Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I'm Not A Good Role Model

Reading through some older posts, I started to notice a theme. This, however, is probably due to my keen skills of observation and may have gone unnoticed.

Apparently, I drink a lot.

I know. I was as shocked as you are.

Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not trying to encourage or even condone drinking.

Drinking is a stupid, stupid thing to do.

I'm just way better at giving advice than following it.

There are no good drinking stories.

None.

Ever.

Yes, you can have a fun time drinking. You can go out with your friends and have an awesome time drinking yourself off your ass.

It will end badly.

Trust me on this. It will end badly.

Assuming you're old enough to drink, I want you to think of every great drinking story you have, every story about drinking that still makes you laugh.

You're laughing at someone getting hurt, aren't you?

The only time you can even think of a good drinking story is when you're not the one that things ended up badly for.

Hey, your best friend in the world drank a litre of vodka and fell off a bridge.

Funny.

It's funny, though, because it didn't happen to you.

If, however, you're the one falling off the bridge, suddenly that shit isn't so funny any more.

I've been that guy before. Plenty of times. I have probably fallen off every type of structure that has ever been conceived of or created by man.

Not fun.

Not fun at all.

Oh, sure, the people around me were having a grand time. They were laughing their freaking asses off. Especially Susan.

Still, not fun for me.

Every single drinking story ever ends up with something very bad happening to someone. Then we all laugh and sit around talking about how awesome drinking is.

People get angry. People get stupid. People pick fights.

All because of drinking.

I don't want anyone out there thinking that drinking is a good idea because I make light of it.

I make light of everything. It's kind of my thing.

Drinking is bad.

I only do it to drown out the terrible, terrible morons that infest my daily life.

If falling off a bridge is the price I have to pay to suffer these people, then I think I can live with that.

Also, someone invented bacon-flavored whisky so I don't see me stopping any time soon.

Eh, chicks dig scars.

12 Comments:

At 9:07 PM, Blogger Michael said...

This PSA: not followed by "The More You Know!"

 
At 10:04 PM, Blogger Breese said...

When did GM Dave start caring about being a role model? >.> I was a little saddened to find that this post didn't twist over to the funny side

 
At 12:00 AM, Blogger ADCarter said...

Bacon-flavored whisky? I'd consider trying it, but I know that I wouldn't rush right out to the store for it.

I find it kinda ironic that they'd make a food flavored alchohol. That way when it comes back up in the morning (for some people) you'll have yet another tasty treat!

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth just then.

 
At 12:16 AM, Blogger Hr8mph said...

I actually find it interesting
How [GM]Dave keeps focusing on more important issues than dragon feeding :)

Of course dragon feeding stories are always fun ^^

And don't worry. It's not just the drinking that matters. I'm sure you make up for it in different ways ;)

 
At 6:18 AM, Blogger Hylian said...

how much whisky does jormy drink? you think he has it easy? always having to eat morons... when will he ever get the chance to eat someone worthwhile?

bacon-whisky? that... let's just say you'd never want breakfast again after a bad night with that...

i got blitzed on tequila once, and puked it up... i haven't been able to drink straight liquor since. thinking about doing that with bacon whisky... uh... shit i don't want breakfast now either.

DAMN YOU DAVE! Hahahaha.

 
At 8:29 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

That's why I like to play the role of designated driver. Sure, I have a lot less fun while everyone else gets smashed, but the chances of me being the one falling off a structure of some sort is significantly reduced. Also, messing with drunk, impressionable people is fun. You ever drop off a drunk person at the wrong house? Good times, good times.

 
At 8:56 AM, Blogger tyranastrasz said...

My dad has a long, scary history of drunk driving, but there is one hilarious thing about it.

Back before I was born, he drove a car into a lake.

I am not kidding. Drove into a lake.

THAT is funny.

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger golden_knyte said...

ok...Dave...what did u do now?

...toss a kracken club? used your computer as a floatation device? stick ur ding-ding in the toaster?

 
At 3:48 PM, Blogger Leut said...

Actually, the worst I've done while drunk was "dancing" with a hot chick, picking her up, and then promptly dropping her on her head, causing a fairly serious concussion.

She and I still laugh about it to this day. Of course, she laughs at a butterfly and claps like a Corky every time she sees one too now...

Good times.

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Chrysalis said...

you're right! chicks dig scars!!! course we're not huge fan of alchoholics so... guess maybe you come out even? ^_~

 
At 3:48 AM, Blogger Dimitri Smith said...

So, pic unrelated but I figured that you sir, would get a kick out of this:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/science/08/28/hurricanes.gates.gray/index.html

Bluntly put, Bill Gates wants to control the weather.

 
At 8:30 AM, Blogger tagskie said...

hi.. just dropping by here... have a nice day! http://kantahanan.blogspot.com/

 

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