It's Just Not FairSo, Susan dragged me to another wedding yesterday.
No, I don't know why.
I've spent many, many, many years developing a very solid image of someone who does not enjoy these kinds of events. I actually hate this kind of event and make it my mission to make all of those around me hate it as well.
What can I say? It's a hobby.
Unfortunately, one of my duties as the husband is to attend these things with my wife.
I was informed of this along with the information that failure to perform these duties would result in Susan failing to perform many of her wifely duties.
These duties would include:
a) sleeping with me
b) not punching me repeatedly in the groin
So, I'm at a wedding.
After the whole "I now pronounce you something something", we were at the reception watching a very drunk group of people dance very badly.
At least... I think that's what they were trying to do. Basically, it looked like a group of people having epileptic seizures almost set to music.
It was painful to watch.
That was, however, when I realized something incredibly interesting about people. I had an epiphany, if you will.
Women can dance like absolute retards and someone will still want to have sex with them at the end of the night.
I mean, it's common knowledge that woman have very little difficulty finding a willing partner. Men aren't exactly the most discerning people.
Still, it never struck me just how pervasive this concept really is.
There was a girl on the dance floor, a reasonably attractive girl, and she spent most of the night dancing.
I immediately understood two things:
a) she thinks she is a very good dancer
b) she is very, very wrong
Oh lord, it was like watching some horrible train wreck. Limbs flailing in every direction.
I wanted to look away, but couldn't.
Then, as I watched, I noticed a guy walk up and start dancing with her. I'd like to say he was subtle in his advances, but he was doing everything short of dry humping her on the floor.
That might have actually improved upon her dancing.
And that's when it struck me. No matter how retarded this girl looked, as long as she was breathing, someone would want to take her home.
Shouldn't there be a line somewhere? Shouldn't an even moderately intelligent man be able to control himself enough not to jump on top of the spastic tard trying to flail her way through Boom Boom Pow?
I'm sorry, but we, as a species, should be better at selecting potential mates.
Can you imagine the genetic failures this woman could create? Little idiot children stumbling haphazardly around the room.
Yes, I realize the girl is pretty. I get that.
I also get that pretty girls turn men into large piles of stupid.
Still, I fail to understand how anyone could look at her and find her attractive. I don't care how stupid you are, retardation is never hot.
I don't care if a chick is Megan Fox. If she's sitting in the corner eating paste, she's not hot.
The funny thing about people is that every woman reading this agrees with me.
And every guy just thought "Eh, I'd still hit it."
Man, men are stupid.