Happy Halloween... I ThinkI don't ask much of trick or treaters.
They show up at my door and, assuming they're wearing some semblance of a costume, I'll give them some candy.
I don't even bother pointing out canonical inaccuracies in their costumes.
All that I ask is that they at least make the effort.
Give me something.
I'm not asking for incredibly detailed or intricate costumes.
Just wear a damned mask or something.
All evening, I've been answering my door only to find teenagers wearing regular clothes and expecting candy.
Did I start a food bank or something when I wasn't looking?
At that point, you're not really trick or treating.
You're just begging for food.
The only difference is that you've taken the initiative of going door to door begging.
If you show up at my door dressed in regular clothes, I'm going to show you my costume.
My costume is a guy who doesn't give candy to retards.
My wife likes to dress up as a door getting slammed in your face.
My "favorite" of all our trick or treaters was a girl.
I use that term loosely. She looked WAY too old to be out asking for candy.
What she was wearing couldn't be considered a costume in even the most liberal sense of the word.
And the best part?
She was smoking.
I'm not even making this up.
As I started to ask what the hell she was supposed to be, she blew smoke in my face and asked for candy.
She freaking asked for candy.
What the hell is wrong with people?
Halloween is not a difficult concept to grasp.
It's motherf&%@in' Halloween.
You dress up, you get candy.
If you don't dress up, then it's not Halloween.
It's just a regular Friday.
I don't open my door and give people candy on a regular freaking Friday.
Wear a damned costume or leave me the hell alone.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go eat tiny little Snickers bars until I calm down.