Sunday, March 23, 2008

If You Can't Beat Them...

I've decided to beat the spammers at their own game.

I am currently working on a design for the ultimate accessory, the wang watch.

This is going to be revolutionary. I'm going to completely redefine the field of penis time keeping.

It's not that big a field.


Up to this point, the entire field consisted of using it as a sundial.

But no longer. The R & D department at [GM]Dave Inc. (ie. me) is hard at work developing our prototype.

This is going to be the biggest thing to hit fashion since that thing that's really big in fashion right now.

Give me a break. I'm a guy. I don't know fashion. I pick my outfits based on what is least dirty.

The design process is going a little slow. How exactly do you design a watch to be warn on your second-in-command?

I'm definitely leaning towards velcro.

No metal clips.


And, of course, it will play mp3s.

Everything plays mp3s.

Don't worry ladies. [GM]Dave hasn't forgotten about you. I'm working on a ladies version as well.

Though it's really more of a clip-on.

I call it the Twatch.

And yes, I did write this entire update just so I could use the word Twatch.


What? I'm tired.


At 7:01 PM, Blogger Bufuman said...

No witty remark from me this time. There's no way I could hope to top "twatch". I busted a freaking gut at that bomb.

At 7:15 PM, Blogger Grenade71822 said...

What material would it be made out of? Cold steel could make matters worse But it does have the ability to be waterproof.
Twatch. Greatest Word ever.

At 7:22 PM, Blogger Frog Prince said...

Twatch = Best. Word. Ever.

Damn, grenade got there before me. Still, the concept of a "twatch" will keep me laughing all night ^__^.

You would hate to do stand up I'm sure Dave, but that is some awesome material you have there.

At 10:33 PM, Blogger Ricardo said...

Hey dave, what do you think of the male mithra?

It reminds me of the kid who used to get bullied at school.

At 4:45 AM, Blogger Laserx said...

Dave, do you have any release dates for these watches? I am looking forward to wearing one of these... but yeah, no cold metal or metal clips... that wouldn't be too fun.

Also, rofl at Twatch.

At 7:08 AM, Blogger Retromash said...

Twatch? I'll take 2.

At 8:17 AM, Blogger Alison the Amazing Thief said...

I am so deeply disturbed by this post. Dave, zip up the pants and get back to work. Men make me cry...Holy cow man, it's things like this that have helped me understand why some women give up on men completely and go lesbian. Stop tempting me to turn. My husband is a worthless idiot without me. Don't be a homewrecker.

At 9:38 AM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

Dear Alison the Amazing Thief,



At 10:43 AM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

Thank you, Dave. You just cost me five minutes of monitor cleanup.

Just for's one for you:

Now get Susan an iPod and don't tell her why you're grinning.

At 11:14 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Alison, I'm fairly certain Dave means no offense towards women with the word Twatch. Remember, Susan reads this blog too, so he CAN'T afford to offend women, lest he not get any lovin'. But seriously, lighten up, it's all in the name of humor.

Also, minoragentofchaos's link may be the most incredible thing I've ever seen.

At 11:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alison the Amazing Thief,

You're one of those annoying women who get offended when a male mentions any part of the female body. I hate your type.


(snatch could be an accessory for the twatch, could like... be a clip for yer keys)

Your husband is better off without you. If you want to be a lesbian go do it, no one really cares.

Pssh. Dykes eh?

At 1:11 PM, Blogger Brindaa said...

What will the watches be called????

"PENEX"--'Takes a %$@^ing and keeps on ticking??

At 2:50 PM, Blogger Laserx said...

OMG brindaa, that was... awesome...

At 3:49 PM, Blogger MinorAgentofChaos said...

What will the watches be called?

How about...hmmm....


C'mon, folks, unleash your worst. :)

and bufuman, there's some other seriously messed-up links I could post in the same vein, but I don't want Dave banning me for spamming his blog with sex-toy-related links...

...wait, this IS Dave I'm talking about. Muahahahahahaha.

At 4:52 PM, Blogger Fritzy said...

Now all you have to do is sell the idea out to the world and maybe spam might decrease because people are so entertained? But haha this is brill xD lol.

And wouldn't velcro be veeeeery noisy?

Guess it'll make people wonder what you're up to if they don't have a clue.

At 4:57 PM, Blogger matt4684 said...

Twatch out (HA!). As an employee of SE, do they not own you, your soul, and any ideas you may or may not have? If so, the corporate lawyers are probably already filling out a patent for the twatch.

At 5:02 PM, Blogger Kelli said...

Couldn't velcro lead to some very painful haiur pulling moments? Don't need accidental pube removal.

At 6:31 PM, Blogger [GM]Dave said...

Actually, the men's version is called the Polex.

The deluxe model has a built in day planner, so you can get work done while taking care of business.

I considered a stop watch function, but a lot of guys might find that depressing.

At 6:48 PM, Blogger Kaylie said...

I agree that velcro would be uncomfortable at best for the fellas. So... why not use something that some guys already use - cock rings! That's right! Take a nice watch and add it to the already existing cock ring!

At 8:35 PM, Blogger Alison the Amazing Thief said...

Oh the evil giggles of glee.

At 12:01 AM, Blogger quinn said...

awesome post followed by comments and link. and minimal retarded posting!

At 7:14 AM, Blogger Devious 21 said...

Great idea Dave, keep em coming.

Any chance on naming the male version the "i-peen" ?

Waiting eagerly for my twatch spam mails...

At 5:47 PM, Blogger semele said...

Velcro? What about your short hairs? Sounds dangerous. Plus do you really want your girlfriend (presuming she is willing to provide such services) timing herself? Wait, that does sound fun. "Alright, honey, I think I can beat our previous record! Ready, go!"

The phrase Twatch was used by the Bob and Tom show to advertise a watch that plays porn. You should look up the clip. I'm sure its on the internet somewhere, everything is - even dolls of Kermit and Miss Piggy in S&M gear. I swear. I found it on eBay accidentally one day. No really, by accident. *ahem* Well I give up.

At 5:26 PM, Blogger Laserx said...

Rofl, I think most men would find the stop watch depressing... speaking of which, why do they need Viagra to last 4 hours long?... I mean you use it, you have sex, then what are you suppose to do with the other nearly 4 hours?

At 6:33 PM, Blogger Teewrecks said...

Anyone who knows of these gents knows they have already come up with a watch of some related sort... though it's harder to wear all day, and doesn't tell time quite as well. I don't know what they have in the R&D dept. for anything like the Twatch though. Keep up the good work... unless you need to keep it down. XD


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