Bannable Offenses

[GM]Dave: The College Years 4

A lot of people ask me how you balance college life with gaming. I am going to tell you the same answer I give them.

I don't have a freaking clue.

I skipped so many classes to play Playstation that I'm not entirely sure that I actually graduated.

My first year was pretty good. Our dorm room was a little too cramped to have a proper gaming set up, so I really didn't spend too much time playing.

Then, I moved in with Jeff...

It seemed like such a bright idea at the time. We were best friends and thought it would be the best way to keep both of us focused on our work.

Not. So. Much.

Instead, it became a frightening study on how many classes you can ditch without absolutely failing your ass out of college.

We skipped classes.

We skipped labs.

Honestly, we'd skip pretty much anything.

And the excuses...

I have always been a smooth talker. It has been one of my great skills to manipulate other people.

In high school, I could make a girl's panties just fall right off.

But college is when I honed those skills to a science. I practiced and trained until my professors didn't even question me.

I was like Batman, but replace the keen detective skills and martial arts prowess with unadulterated evil.

Fun fact: tell your professor that you have a meeting with your lawyer. They will ask zero questions because it is either a private matter or you're a defendant.

Anyway, we spent day after day sitting in our apartment playing Playstation.

Not even good games mind you. We spent most of our time playing basketball games.

Jeff was one of those "only sports games" gamers.

There was one game we played all the time. We would create our own characters and play one-on-one matches until our eyes hurt.

And Jeff kicked my ass.

Sports games just aren't my forte. I'm much more at home with a lance or a plasma rifle than a hockey stick or that... That one with the ball.

We would play and I would jam mindlessly on the buttons hoping to somehow steal the ball or shoot or whatever.

Then... Then I found a way to beat him.

Jeff would build carefully planned players. He would scrutinize over every little detail and statistic.

Not me.

I poured all of my skill points into three point shooting.

That's it. Maximum height. Three point shooting skill.

And then, my hapless shooter towering over his well-rounded all-star, I destroyed him.

His second controller was a generic one. It may have been a Madcatz or something. I can't remember.

What I do remember is the sound the button made when you made a perfect three pointer. It was this beautiful little click as my thumb released the button.

Three pointer... Click.

Perfect shot... Click.

Best friend's broken soul... Click.

It was so incredibly funny. I would get the ball, not bother to move, and then fire the ball.

And every time... That beautiful little click.

The click changed after a while. Instead of the nice little click it started to sound like a nice little click followed by intense swearing.

He would lose his freaking mind. Every time he heard that click, he would start to curse me down to the ground.

I had to look a few of those words up.

Hint: They weren't good.

That is how I spent an entire year of my college life. Playing video games with my best friend/the screaming swearing lunatic.

And occasionally attending classes.

Very occasionally.

One course, I only attended three classes the entire semester. The first one to get the handouts, the middle one to do the midterm, and the last one to hand in my major paper.

That's it.

Didn't really get a lot out of that one.

But man, could I kick some ass in basketball.

posted by Goblin Smithy @ 7:44 PM