Tuesday, April 01, 2008

The Day Funny Died

April Fool's pranks are not funny.

They're not.

As a person who generally hates people, you'd think that I would love a day devoted to screwing with people.

And I would.

Unfortunately, most people don't seem to grasp the subtle difference between being funny and being retarded.

People seem to think that April 1st is some day where you can do whatever the hell you want and just say "April Fool's!"

Idiot>> Ha ha. I changed your ringtone to animal sex.

Idiot>> Ha ha. I pushed your grandmother down the stairs.

Idiot>> Ha ha. I hid your insulin.

Idiot>> Ha ha. Now, you've got herpes.

That shit ain't funny.

Funny is when you can fool someone into believing something that is mildly unbelievable and then revealing the truth to them in a way that everyone finds funny.

Not funny is when you say something that is so obviously, retardedly fake and then shout "April Fool's" in their face while they look at you with a mixture of contempt and disdain.

What do people think when they come up with these jokes?

Idiot>> I know!
Idiot>> I'll punch Fred in the face and yell "April Fool's"!
Idiot>> That'll be funny.
IdiotsBrain>> That's it.
IdiotsBrain>> I'm out of here, you slackjawed monkeytard.

There's nothing funny about being an asshole.

Unless you write a blog about it.


True funny is about being subtle, being creative.

Sure, I could have come in and thrown a server through a window.

But I have more finesse than that.

And I did that last Thursday.

This had to be something special.

I thought about the fastest way to hurt the most people as possible without an explosive device or gunfire.

Anyone can hurt someone physically. I wanted to break spirits.

Now, you're probably thinking I took all this out on players.

You'd be wrong.

I hurt players everyday.

Today, I set my sights on my co-workers.

When my supervisor stepped out for lunch, I snuck into his office and used the interoffice e-mail system.

To all employees,

Due to a decrease in productivity, we will be making adjustments to the office firewall and blocking certain websites that have been deemed inappropriate. From this point forward, the following websites will be inaccessible from your workstations:


We apologize for this change, but we feel this will increase our overall efficiency. Thank you.


Hit send and...

The murmur of discontent ran through the office like a wave.

It was perfect. I'd just wait a while and tell them all it was a joke.

That's when something odd happened. The murmur I had expected turned into an uproar I had not.

That uproar quickly turned into an all out riot. People started to gather in a circle and yell.

I had to do something fast.

The best way to handle this would be to just come clean and tell them the truth. Sure, they'd be mad, but really it was my only option.

I had to tell them.

So, I summoned all my courage and walked out of that office with my head held high.

I strode confidently into the middle of the crowd and said:

[GM]Dave>> Later, guys.

What? Do I look like a hero to you?

I got in my car and got the hell out of there.

Remember when I explained funny earlier?

I forgot something.

Funny is when you don't get you ass beat to death by a bunch of crazed computer geeks.

That's my kind of funny.


At 8:34 PM, Blogger David said...

Funniest ever, next to Twatch.

Keep up the good stuff!

At 8:43 PM, Blogger Lordshadow said...

I was expecting a post about that whole "Shutting down the servers" joke and all the GM calls you guys must be getting from pissy users

At 12:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought [GM]Dave would own up to the joke, stand in front of his peers and shout "April fools!". However, considering the circumstances, fleeing was probably the best option there if they were turning into a riotous mob.

Though I hope your supervisor had a gun on him lol. Or at least he will from now on.

At 5:06 AM, Blogger Surreal Blue said...

I know exactly what you mean about stupid April Fools Dave. Some people just don't get it. For these people I advise using a brand of their own medicene against them.

*Kicks Idiot in the balls*

*Idiot writhes on ground mouthing 'why?'*

"Oh, it's okay, it's only April Fools!"

At 12:00 PM, Blogger Laserx said...

God... you don't know how bad I have it. I am surrounded by houses which have at least 1 5-9 year old living in it. I can't take a step outside on april fools day without wanting to kill one of them for some retarded little prank that doesn't even qualify as a prank...

Kid: Hahahaha, I took 3 of the springs off of your trampoline and hid them! APRIL FOOLS!

Me: I see them behind your feet, moron...


Kid: Hahahaha, how'd you like the prank I set for you?

Me: What prank?

Kid: *retarded frustration noises that kind of sound like a retarded money trying to take a crap*

At 12:11 PM, Blogger Dezarn said...

some april fools jokes are good. this year mine was:

Me: Hey i just got a tattoo
victim: Cool lemme see!
Me: Well... its on my ass, but i designed it myself.
victim: comon lets see it.
Me: alright ...

and then the victim gets an eye full of bare naked ass.

At 1:01 PM, Blogger Kyle said...


We're going to need the aftermath of this one. Put it in your fanpack for some extra $$.

@dezarn: Not bad, man.

At 3:02 PM, Blogger Strings said...

Dave, I'm not a gamer. But I have to agree: most foks have NO sense of humor.

BTW: saw this (http://skippyslist.com/2008/04/01/social-activism-in-mmorpgs/#more-75)
on another blog, and thought you (and some of your readers) might be interested...

At 7:44 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Yarr, I be findin' most of the sites ye "banned" t' be suckin' anyways. Well, except Gmail, seein' as it be leagues better than crap like Hotmail. So I probably wouldn't have been riotin' with all the other swabs.

...Blast, who be I kiddin'? I would've been pillagin' an' plunderin' like the bilge rat I be.

P.S. I be sorry if any of ye be annoyed by the pirate talk. I found a fun Greasemonkey script that be changin' everythin' on the internet t' pirate talk, an' it be startin' t' affect me brain.

At 9:12 AM, Blogger Bellemithra said...

Haha that's great!!!!

At 10:32 AM, Blogger Sechakecha said...

The sad part about that is...



My office is actually doing that. /cry

They're also stripping images off of any email you get.


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