Monday, November 20, 2006

[GM]Dave: Caring Partner

Many of my readers (particularly the females) have been asking how Susan is doing.

Remember Susan?

Yeah, she's still pregnant.

No, I have not pushed her down any stairs.

Today, though, I got to experience one of the most amazing events of my life. I actually got to see my baby for the first time.

This was accomplished despite the fact that the baby is still inside Susan.

No, I did not shove a camera in there to look at the baby.

Susan said no.

Plus, I have no idea what that could do to my digital camera. The instructions say not to take it out in the rain. I really don't think it's designed to be inserted into the human uterus.

Still, I thought it might make for a cute picture.

[GM]Dave>> And here's another picture of you.
[GM]Dave>> This is you next to Mommy's kidney.
[GM]Dave>> How sweet.

We made it to the doctor's office (despite the morons that infest the highway) and sat down in the exam room.

Well... I was sat down. Susan was lying on a table with her feet up in stirrups.

Is it wrong that I got a little excited at that?

That's when a nice nurse walked in.

(Bow Chikka Wow Wow)

[GM]Dave>> Excuse me, nurse.
[GM]Dave>> Is the doctor going to be much longer?

You know something funny? Women doctors look a lot like women nurses.

You know who doesn't find that funny? Women doctors.

Man, she got angry. You'd think a woman in a professional position would be more understanding.

Must be that time of the month.

I kid, I kid.

Anyway, when we got that out of the way, the doctor rubbed some jelly onto Susan's abdomen (Bow Chikka Wow Wow) and then set up the sonogram machine. A little screen next to her lit up and there, in front of me, was a picture of my baby.

It was incredible.

It was amazing.

It was... blurry as all holy hell.

I had no freaking clue what I was looking at. It was gray with dark gray blotches and light gray blotches.

What a glorious age we live in.

Still, being me, I couldn't actually admit that I had no idea what I was looking at. Guys don't do that.

Instead, I decided to wing it.

[GM]Dave>> Oh wow.
[GM]Dave>> That's amazing.
Susan>> You see it?
[GM]Dave>> Sure, I do.
[GM]Dave>> It's right there.
Susan>> Where?

Uh oh.

Was she testing me or did she really not know where it was either?

Could I honestly keep deceiving her about such an important event in our lives?

[GM]Dave>> Right there toward the center of the screen.

Of course I could.

What are you, new?

Susan>> Can you show me?

Crap.

[GM]Dave>> ... Uhh...
[GM]Dave>> Maybe the doctor should explain.

Crisis averted.

Susan>> No, no, honey.
Susan>> I want you to show me.
[GM]Dave>> Oh...
[GM]Dave>> Oh... kay.

So, I stepped over to the screen to get a closer look at it.

Didn't help a bit.

[GM]Dave>> This is the... head.
Susan>> Really?
Susan>> Can you see anything else?
[GM]Dave>> Uhhh... Sure, I can.
[GM]Dave>> That's a leg right there.
Susan>> Can you tell if it's a boy or girl?
[GM]Dave>> The leg?
Susan>> The baby, silly.
[GM]Dave>> Let me check.

Now, I have no idea what I'm looking for/at.

[GM]Dave>> I can't tell.
Susan>> What do you mean you can't tell?
[GM]Dave>> There's stuff in the way.
[GM]Dave>> You know... The stuff.
Susan>> ...
Susan>> You don't see anything do you?
[GM]Dave>> Sure, I do.
[GM]Dave>> There's the baby's hand.
Susan>> You just said that was a leg.
[GM]Dave>> Whatever.
Susan>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Fine.
[GM]Dave>> I don't see anything.
[GM]Dave>> I mean, look at that picture.
[GM]Dave>> What kind of video card does this thing have?
Susan>> Why didn't you say something?
[GM]Dave>> Same reason I do most other things.
[GM]Dave>> I have no friggin' clue.
Susan>> I can't believe you lied.
Doctor>> Excuse me.
Susan>> You could have just said something.
[GM]Dave>> Where's the fun in that?
Doctor>> Excuse me.
Susan>> You're ridiculous.
Doctor>> Knock it off!
Doctor>> I'm trying to talk here.

Whoops. Forgot she was here.

After that, the doctor went through the picture with us. It was really interesting.

And by "interesting," I mean "boring as hell."

Still, I finally got to see my baby. My beautiful, beautiful baby.

At least... I think I saw my baby.

Honestly, that gray blotch could have been anything.

24 Comments:

At 8:49 PM, Blogger Siegtaru said...

-First Comment-

Aww, that's so cute! So did you find out if it was a boy or a girl? Or is it still not possible to tell or something? xD

 
At 8:53 PM, Blogger Zlo said...

lol dave got susan mad. Anyway nice no stair pushing so yea boy or girl is the question err...or gray blotch.

 
At 9:05 PM, Blogger Pixie said...

Congratulations Mr. GM Dood ... no feeding baby to Jormy when it wakes you up at 2am

 
At 9:15 PM, Blogger backlash said...

i figured as technologically inclined as you are gm dave that you would have opted for the advanced mongram. they actually take a picture (not like that, pervert.) and turn it into a 3D image. you can actually make out an arm and a leg and a head and hell, it actually looks like a baby instead of blury fusy shit. btw, i cant read em either, i see girl going, "oh its so cute" and im thinking, "what the hells so cute about it? it looks like an ink blot test." please be good to susan...please! and the baby too, btw you should have said boy or girl (or do you plan to keep us waiting?) either way love your blog. people like you are humanitie's last shred of hope from being taken over by retarded people.

