-

will you-

I need- *BANG*

That's the sound of me setting off explosives and taking everyone out with me.

At 1:38 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Will Bufu ever be the top donator? Will he ever made a second attempt at it? Would he even have a decent idea for what Dave could do? Will he stop talking in this annoying-as-hell third person before someone murders his ass? Bufu bets (in order) yes, yes, no, and hell no. Do the readers agree with Bufu? Why are they walking towards Bufu with that rope tied in a noo- *hurk!*

At 5:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey! I haven't read your journal entries for a very long time and I just made my own account on here yesterday and remembered back to your entries. It's good to see that you're still updating.

Your post was really good and I liked it. I'll try to read through all the ones that I missed.

I have a question though. Are you going to ever continue to update the Smithy's life blog?

I also checked back to that one and it hasn't been updated since forever.

It'd be neat to see that one updated too.

Best of luck with your future blogs. :)

At 4:22 AM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

While I would like to see him take up smithy again, last time trying to run two blogs at once burned him out.

don't wanna see 6 months of radio silence.

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Gotta love Reraise.

Anyways, if you want Smithy, be sure to donate to Dave. He usually throws in a few Smithy stories along with tales of his own drunken antics.

At 3:23 PM, Blogger Leut said...

Just once I'd like to see Dave do an eBay auction for highest bidder. I'm curious to see just how high the bidding can go for the "honors".

At 10:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's why he needs like a clone of himself. One to write this blog and one to write the smithy blog...

Actually, I take that back. A world with two Daves, now that would be a chaotic world... mwuhahaha!


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