Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween... I Think

I don't ask much of trick or treaters.

They show up at my door and, assuming they're wearing some semblance of a costume, I'll give them some candy.

I don't even bother pointing out canonical inaccuracies in their costumes.

All that I ask is that they at least make the effort.

Give me something.

I'm not asking for incredibly detailed or intricate costumes.

Just wear a damned mask or something.

All evening, I've been answering my door only to find teenagers wearing regular clothes and expecting candy.

Did I start a food bank or something when I wasn't looking?

At that point, you're not really trick or treating.

You're just begging for food.

The only difference is that you've taken the initiative of going door to door begging.

If you show up at my door dressed in regular clothes, I'm going to show you my costume.

My costume is a guy who doesn't give candy to retards.

My wife likes to dress up as a door getting slammed in your face.

My "favorite" of all our trick or treaters was a girl.

I use that term loosely. She looked WAY too old to be out asking for candy.

What she was wearing couldn't be considered a costume in even the most liberal sense of the word.

And the best part?

She was smoking.

I'm not even making this up.

As I started to ask what the hell she was supposed to be, she blew smoke in my face and asked for candy.

She freaking asked for candy.

What the hell is wrong with people?

Halloween is not a difficult concept to grasp.

It's motherf&%@in' Halloween.

You dress up, you get candy.

That's it.

If you don't dress up, then it's not Halloween.

It's just a regular Friday.

I don't open my door and give people candy on a regular freaking Friday.

Wear a damned costume or leave me the hell alone.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go eat tiny little Snickers bars until I calm down.


At 9:49 PM, Blogger Angelique said...

I may be too old for trick or treating (technically), but at least when I try I do dress up. Dressing up and acting like an idiot is the best part.

At 10:33 PM, Blogger Paul said...

While my tubby ass may live for candy, I believe there are 3 ways to get it.

1: Not being a reject on Halloween,

2: Buying it,

3: Having a friend who can't keep track of their supply. " Honestly, I don't know where it went! " *omm nom nom nom nom*.

For less underhanded methods see Example 1 or 2. You're welcome for my assistance, I take payment in the form of candy. ( Like you didn't see that coming. )

At 10:56 PM, Blogger Aen said...

This is ridiculous. I agree with Paul, if you want candy at a certain age, just save yourself the time and effort and go buy it.

/sigh... some people actually go out of their way to ruin this holiday.

At 11:32 PM, Blogger Dave said...

That gets my goat. This is one of the best holidays of the year, there's just no need to go ruin it. When I hit Highschool and was too old to trick-or-treat myself, I offered to escort some of the kids in my neighborhood that I'd babysit so the parents didn't have to tromp around all night. And if I expected any candy, I dressed up too. I also found it so much more fun with the kids, seeing them really get into it.

I hate ppl who ruin Halloween by being stupid jerks.

At 3:41 AM, Blogger J. Scarper said...

Dave, when things like Gamer Grub comes out, you gotta see that the world's turning too lazy to order pizza.

Or dress up.

Hell, most people're too lazy to even think, hence Jormy's constant smile on his (or...her?) face.

You ever thought of putting stuff OTHER than candy in these pricks' bags?

At 5:19 AM, Blogger Kahsha said...

I've always enjoyed a night of Trick-or-Drinking. Myself and other adults in costume, mug in hand going door to door. Visiting neighbors and filling our cups with whatever alcohol they have in the house.

good times!

At 7:16 AM, Blogger Orugachino said...

Yup, people are stupid. Sure, the house wasnt exactly decorated for the holiday, but thats not an excuse for the kids (read: mentally handicapped) to come out like they just got out of school (read: rehab) and expect some candy.

Also, I don't give out candy to "ninjas" who think a black sweater, sweat pants, socks, shoes, and a do-rag is a convincing costume. My fist in some punks face is sneakier then his "costume."

At 7:49 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Yeah, that kind of stuff ticks me off too, Dave. I have a general rule for trick-or-treaters at my house. If you have a costume, you get a candy bar. If you have your normal clothes, you get a blast from the hose. That last one started out as a deterrent for house-TPers, but it's found extra uses against the aforementioned no-costume dirtbags, and that guy who always parks in front of my driveway.