 
At 9:22 PM, Blogger OC said...

[GM]Dave>> I mean, look at that picture.
[GM]Dave>> What kind of video card does this thing have?


Best Line EVER!

 
At 11:57 PM, Blogger tarinakarelia said...

lol backlash, i hate to be a nitpicker here, but being technologically inclined and being so rich to AFFORD a 3-d print out of your baby are not the same thing :P normal people cant do stuff like that ^^ (not to offend the great [Gm]Dave by calling him normal... oh crap what have i done!!!) /panics and runs away!

 
At 4:11 AM, Blogger Petrograd said...

Gotta hate the resolution on those things. And black and white is sooo 80's.

 
At 4:46 AM, Blogger token black guy said...

yoyoyo in color dat mess would be str8 up gross looking yo! mad azz pink everwhere n shid! gross yo!

 
At 5:17 AM, Blogger Belmarin of Bismarck said...

"You know something funny? Women doctors look a lot like women nurses.

You know who doesn't find that funny? Women doctors.

Man, she got angry. You'd think a woman in a professional position would be more understanding.

Must be that time of the month"

I almost did a spit take on my monitor.... You're right, the damned thing's an inkblot. They don't think it's funny when you say "it's a bunny, no two people fighting, no no no Washington Crossing the Delaware!!" either...

 
At 5:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What?! I can't believe you can't see it. I have no problem making out those images. Maybe I have an untapped talent or maybe it's just part of my womanly instincts to be able to decipher those things. Idk but I love the baby talk.

 
At 5:58 AM, Blogger Jennifer said...

hmmm, i think it's probably still to soon to tell yet what the baby is. (is she at the end of the first trimeseter?) congratulations on being able to see your baby, even if you didn't "see" it.

 
At 7:14 AM, Blogger Kikadper said...

They need to sharpen the image. Its like they're running on 98 or something with a 64 mb card. I hated my pictures. Rawr.

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

[GM]Dave...just wondering...has the "Boobie Fairy" visited Susan yet?? one of my X-husbands favorite things about me being pregnant with our son. But remember ..their not yours..their for the baby.....hehehehehe

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Xayla said...

Are you going to get a miniature GM helmet made for the little tyke? ^^

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

Congratulations, Dave. Even though those ultrasounds are damn near impossible to decipher, at least you know that there's actually a baby in there now. Is it a boy or a girl?

 
At 1:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations Dave. I have to wonder, with your Hollywood star-like appeal (at least to me), are you going give your child a name like Sean or maybe Liz? Or will you lean more towards fruit-like names and word combinations like Apple, Dweezil or Moon Unit?

On a seperate note, I love this blog.

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger RDMFire said...

If you having a baby is true, and you want to get a 3-d image of your baby, tell me the amount and maybe I can help you out.
Shouldn't be more than 300 dollars, my brother had one done for his wife and they didn't bitch about the price, so it should be reasonable.

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger shelby said...

[GM]Dave>> I mean, look at that picture.
[GM]Dave>> What kind of video card does this thing have?


you're my hero.


congrats on getting to see [gm]baby!

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger Exc said...

You watch too much Friends Dave
Stop stealing material! :D

 
At 8:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome blog! Congratulations with 'seeing' the baby!

 
At 7:43 PM, Blogger Rajsela said...

Congratulations on the baby ^^ Maybe when its born maybe you can have the little baby as a GM in training, just like his/her father. ^^

 
At 11:56 PM, Blogger Hooks said...

[GM]Dave>> I mean, look at that picture.
[GM]Dave>> What kind of video card does this thing have?


Rofl. Great sentence. <3 the blog!

 
At 4:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, i'm just here to defend James and his friend. No, i'm not james, anyways, it's not funny to say such things and waste ur time reading about him, sure go and enjoy yourself, by the way, by saying that someone is a retard, means he really sucks at english. And anyways, the people that keep saying you fail at life! ya sure, you havn't meeted them yet. My brother gave me this adress, and i went in on it, and readed about the things James said. I can't really understand how you can defend [GM]Dave, you all know it's not for real, seriously. I think he's just a stupid fag never reached level 75 and kept bragging that he's a GM, i bet you heard a Gm's problem and decided to start a blogg about it, you can't say people fail at life, i mean wtf. Your working in a game for god sake. You're the one that fail at life. I bet most will defend [Newbie]Dave, and say that i fail at life etc. Sure say that, but it's not true. I have a wonderful life. By the way i'm from sweden, make up something about that, please. I mean you keep making up things, just make up something else about this post.

By the way Dave, you sir, fail at life. That ain't a lie anyways, sorry.
Gl with your thief or whatever class you're playing, james.
Be happy that you got so many comments, liar. Hope a girl rapes you, loser.

By the way, Jennifer, yes you, you look like shit, seriously, i bet you lost your virganity with a loser like dave.

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger payyn said...

yeah i had a 3d one. my insurance covered it..(prolly cuz i had complications ; ;) but i had a 3d every week... and the ugly grey one >.< for a pic they charged me like 10 buck :) i got two. CONGRATULATIONS!! on yur lil girl :) i had a lil girl too ^^
be good and keep feeding the dragon. or he'll run away :D

-Payyn

 

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