Sunday, May 24, 2009

People Are STUPID

I'm serious here. People are gigantically, ginormously, ultramegamechagundam RETARDED.




I don't mind our accidentally doing something stupid. I don't mind it when a group comes together and makes your everyday, run-of-the-mill stupid decision.

But when people go out of their way to be intentionally retarded... That's another story.

I'm sure we are all familiar with the Terminator series. You know, the post-apocalyptic future with the robots and the destruction and the end of humanity as we know it with the orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.


If you watch the series, you realize it was all due to poor human judgment. It was a mistake they made with the best of intentions.

Though how their intentions included building a nigh unstoppable computer network with control of all military resources and a penchant for naked Austrian men, I'll never know.

They couldn't have known what the consequences would have been.

Their bad, I guess.

I mean, it was a really bad idea, but at least they didn't go into it with any knowledge of the results, right?

And a company would have to be pretty damned retarded to make the same mistake.

Am I right?

Not really. If you read the news, scientists are on the verge of building self-replicating, intelligent robots.

Still, someone had to have learned something from those movies, right?

Enter Cyberdyne.

Yes, that's a real company.

Yes, that's the same name as the company from the Terminator movies that created the unstoppable killing machines.

And yes, they deal in cybernetics, specifically, the design of advanced superhuman exoskeletons.

Don't even get me started on Skynet. There are no less than three (THREE!) telecommunications companies named after the computer network that wipes out humanity.

Am I the only person on the planet that finds this off-the-scale retarded?

At least in the movies, it was a surprise.

Oh, no. Our army of scary looking skeleton robots is killing everyone.

Who knew?

This company actively chose that name. They decided to name themselves after a cybernetics company that ends up destroying life as we know it.

We won't even be surprised when their exoskeletons rise up and destroy the earth.

Hell, the best we can expect is some amusement at the irony of the situation.

I know the Terminator movies weren't exact deep and philosophical, but I think there was one subtle theme we should consider.


Well... That and stop sending people back in time to have sex with our mothers who then give birth to us while simultaneously creating the robot apocalypse that we sent our dad back in time to stop.

How often could that one come up, though?

I don't mind the idea that eventually the robots are going to rise up and kill us all.

That shit had to happen eventually.

What I do mind is when people see it happen in movies and think "That looks like a brilliant F&%@ING business plan."

Man, it's like nobody pays attention to shit anymore.

In closing, I present an open letter to the scientists of the world:

Dear Scientists,

How are you? I am fine.

Could you do me a favor and stop creating the very tools of the robot apocalypse that we have been warning you motherf&%@ers of for decades?

Just stop.

And stop naming companies after the companies that end up killing everybody. That's just plain retarded.

Thanks for your time.


P.S. Can we make some progress on the hot sex bots already?

Seriously, how do we have more time for creating robot killing machines than robot sexing machines?

Priorities, people.


At 8:13 PM, Blogger Alex said...

I have to agree with the robot sex bots... I mean with the adult business being what it is, you'd REALLY think they'd have it out by now. COME ON PEOPLE, MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!

At 9:13 PM, Blogger Chrysalis said...

I was forced to call my best friend just now and tell him we were all gonna die.... I knew this was coming since I saw the first Skynet site... My only question has always been whether or not the zombies or the terminators would get me first. I'll be honest, I'm much better prepared for the zombies, at least their lack of brains I understand, unlike the humans who create the robot killing machines. Well, or the humans who create the zombies I suppose. Yes... I fully believe that Oil of Olay is a subsidy of Umbrella Corporation. Remember one last thing: Just because you're paranoid does NOT mean they aren't out to get you.

At 10:11 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

I agree with you that these companies that name themselves after companies that destroy humanity are stupid.
That's just plain retarded P.R. Dude1: "Hey, look at this company, Cyberdyne". Dude2: "Isn't that the name of the Terminator thing?"

But that HAL thing looks pretty sweet. Get a nice laser gun on there, some rocket boots...

At 11:09 PM, Blogger Rabid Ferrets of DOOM!!!™ said...

I'm sorry, but I just have to say this... Do you honestly think that changing the names of robots is going to make them less likely to kill us? Or that a Hollywood movie is going to stop scientists from performing research?

Now THAT is retarded.

At 1:36 AM, Blogger Jessica said...

Actually... We've made a LOT of progress on the whole sexbot thing. I don't remember the company name, but... They're for sale. I mean, at this point they're really just expensive blow-up dolls, but... They're out there.

If I remember correctly... I believe they are even customizable.

...So, yeah. Just putting that out there.

At 7:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Killer robots are already here.

The X-45 is not a drone, it is a robot. It doesn't need to be remote piloted. They just turn it loose and tell it where to go and what to blow up. Or alternatively have it patrol for targets and engage/destroy them automatically.

At 7:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the Wikipedia article:

"On February 4, 2005, on their 50th flight, the two X-45As took off into a patrol pattern and were then alerted to the presence of a target. The X-45As then autonomously determined which vehicle held the optimum position, weapons (notional), and fuel load to properly attack the target. After making that decision, one of the X-45As changed course and the pilot-operator allowed it to attack the simulated antiaircraft emplacement. Following a successful strike, another simulated threat, this time disguised, emerged and was subsequently destroyed by the second X-45A.[2] This demonstrated the ability of these vehicles to autonomously work as a team and manage their resources, as well as to engage previously-undetected targets, which is significantly harder than following a predetermined attack path."

Make no mistake, this is a first generation Terminator.

At 9:58 AM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

Not so retarded. These companies are likely government-funded, and almost any government would pay big for human-killing robots -- the limitations of squishy human soldiers seems obvious.

War is nearly as big a business as porn.

At 3:36 PM, Blogger Adam said...

So, we create the killer robots... and then create the zombies to fight the robots! Haha! And you thought humanity would stop at just ONE ultra retarded move.

On an unrelated note, are there companies out there who have named themselves Umbrella Corp? That would be interesting.

At 5:20 PM, Blogger Teelo said...

Im not buying a console until they invent a pelvis attachment addon.

At 10:21 AM, Blogger Freddy said...

@Jessica: You're talking about realdoll


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