Saturday, April 05, 2008

[GM]Dave's Friends and Family

I know, I know. The title sounds like a cell phone commercial.

A lot of people have been making comments and sending me e-mails about finishing the April Fool's riot story (minus the awesome Rickroll) in the upcoming fan pack.

Since you guys are cool with me, that's exactly what I'll do. One week from today, I'll be sending out a new fan pack and yes, that story will be included.

As usual, anyone who donates $5 or more will receive the fan pack and the person who donates the most will be given the opportunity to take part in the blog if they want.

I will even help you propose to your significant other in front of the entire (read: extremely small segment of the) internet.

As a bonus, if your significant other turns you down and makes you look like a total moron, it'll be a two-part episode.

[GM]Dave is happy to profit from your suffering.

Now, thinking about the fan pack got me to thinking. It's been a long time since I did a theme week.

So, for the rest of the week, I will be updating on a daily basis with stories about my friends and family, quite a few of whom I've never mentioned.

And thus, I introduce you to Jeff.

Jeff has been my best friend since we were kids.

I'd say he was my brother from another mother, but I'm neither cool nor weird enough to try and pull that off.

Jeff and I went to the same college and even took a lot of the same classes.

We also skipped a lot of those classes together to play video games.

Good times, good times.

Do you know something funny? If you skip enough classes, it makes it really freaking hard to pass exams.

You'd be surprised how few college exams involve questions about PS2 games.

Damned edumacation system.

Now, I am an expert crammer. Give me a night or two and I can be ready for pretty much any exam.

I don't remember a freaking word afterwards, but I get through.

Unfortunately, Jeff often found himself with far too much too study and far too little time to study it in.

There's really no way to say exactly what game caused him to miss so much school time.

On an unrelated note, his Maat's cap is awesome.

This lead to two very interesting events:

a) an epic cram session

b) developing an intricate scheme to avoid the exam after that cram session goes down in flames

One time, and this is not a joke, he asked me to stab him in the arm with a butcher knife.


His plan was to tell his professor that he slipped and fell on it.

I realize this is both very funny and very sad.

Actually, it's mostly funny. I couldn't even stab the guy because I was laughing so hard.

And you know how I love the stabbing.

So, with an impending exam, and no knife in his forearm, Jeff had to come up with a new plan.

He walks out of his apartment and goes to the nearest stairwell.

[GM]Dave>> What are you doing?
Jeff>> I'm going to put my arm between these rails.
Jeff>> And then I'm going to jump and break my arm.
[GM]Dave>> This is so much better than studying.
[GM]Dave>> I really can't let you do this.
Jeff>> You can't stop me.
[GM]Dave>> Oh, I'm not stopping you.
[GM]Dave>> I just need to go get a camera.

And with that, he jumps.

Do you know how horrific it is to watch your best friend jump down a flight of stairs and break his arm?

Neither do I.

As he jumped, his arm slipped free and, instead of breaking his arm, he flew head long down a flight of stairs and into a wall.

Basically, the only thing that wasn't injured was his writing arm.

I really wish I was making this up.

So, I was caught in a difficult position. Do I laugh hysterically or do I go help my badly hurt best friend?

Of course, I went to help him.

When I finished laughing.

What? This is what guys do.

The entire point of having a best friend is so you can laugh at them.

When they throw themselves down a flight of stairs.

Into a wall.

I should write for Hallmark.


At 9:13 PM, Blogger Kat said...

I thought I was the only one with that philosophy about why I have a best friend lol.

BTW... First? I think so! Ha!

At 9:19 PM, Blogger Priori Panda said...

The next week shall be entertaining, to say the least.

Hopefully more Jeff stories than not.

At 10:38 PM, Blogger Miguel R. said...

It's a shame you couldn't get in contact with Goblin Smithy before the stair incident. Dx

On the bright side, it doesn't sound like Jeff had to take that test. And you got a good laugh in.

At 12:31 AM, Blogger King of Solomon said...

I agree, Dave. You should write for Hallmark. This stuff is brilliant.

At 2:36 AM, Blogger Jon said...

Love it Dave, it's just amazing, the part about best friends is amazingly true /smile

First time poster, insanely long time reader.

At 5:10 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 7:09 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

I would have been laughing too. Did you at least capture the priceless moment with a camera?

At 7:24 AM, Blogger Laserx said...

You know a good thing you can do? Sure this was in high school and not college, so it might not work as well, but you could either

a)Hold your breath until you faint in class right as they pass the test out or

b)Hyperventilate and faint in class right as they pass the test out.

... It worked for my chemistry test...

At 10:46 AM, Blogger La Femme Dot said...

Dave you make me giggle muchlies. Ty ^^

At 5:35 PM, Blogger quinn said...

yeah you could pass out like that, however you would have to deal with everyone laughing at you for passing out from a test for the next 4 years or however long you are there.

At 5:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

See Please Here

At 8:01 PM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

Not sure what that link is, but No Scrip stopped it... You fail at life!

At 7:52 AM, Blogger Yanni said...

It's a trick to install the spyware/virus XP antivirus. The irony of anyone getting infected because they do something stupid like click that link on this blog will amuse me greatly.

At 3:26 PM, Blogger GM Dave said...

I don't understand the appeal of your site. All you do is bitch and bitch like a woman and you expect love from your comments ? Maybe if you stop bitching and start talking people will take your blog seriously.


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