7 Deadly Sins of Gaming - Sin 3Sin 3: Cameras
Oh my sweet freaking god.
I am inventing a new law right now. I'm freaking serious. This is an actual law that will be punishable by death.
If you design a 3D game, you must immediately play that game from beginning to end. If, AT ANY TIME, the camera obstructs your view or makes it difficult to play, YOU DELETE THE ENTIRE GAME AND START THE F&%@ OVER.
Honestly, I don't give a shit if your game cost fifty million dollars to make and it's supposed to ship in a week.
You delete that shit and start over from scratch.
Really, is that so much to ask?
I realize nothing's perfect. I understand you're doing the best you can with the physical limitations of the game environment.
You're designing a video game. There are two basic components to this situation:
If you, through your design, fail to successfully provide both of these components, then you have not created a video game.
Instead, you have created a torture device that punishs players for even trying to play your stupid game.
Oh, hey. I just entered a new room. It's bound to be filled with enemies, so the last thing I want is for the camera to shift... Why am I looking at the back of a wall?
And I'm dead.
Good job, game designers. You fail at life.
If you can't properly design a 3D game, then maybe you should go back to designing 2D games. There's no shame in that.
Okay... There's a little shame in that.
Actually, there's a lot of shame, but at least you'll be creating games that don't make people want you to stab you in the trachea with pencil.
Or, hey, you could make a sudoku game. Yeah. I mean, you won't have any problems with the camera and you know there just can't be enough sudoku games on the market.
See? I'm helping.
If there is any one thing we gamers need to truly enjoy a game, it's immersion. We need to disconnect from our own environment and actually be inside the game.
That's kind of hard when every time you turn a corner, you're looking in through the front of your own head while someone you can't see is bludgeoning you with a bat.
As you can imagine.
Really, you're just hurting yourself. There is nothing that is going to piss us off more than a terrible camera.
I mean, there are people who go out and spend thousands of dollars on video equipment. Hell, they spend thousands of dollars on cables to hook up said equipment. They are fanatical about getting the best video possible.
And you're giving us a camera that shoots randomly around the room or doesn't let us see the people that are killing us.
Does that make a lot of sense?
One of these days, some video freak is going to walk into a video game company and start shooting people.
No... Not me.
That really isn't my style. I'm more of a kill one or two people and then call it a day kind of guys.
What they should do is team up with some porn directors. You know, have some sort of camera angles seminar where they can share trade secrets and shit.
Ever notice that multi-angle button on your DVD remote? Yeah, porn invented that.
They know this stuff. You never see a scene suddenly go sideways or up at the ceiling or something.
They stay where the action is.
That's what video games need.
No. Not that kind of action.
That would look downright ridiculous on the Wii.
Seriously, if you're designing a game or are thinking about designing a game, please, please, please put some thought into the camera.
I beg of you.
Don't make me shoot you.