Monday, March 03, 2008

250!

Wow. Post 250.

To think that I have written 250 rants in this blog.

It really tells you something, doesn't it?

I have WAY too much time on my hands.

I thought long and hard about what I could write for number 250.

This was, of course, incredibly important so I sat down and wouldn't let anything distract me.

Five minutes later...

I'm playing Playstation.

I can't help it if I have a short attention hey something shiny.

What was I saying?

So, I'm playing Playstation. A few days ago, I decided to give FFXII another run through.

No, it had nothing to do with a certain helmet.

Shut up.

Anyway, I'm setting up my gambits for my characters.

For those of you who haven't played FFXII (what's the matter with you?), gambits are basically instructions you can set for your characters so that the other people in your group will follow preset rules that you have given them.

That's when an idea came to me.

Actually, "came to me" is putting it far too lightly.

This idea fell from the heavens and struck me in the brain. It was as if a giant light bulb flickered and then blazed inside my head.

There may have been a chorus of angels.

I'm not sure.

I immediately went to work moving Susan's computer across the room so it was side by side with my own.

This was made all the harder by the fact that Susan was using it at the time.

Do you know how hard it is to take a computer that someone else is using and move it across the room with them complaining the whole time?

Some people are so inconsiderate.

When little miss yappy finally gives up and stalks away muttering something about hiding a body, I log in on my main account and then use Susan's computer to log into my GM account.

I quickly form a party on my main. We've got a good set up. Things are looking good.

This is usually where the story takes a turn for the worse. This is usually where some moron does something stupid and blows it all to hell.

Notice that I said "usually".

You see, I've figured out the problem with massively multiplayer online games.

It's those damned other people.

But what if we could take those people out of the equation?

What if I had the ability to control another player's character?

I do?

Really?

Huh.

RedMage>> Something weird's going on guys.
RedMage>> My macros aren't working.
Paladin>> Mine either.
Paladin>> But my character is still casting spells.
WhiteMage>> WHAT THE HELL?!
Dave>> Yeah...
Dave>> That's weird.
Dave>> I totally don't know why that's happening.
WhiteMage>> Can you still control your character?
Dave>> Of course I can.
BlackMage>> WHY AM I CASTING BLIZZARD?
BlackMage>> I'M NOT PRESSING ANYTHING!
Dave>> Yup.
Dave>> Complete mystery.
Dave>> And that was Blizzard II.
RedMage>> Maybe we should all log out or something.
Dave>> Yeah, you should try that.
Dave>> Dammit. It didn't work.
RedMage>> How did you know it didn't work?
Dave>> Well, I disabled your log out.
Dave>> Made sense to me.
Paladin>> YOU DID WHAT?!
Dave>> Oh, calm down.
Dave>> Look at the exp we're getting.
Paladin>> GIVE ME BACK CONTROL!
Dave>> I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
RedMage>> THIS IS INSANE!
Dave>> I know.
Dave>> Your name's not even Dave.
Dave>> That line would have been awesome if your name was Dave.
Dave>> Why isn't your name Dave?
Dave>> Stupid Not-Dave.
BlackMage>> FORGET IT!
BlackMage>> I'M GOING TO UNPLUG MY ROUTER!
Dave>> You could do that.
Dave>> Of course, then I'd have to ban you.
RedMage>> YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
RedMage>> IT'S NOT FAIR!
Dave>> Yeah...
Dave>> Tough call.
Dave>> On the one hand, you are a person.
RedMage>> THAT'S RIGHT!
Dave>> Of course, I hate people.
Dave>> Not really seeing a dilemma here.

And so, we spent the next four hours partying. No one died and we made a hell of a lot of exp.

We all had a great time.

I assume.

For all I know, they left to go make a sandwich or something.

You know, the game would be a lot more fun if people were just a little bit more accommodating.

Or were replaced by a number of preset commands.

Or robots.

Yeah, robots would be awesome.

Now, many of you may be thinking it wasn't right to just take over their accounts and make them do whatever I wanted them to.

Maybe you're right.

But let me ask you something: did Balthier ever get your entire party killed because he had to go answer the phone?

No?

Something to think about.

17 Comments:

At 7:31 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

If I played I would totally let you do that to my account! I could get tons of exp without doing anything! XD

 
At 8:19 PM, Blogger Drew said...

that was amazing

 
At 8:19 PM, Blogger Xatticus said...

i second jeff's comment.

i don't even have enough time during the week to play my character enough to make it worthwhile.

hey Dave...wanna take over my account? haha

great post

 
At 8:49 PM, Blogger Nik said...

That was amazing. Like your own little army of Daves running around.

 
At 5:52 AM, Blogger Rob said...

Can you do that for me too? It's so hard to get into a merit party as a WHM.

 
At 6:42 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

Now, admittedly, I wasn't a fan of FFXII. The story was terrible, the characters were bland (except for the aforementioned Balthier), and I didn't like the Gambit system for the same reason the other players hated this stunt, that being that letting the game (or in their case, a GM) do everything for you was just plain boring. However, I still think this is one of the best ideas I've ever heard.

On the note of players leaving and getting a party killed, though, I do have one inquiry for you, Dave. What if YOU had to suddenly leave for something? Say, for example, Susan put on that small and uncomfortable number you mentioned around Valentine's...

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger Chris said...

Getting the party killed is Dave's priority because he is GMDave.

Not a mere mortal.

As for macros...eh, it's kinda like the gamer geek version of voyeurism. As a very prominent webcomic once said of it: "Yes, the game is masturbating"

And there are worse games to watch masturbate. Like Kabuki Warriors for the Xbox. (Launch title. AI So dumb you could literally win the game by bashing the controller against your own ass)

 
At 9:47 AM, Blogger The Anaconda said...

hahaha, genius, I love the Gambit system

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Cassidy said...

I think it's totally awesome that at the time you posted this I was in a theater watching 2001.

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger jason said...

hey, here is the site i was talking about where i made the extra cash, I was making about $900 extra a month...
check it out ..

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger jason said...

hey, here is the site i was talking about where i made the extra cash, I was making about $900 extra a month...
check it out ..

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger james said...

so where do i sign up for this service?

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger Kyle said...

Oh [GM]Dave, you and your god powers....

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger Ricardo said...

This is actually possible in Guild Wars, with no need of another account or computer. They're called Heroes.

The bad side is you can only bring three, counting you, four. Leaving 4 (8-man party limit in most areas) free slots for insanity, stupidity, retardness and Leeroy Jenkins.

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger quinn said...

anyone here play/played lineage 2? this sounds a hell of alot like l2 walker. for non l2 people it is a commonly used bot program and people quite commonly get 3 characters in a group with preset commands (eg rest at 50% hp)then leave and eat a sandwhich and all of there characters just went up 2 levels.

 
At 8:17 PM, Blogger Eirke said...

I'd love for you to take over my character, your alot better then me at FFXI, (and i really could use a sandwich), and i agree entirely anyone who has never played FFXII Before should go jump in a dragons mouth.

If only you could find one that you could summon with the press of a button

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Nummies said...

Balthier?!

its all about BASCH!

:D and Fran. ish. I usually set her as party leader and gambit everyone to gang rape and heal <70%hp...

 

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