Bannable Offenses

Feeling Much Better

Susan decided she was getting annoyed with my mood the past few days, so she decided to do something about it.

No, she didn't divorce me.

Why does everyone ask that?

She went out and bought me something that was guaranteed to make me feel better.

No, not whiskey.

No, not drugs.

Wii Sports Resort.

Holy freaking damn, what a fun, relaxing game. If that game can't make you feel better then there is something majorly wrong with you.

There's something just so wholesome and... Well... Fun about it.

I don't know what it is, honestly. The graphics are standard for any Wii (insert noun here) game. You play as Miis and blah, blah, bowling.

Still, it is so freaking easy to pick up and start playing that you can't help but like it.

My only question is what resort would actually let you do all of this stuff?

Sure, basketball and golf and shit. That I can understand.

But sky diving?!

And not just you. Oh, no. Every single person at the freaking resort is up there doing all sorts of advanced tricks and patterns and shit.

With no instructors.

Wait... No, there is an instructor. She takes your picture as you and a couple dozens other people plummet to your deaths.

Still, there will be some lovely photos at the mass funeral.

And sword fighting. What the hell?

Oh, I love the sword fighting game. I dare you to find any Star Wars fan who wouldn't love this game.

Or that won't make the Mmmrrroooooooowwwww sound while they fight.

No, my problem with this game is the Showdown game.

Basically, you start off on one end of an area and you have to plow through dozens upon dozens of other characters to get to the end.

What kind of resort offers this event?

"Uh... Hi, folks. We were just... Well, could you guys all put on this fighting gear and let this other guy beat the ever loving crap out of you a few times?"

Yeah, sure. For you it's fun as hell.

What about the twenty or thirty other people who spend their vacation acting as a practice dummy?

I mean, what the hell?!

All in all, this game is incredible. It's everything that's right with games and then some.

It's easy to pick up and jump right into the action, but also provides a nice challenge at the higher levels. Enemies get progressively harder without being impossible.

Also, each event has Stamps that you can collect for doing different things.

I'm going to try and pretend they didn't basically steal Xbox achievements.

In their defense, Microsoft can't exactly start throwing around the "stealing ideas" argument without being either foolish or ironic.

Honestly, this game made me feel a whole ton better. Just running around, playing all sorts of fun, fast games really brightened my spirits.

Also, the beating the shit out of everyone else on the island may have helped.

This just once again proves that violence is actually, sometimes, the answer.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:01 PM