Tech SupportSomeone please shoot me.
For some reason though, I have become the tech guru for my family.
And it's not just computers. Apparently, my ability to use computers makes me some form of expert on TV repair.
This would be frustrating except for the fact that the problem is usually something so stupid that anyone with the slightest clue would be able to figure it out.
FamilyMember>> Firefox disappeared off my computer.
Dave>> You accidentally deleted the shortcut.
FamilyMember>> The blender broke.
Dave>> Maybe you should plug it in first.
FamilyMember>> I can't get the microwave open.
Dave>> That's a television.
I mean is it that hard to learn how to use electronics anymore?
If they made some of these things any more idiot proof, someone would come to your house and use it for you.
FamilyMember>> Can I listen to my ipod?
TechGuy>> Go sit the hell down.
TechGuy>> I'll bring you the headphones in a minute.
FamilyMember>> I like that Avril Lavigne.
TechGuy>> Go sit down.
So, we're at Susan's parents house.
Actually, I was at Susan's parents house. Susan was gone shopping.
The only people home were me and her mother.
No good could come from this.
I'm upstairs using their "computer".
I use quotation marks because that thing barely qualifies as a computer. It's a 1 Ghz celeron with 128 megs of ram and running Windows ME.
I actually wash my hands when I'm done.
Anyway, I'm using the "computer" when I hear those dreaded words:
SusansMom>> Can you help me with something?
Maybe it won't be anything bad.
Maybe she needs help lifting something.
Anything but electronics.
SusansMom>> I think the remote is broken.
So, I go downstairs and find Susan's mother kneeling in front of the television stand and shaking the remote furiously.
I submit diagram A.
The other guys who get suckered into doing this probably already see the problem.
In case you do not, I have prepared a second diagram.
She had been sat there for 10 minutes trying to change the channel.
She didn't bother to once try pointing the remote at the cable box.
The cable box she herself purchased.
I explained it to her.
SusansMom>> Well that's just dumb.
And if I had killed her, I would have gone to jail.
Where's the justice?
This, of course, leads us to Diagram C
My head still hurts. I think I may have given myself brain damage.
At least they wouldn't ask me for help anymore.