Tuesday, August 18, 2009

99 Problems...

People often ask me for advice. Something about my manner and my writing has suggested to these people that I am a valid choice for someone to let me have some small control over their life.

Apparently, the underlying tones of me being a violent, angry drunk were too subtle for them.

I would make an awesome life coach.

Step 1) ascertain problem at hand

Step 2) drink until problem goes away

Step 3) ???

Step 4) Profit

One of the most interesting types of problems people write me with is issues with their spouse or significant other.

ie. guys need help with their wives because their wives hate games.

Now, I can tell you a lot of good things to do. I can give you hints and suggestions on exactly how to handle this situation. I can list games that a non-gamer wife might enjoy or ways you can manage your time better.

I is very smart.

Unfortunately, and this is me being honest here, I really don't have that problem. I really don't have to deal with a wife that hates video games.

My wife likes video games.

My wife plays video games.

She doesn't resign my gaming systems to a closet in the hallway. She doesn't hide my controllers away when company's coming over.

She's pretty cool about it.

That's not to say that Susan and I see perfectly eye-to-eye about video games all the time. That'd be nearly impossible.

Apparently, she still thinks going on a 72 hour straight, redbull-fueled gaming marathon is "not cool".

And my idea to spend my entire check on a full-size original Neo Geo cabinet didn't get past the approval committee.

But I don't have to explain to her that I'm going to play games. I don't have to explain why I like them and why I play them so much.

I don't have to because she gets it.

I understand it that a lot of wives don't get it. Due to any number of life experiences, they just weren't exposed to gaming in a way that fostered a true passion for it.

Sadly, this is all too common in women.

The stereotypical idea that most, if not all, gamers are men is not a slight against women. It is not some insult we heap upon the feet of an entire gender.

It's just commentary.

Most girls aren't exposed to games the same way boys are.

It sucks, but it's true.

And that means that ten or twenty or thirty years later, these girls who never played games end up as wives who don't understand games.

Through sheer probability, the majority of male gamers end up with a woman who is not a gamer.

It's just math.

There are many gamers. The majority of gamers are men. This, therefore, means that there are not enough female gamers to meet demand.


If it makes you guys feel better, it's not your fault. The majority of us are just bound to end up with women who do not understand our most fundamental passion.

Luckily for me, that wasn't me.

Sucks to be you guys.


At 9:36 PM, Blogger amy said...

I am a wife, and a gamer....but I side with Susan on the 72 hour redbull fueled gaming sessions too. LOL It's not cool, but yet, I get it...I just don't like it.

That being said, he doesn't get why some of my girlie past times are cool to me...so we're even.

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Rabid Ferrets of DOOM!!!™ said...

In my experience, intelligent woman may not be into games, but they're open to trying new things. And a lot of them end up liking games. Maybe not really mainstream games, but it's hard not to enjoy playing Rock Band. Or Bejewelled... (crack cocaine. I'm serious.)

And if you're not dating an intelligent woman, you're an idiot.

At 6:34 AM, Blogger Kahsha said...

I think you know where I stand on this topic...


I often spend a great chunk of my paycheck on games even though my discount is laughable.

... a Neo Geo would be awesome!

At 8:46 AM, Blogger Stardust said...

I am also a wife, and a gamer. I've played FFXI for 3 years. My husband also is a gamer, but I am usually the one on the 72 hour binge...

At 9:21 AM, Blogger Grif said...

You work for Gamestop, don't you?

Also, my dream girl is one who can kick my ass at games. XD

At 10:15 AM, Blogger golden_knyte said...

There are many gamers. The majority of gamers are men. This, therefore, means that there are not enough female gamers to meet demand.

that sounds like economics to me...

funny thing...last night was watching wacked out sports..the anouncer reminded me of you lol

I wonder what would be worse...a guy gamer with a girl that don't get video games?
a girl gamer with a guy that don't get video games

At 10:44 AM, Blogger Michael said...

My little woman-gamer happens to be as hardcore as I am if one can be hardcore at a game. Last I checked, people don't play games on burning computers (the only way I can see something as being hardcore is if it's on fire). Ironically she's also probably more apt to pull a 72 hr. gaming binge than I am (and I am).

She's just as good or better than me in anything but strategy. Ow, my manhood.

At 1:31 PM, Blogger Leut said...

Or you could be like me. I won't have a relationship with a woman who nags at ANYTHING I do in the first month. First sign of trouble?

*boot to the ass*

He who cares the least wins. Learn it. Live it. Win.

At 3:24 PM, Blogger kevkos said...

Just remind women that their 70$ haircuts every other month are just like your 50$ games... but the games are cheaper and they last longer.

At 7:58 PM, Blogger Michael said...

@kevkos: Ohh, well played.

At 9:33 PM, Blogger PwrGamerX said...

There's always a secondary option to some guys.

Stay single :P

No one to ever nag you about your gaming, ever.

At 11:36 PM, Blogger kevkos said...

@PwrGamerX Except for your mother, but only that dinner is ready and to remind you to do your laundry.

At 8:43 PM, Blogger Mistress Stowastiq said...

Haay we do game I swear..

At 1:30 PM, Blogger kevkos said...

You'll get 99 comments but a bish ain't one.


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