I'm Not A Good Role ModelReading through some older posts, I started to notice a theme. This, however, is probably due to my keen skills of observation and may have gone unnoticed.
Apparently, I drink a lot.
I know. I was as shocked as you are.
Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not trying to encourage or even condone drinking.
Drinking is a stupid, stupid thing to do.
I'm just way better at giving advice than following it.
There are no good drinking stories.
Yes, you can have a fun time drinking. You can go out with your friends and have an awesome time drinking yourself off your ass.
It will end badly.
Trust me on this. It will end badly.
Assuming you're old enough to drink, I want you to think of every great drinking story you have, every story about drinking that still makes you laugh.
You're laughing at someone getting hurt, aren't you?
The only time you can even think of a good drinking story is when you're not the one that things ended up badly for.
Hey, your best friend in the world drank a litre of vodka and fell off a bridge.
It's funny, though, because it didn't happen to you.
If, however, you're the one falling off the bridge, suddenly that shit isn't so funny any more.
I've been that guy before. Plenty of times. I have probably fallen off every type of structure that has ever been conceived of or created by man.
Not fun at all.
Oh, sure, the people around me were having a grand time. They were laughing their freaking asses off. Especially Susan.
Still, not fun for me.
Every single drinking story ever ends up with something very bad happening to someone. Then we all laugh and sit around talking about how awesome drinking is.
People get angry. People get stupid. People pick fights.
All because of drinking.
I don't want anyone out there thinking that drinking is a good idea because I make light of it.
I make light of everything. It's kind of my thing.
Drinking is bad.
I only do it to drown out the terrible, terrible morons that infest my daily life.
If falling off a bridge is the price I have to pay to suffer these people, then I think I can live with that.
Also, someone invented bacon-flavored whisky so I don't see me stopping any time soon.
Eh, chicks dig scars.