Friday, May 15, 2009

[GM]Dave: The College Years 5

Some people think that football is the most popular college sport. Despite each university having a basketball team and countless other teams, it is really football that defines college sports.

They think that because they've never heard of beer pong.

Beer pong makes football look like an afternoon spent with your grandmother.

Yeah, you can get messed up playing football. But after you get messed up, you don't wake up naked in the middle of the quad covered in sharpie.

The rules are simple. Each player begins with a number of glasses of beer and tries to bounce a ping pong ball into his opponent's glasses. If he/she is successful, the opponent has to drink that glass.

Warning: Remove ping pong ball prior to drinking to avoid choking and looking like a gigantic tool.

The game continues until:

a) you or your opponent runs out of glasses

b) you die of alcohol poisoning

Happens more often than you think.

One day, Jeff and I decided to improve on Beer Pong.

Attempt #1: Vodka Pong

This one wasn't actually that bad. We had to put less in each glass because we didn't feel like killing ourselves, but it did add a new challenge to the game.

That challenge being standing up.

Attempt #2: Spicy Vodka Pong

Baaaadddddd idea.

Take all of the challenge of Vodka Pong and add a truly painful amount of heat to the mix. Appended rules stated that neither player was allowed to drink an alternate beverage until the game was over.

It actually felt like I was getting throat banged by the Balrog.

Note to self: Contact Peter Jackson, Re: Sequel

Attempt #3: Blended McDonald's Dollar Menu Pong


Just... No.

I have no idea which one of us came up with this idea, but I can tell you that that person is retarded.

Somehow, after half a dozen rounds of Vodka and Spicy Vodka Pong, pureeing the entire McDonald's dollar menu seemed like the logical progression. Just dump it in a blender, hit frappe, and it's Blended deliciousness pong.

It was neither:

a) logical

b) delicious

Sure, it was really funny watching the other guy trying to chug glass after glass of blended heart attacks, but then you remembered you'd be drinking it too.

Not so funny any more.

Attempt #4: Tequila Pong

In retrospect, this might not have been AS bad an idea.

It might not have been AS bad IF we had played it first. Deciding to ingest large amounts of Tequila AFTER vodka, spicy vodka, and blended McDonald's...



It was like throwing up lava. Gallons and gallons of vodka/nugget flavored lava.

And the pickles... Oh Dear GOD, the pickles.

I don't even think any of the McDonald's food had pickles.

After that... Well, we decided Beer Pong was just fine as it was. Why mess with a perfectly good game?

If only we had decided that BEFORE the tequila...

We might have gotten our security deposit back.


At 6:55 PM, Blogger Bufuman said...

I only watch one team in college football. The Nebraska Cornhuskers. Take a guess at which state I'm a born native of? Last season was the first good one in a while, and I'm hoping they improve even more. Thank God for Bo Pelini. I feel sorry for the team that hired our old coach though.

Anyways, beer pong takes second fiddle to Quarters, IMHO. Mostly because it's much harder to see a quarter in your cup instead of a ping pong ball. The result: a much greater chance of witnessed hilarity.

At 7:16 PM, Blogger Taylor-MadeAK said...


At 8:00 PM, Blogger shallot said...

I concur.

At 9:23 PM, Blogger Dale said...

The best improvement: Strip Beer Pong.

At least when the ladies lose, otherwise... not so much.

At 10:41 PM, Blogger Qwatz said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 10:42 PM, Blogger Qwatz said...

i posted "win", then found out Taylor posted it as well.


At 1:05 AM, Blogger Church said...

I went to WVU to hang out with one of my friends for his birthday last weekend.

*Note* I dropped out of college years ago, I also don't drink beer.

This was my first introduction to actually playing beer pong, I felt obligated to since it was my friend's birthday and all. Since I don't drink beer however, I was drinking Hennesy while everyone else drank beer.

It's a damn good thing I'm apparently pretty good at beer pong.

At 2:16 AM, Blogger Hannah said...

Eeuww that was one post I did not want to read...

At 2:33 AM, Blogger Warewulf said...

Blended dollar menu sounds good until you realize what all is actually ON the dollar menu.

At 3:14 PM, Blogger Carlos said...

This question is definitely out of place, but I figured I would post it in a reccent post to have chances of people reading it.

I have wondered for a while, has Dave named his daughter? I always see him referring at her as "daughter" which is OK, I don't really mind, so, is there any reason why he does not call her by her name? or maybe I just missed her name

At 1:02 AM, Blogger Nightmare said...

fyi: the pickles are from the cheese burger

At 8:48 PM, Blogger Rabid Ferrets of DOOM!!!™ said...

...I remember when they first started the dollar menu at McDonalds. There was no way it was before/during your college years.

At 9:35 AM, Blogger Dimitry said...

Everyone makes the mistake of Vodka and Tequilla pong :)

Oh the vomit ..


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