The Console Slap FightCan someone please explain to me what the hell is going on in the console wars?
Honestly, the whole thing is getting a little embarrassing.
Do you remember when the console wars really meant something? Sony was bringing some serious heat, Microsoft was fighting their way into the market, and Nintendo was the kid nobody talked to.
Oh... Hey... You've got a Gamecube.
That was a freaking war.
You had the champion, the PS2, standing on top of the heap with a huge variety of hits and a stable full of successful franchises.
He was the king.
Then, the Xbox came out and we finally had a worthy contender. Sure, it had a lot of catching up to do, but it had superior graphics and brought some really popular titles with it.
And the Gamecube...
Well, the Gamecube released a game every three or four months.
If you owned a Gamecube (for some reason) and happened to have a handful of money, you may have purchased it.
It was a classic battle. The hardened pro, the dashing rookie...
And a Gamecube.
Okay, I'll give Nintendo the handheld market. Basically, the only handheld system was the Gameboy / Gameboy Advance.
Or the seventy eight other versions of the Gameboy.
That's not exactly a great accomplishment. You won the only category where you had zero competition.
Way to go.
Still, it was beautiful. You had everything you needed to get a nice argument going about which system was the best.
Everything made sense.
Then the Xbox 360 came out.
That thing was freaking amazing. The graphics were unbelievable.
Sure, there weren't any really great games, but look how good those mediocre games looked.
Here we go. The PS2 was still the champion in the console world, but Microsoft had ushered in the next generation.
And it was good.
Yeah, a few houses burned down and pretty much every 360 ever ends up dying repeatedly if you even look at it.
Still... Next gen.
The future was here.
And it worked occasionally.
Oh, the war was going to heat up now.
Oh, hey. Isn't that cute? Nintendo is coming out with another system.
And they're not focusing on graphics or power.
And they named it after man junk.
Then the PS3 was released.
Finally! The next gen battle was going to bring us back to the classic days of the last console war. We'd finally see the two major contenders go head-to-head.
At least they would have, if the PS3 didn't cost more than some small European countries.
But... But it still had a stable of great games, right?
It's backwards compatible, though. They couldn't possibly have screwed that up.
Really? They screwed that up?
Then... Then the whole freaking world went insane. The 360 was poised to take over as champion and...
Then the Wii happened.
Apparently, making a console that actually works and actually plays games is more profitable than making a console that looks really, really shiny.
Who would have guessed?
So, now the Wii is the champion, the Xbox360 is still the plucky challenger...
And the PS3 is the guy no one talks to.
Now, this is where it gets weird.
This is the point where anyone with even the remotest grain of sense could figure out a strategy to help their company take control.
The Wii could focus on their major franchises and on bringing new and strong titles to their system.
You know, really set that foothold.
The Xbox 360 could focus on being the "hardcore" console. They could quit worrying about the Wii and settle on one important demographic.
Well, they could try and figure out what in the hell they're doing.
And what are the companies doing?
Well, the Wii is focusing on releasing as many games as possible while completely ignoring their major franchises.
Oh, let's not forget they're releasing Gamecube games for the Wii.
You know, the Wii that can already play Gamecube games.
No, you read that right. It just doesn't make any sense.
And what are Microsoft and Sony doing?
Well, they're making charts.
I'm not kidding. All of their major announcements recently have involved charts that explain just how awesome their console is and how the other guys suck.
Do you know that people really love?
Oh, who needs video games?
You've got freaking charts.
That's the ticket.
This is the time for these guys to be deep in the trenches and fighting for every player. They should be working every minute of every day to make the ultimate console.
Lots of charts.
Apparently, the winner of the console war is Microsoft.