Saturday, March 01, 2008

Career Day!

Man, this has been a looooooooooong week.

Friday was quite possibly the strangest day of my life.

Some of you may remember Susan's nephew Jerry.

It seems Jerry's class was doing one of those career day things where some kid's dad explains what it's like to be a tax accountant and all the other children die a little inside.

Fun.

Unfortunately, both of Jerry's parents had to work that day.

I'm pretty sure that's ironic.

Anyway, who do you think Jerry decided to ask to take their place?

Since I'm writing this story, the answer should be readily apparent.

I will give Jerry some credit though. He played this one smart.

Had he called me directly, the call would have gone like this:

Dave>> Hello?
Jerry>> Hi, Uncle Dave.
Jerry>> It's me, Jerry.
Dave>> Oh, hey, Jerry.
Dave>> What's going on?
Jerry>> I was wondering if you could come to career day for me.
Dave>> Yeah, Dave's not here right now.
Dave>> Not sure when he'll be back.
Jerry>> Uncle Dave?
Dave>> Shouldn't be too long.
Dave>> I'll tell him to call you.
Jerry>> I know it's you, Uncle Dave.
Dave>> No hablo ingles.

*click*

Dave>> Good kid, that Jerry.

Jerry, however, is not as dumb as you might think.

He called Susan.

Bastard.

This is how the call actually went:

Susan>> Hello?
Jerry>> Hi, Aunt Susan.
Jerry>> It's me, Jerry.
Susan>> Hi, Jerry.
Susan>> What's up?
Jerry>> Could you ask Uncle Dave if he'll do me a favor?
Susan>> Oh, he'll do it.
Jerry>> You don't even know what it is yet.
Susan>> Doesn't matter.
Susan>> He'll do it.

That's my wife, ladies and gentlemen.

Note to self: retain divorce attorney.

Anyway, I had been voluntold into young Jerry's career day.

This, however, left me with a huge problem: how do I explain my job to a group of children?

[GM]Dave>> Hi, kids.
[GM]Dave>> I play video games all day.
[GM]Dave>> For money.

Yeah... That'll prepare them for the real world.

Maybe I should emphasize the down side.

[GM]Dave>> Hi, kids.
[GM]Dave>> I spend my day dealing with retards.
Teacher>> I hear ya, brother.

... No.

On Friday, I was an hour away from career day and still had no clue what I was going to say to his class.

I just decided it would be best if I went in their and winged it.

What could go wrong?

Wait... Kids aren't impressionable, are they?

Crap.

Teacher>> Class, this is Jerry's uncle.
Teacher>> He's a... Game... Master.
[GM]Dave>> Thank you.
[GM]Dave>> Well, kids, I'm a Game Master.
Kid1>> What's that?
Jerry>> He plays video games all day.
[GM]Dave>> Not exactly.
[GM]Dave>> I help players in an online role-playing game.
Kid1>> You mean like WoW?
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> No...
Kid2>> My dad plays WoW.
[GM]Dave>> That's great...
Kid3>> Mine, too.
[GM]Dave>> Yeah, you know what else your dad does?

I have been "asked" not to return to career day.

All I said was that the kid's dad loves his mom very much.

Maybe not in those exact words...

14 Comments:

At 6:13 PM, Blogger quinn said...

awesome. your job sounds awesome until the retards get thrown in

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger Kat said...

wow... I couldnt imagine having to deal with that. I don't envy you Dave.

 
At 3:58 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

[GM]Dave>> Hi, kids.
[GM]Dave>> I spend my day dealing with retards.
Teacher>> I hear ya, brother.


Classic.

 
At 7:07 AM, Blogger The Illuminaughty said...

I feel your pain of being voluntold what to do, Dave.

But hey, if you're lucky, that's the last time Susan's nephew asks you for a favour ;)

 
At 1:20 PM, Blogger Xatticus said...

[GM]Dave>> You know what else your dad does?

I almost pissed myself

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger Charlie said...

"That's my wife, ladies and gentlemen."

I thought Susan was your girlfriend Dave?

/equip "feet" ball and chain

 
At 11:27 PM, Blogger Ricardo said...

I can't imagine what Goblin Smithy would've said if he had been in Dave's place.

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger Lordshadow said...

ricardo, I can.

"*Stabs kids in the trachea*"

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Martin said...

best one by far!!

 
At 4:46 PM, Blogger The Anaconda said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger The Anaconda said...

""That's my wife, ladies and gentlemen."

I thought Susan was your girlfriend Dave?"

its been a long time since he last posted regularly, much must have happened in that time

 
At 1:37 PM, Blogger Jaiden said...

Well think of it this way...why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

Another side comment...why do men die before women?

Because we want to.

 
At 4:53 AM, Blogger Yensil blogs again! said...

Now see, I would've gone on with the the whole "yes like WoW" ruse, and then followed the kid home blown up his house after making sure the entire family, especially the father, were in there.
Just few less retards to plague us. :D

 
At 4:49 PM, Blogger Calendras said...

hahahahahahahaha! funny stuff!

 

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