At 9:15 AM, Blogger fayune said...

We had a little kid (who was dressed up, and I was happy to give candy to) accompanied by not one, not two but THREE non-costume wearing adults expecting a handful of candy each... WTF people!!!

At 11:20 AM, Blogger Wavrik said...

I know what your talking about seems like Halloween spirit is gone. I have an entry on my blog,, about Halloween and how its a big commercial holdiay now...

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Music-chan said...

Man, when I was growing up, no one under the age of 16 got candy, whether they dressed up or not.

THough I do remember dressing up my first Halloween in college and actually getting people to give us candy. Fun times. =p

At 4:18 PM, Blogger The Wild One said...

Good lord, I can't even tell you how many idiots came to my door and tried to get candy off us.

The best ones had to have been the group of 25-27 year olds. ><

At 4:32 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Senior year of highschool, me and a bunch of friends (20, maybe more?)went trick or treating, some of us hadn't been in years. We all dressed up, some more than others, and instead of saying "trick or treat" we sang christmas carols. We had a great time, people loved us (some demanded encores) and we got loads of candy. I mean, tons of it, people were shoving handfuls of it in our bags.

That was a great night.

At 5:40 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Just a thought... Isn't every day Halloween for GM Dave here? I mean, every time he gets someone asking for help, they may as well be asking " Trick or Treat! ". If they're good little boys and girls, they get a treat, and their problems are solved. On the other hand, if they didn't dress up this year, or are otherwise deficient, They get a Trick. By Trick I mean his good buddy Jormy... On top of an agitated sarcastic sadistic GM.

At 12:48 AM, Blogger Brian said...

lol I'm only 22 and I had a kid come to my door this year; alone and he looked around 13.

He didn't say a word (nor was he dressed up) when I opened the door. I said "what? too old to say "trick or treat" and he said "I was just about to say it"

I only gave him candy because we had a shitload and barely any kids came to the door anyway.

At 8:59 AM, Blogger Victoria said...

I'm jealous of your trick or treaters. I just wish that a teenager had knocked on my door for candy!

Instead I got none. Zero. Nada. Nothing.

Now I have all this candy, and nothing to do with it... However will I manage XD

At 5:42 PM, Blogger Tyler said...

On Halloween, when my mom hands out candy, she hands out the good stuff she just bought at the store like Reece's cups and Kit-Kats. When kids come up to our door with no costume or are clearly over age for trick-or-treating, she hands out all the old crap left over from other years. Why, this year, mom handed-out my Easter candy from about 10 years ago. We of course made sure that none of it was disgustingly old. Isn't it funny how candy never 'expires'?

At 11:29 AM, Blogger semele said...

To GM Dave and J Scarper:

Much to my law-abiding husband's dismay, I keep two piles of Halloween stash. One is for good little trick or treaters, mask or paint, costume, and young age. That consists of little bars of yummy candy, of which we eat any leftovers. The other, in a separate bowl, is tiny foil-wrapped sardines - loosely wrapped so the oil spills over the insides of the bag, ruining the other candy, wetting the hands, and possibly stinking up the un-costumed or too-old trick or treater. To be discrete - and not get my house egged - I put on top of this pile, the empty wrappers from the tiny candy bars we've already eaten. Simply reach into the appropriate bowl and dispense candy or fish as appropriate. I call it "trick or fish". My husband doesn't like the idea, but f- those rotten teenagers who don't even bother to try to make a costume.

At 5:23 AM, Blogger Khan said...


Well i don't mind if teenagers come to my door, as long as they are polite and have costumes on, good costumes...

These two boys came to my door, they were about 7 or 8...without costumes...of course i asked where their costumes were? They replied saying that they don't put them on till dark...really smartallicy...if there mom was not there i would have just slammed the door in their faces and went back to watching my Haunted shows...

Later this group of teenagers came to my door, like 12 of them...i was happy to see they had GOOD costumes (not crap they just threw together) Thus i gave them candy and they were all polite and thankful ^_^

I would so go out trick-or-treating and i'm in my mid-twenties...but i would take kids with me and wear an awesome costume ^_^

At 11:48 PM, Blogger Dorian Mode said...

Mmmm . . . tiny little Snickers bars...

Yep. I feel calmer just having typed that.


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