99 Problems...People often ask me for advice. Something about my manner and my writing has suggested to these people that I am a valid choice for someone to let me have some small control over their life.
Apparently, the underlying tones of me being a violent, angry drunk were too subtle for them.
I would make an awesome life coach.
Step 1) ascertain problem at hand
Step 2) drink until problem goes away
Step 3) ???
Step 4) Profit
One of the most interesting types of problems people write me with is issues with their spouse or significant other.
ie. guys need help with their wives because their wives hate games.
Now, I can tell you a lot of good things to do. I can give you hints and suggestions on exactly how to handle this situation. I can list games that a non-gamer wife might enjoy or ways you can manage your time better.
I is very smart.
Unfortunately, and this is me being honest here, I really don't have that problem. I really don't have to deal with a wife that hates video games.
My wife likes video games.
My wife plays video games.
She doesn't resign my gaming systems to a closet in the hallway. She doesn't hide my controllers away when company's coming over.
She's pretty cool about it.
That's not to say that Susan and I see perfectly eye-to-eye about video games all the time. That'd be nearly impossible.
Apparently, she still thinks going on a 72 hour straight, redbull-fueled gaming marathon is "not cool".
And my idea to spend my entire check on a full-size original Neo Geo cabinet didn't get past the approval committee.
But I don't have to explain to her that I'm going to play games. I don't have to explain why I like them and why I play them so much.
I don't have to because she gets it.
I understand it that a lot of wives don't get it. Due to any number of life experiences, they just weren't exposed to gaming in a way that fostered a true passion for it.
Sadly, this is all too common in women.
The stereotypical idea that most, if not all, gamers are men is not a slight against women. It is not some insult we heap upon the feet of an entire gender.
It's just commentary.
Most girls aren't exposed to games the same way boys are.
It sucks, but it's true.
And that means that ten or twenty or thirty years later, these girls who never played games end up as wives who don't understand games.
Through sheer probability, the majority of male gamers end up with a woman who is not a gamer.
It's just math.
There are many gamers. The majority of gamers are men. This, therefore, means that there are not enough female gamers to meet demand.
If it makes you guys feel better, it's not your fault. The majority of us are just bound to end up with women who do not understand our most fundamental passion.
Luckily for me, that wasn't me.
Sucks to be you guys.