Sunday, November 19, 2006

Tough Love

A lot of people ask me why I'm so mean to people.

And then I hit them.

The simple reason for my meanness is that you need me to be mean.

It's the only way you're going to learn anything.

Here's a quick look at what the world would be like if [GM]Dave started being nice to people.

[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> What can I help you with today?
Player>> I have a problem.
[GM]Dave>> No problem, sir.
[GM]Dave>> I'll get right on it.
Player>> Thank you.
[GM]Dave>> You're welcome.

Isn't that just plain sick?

I mean, what in the hell did that player just learn?

Did they learn self-reliance? No.

Did they learn to handle adversity? No.

Did they learn to cope with disappointment? No.

Did they learn to leave me the hell alone? No.

That was a complete waste of time.

Our relationship is a good one. We're there for each other. We both care about what the other person thinks.

That's a healthy relationship.

(Disclaimer: [GM]Dave is neither there for you nor does he care what you think.)

Occasionally, I have to smack you around. I don't like doing it, but sometimes I have no choice.

Actually... I do like doing it. A lot. And I usually do have a choice, but go with the smacking around anyway. Sometimes I even have to go out of my way to initiate the smacking around.

But it's all for your own good.

And by "your own good", I mean "my own good".

And isn't that what we really care about?

Some people will only learn to become contributing members of society through my complex system of random acts of cruelty and dragon-related violence.

Also, it makes me giggle.

Just this afternoon, I had to have a serious discussion with a player about our relationship. He was getting a little clingy and I needed some space.

GM Call Description: Want to report a fish botter.


[GM]Dave>> Hail, Adventurer.
[GM]Dave>> We need to talk.
Player>> I know.
Player>> I called you.
[GM]Dave>> Good, good.
[GM]Dave>> At least we both know there's a problem.
Player>> Of course we do.
Player>> What's the matter with you?
[GM]Dave>> Oh, so now it's my fault?
Player>> What are you talking about?
[GM]Dave>> I'm talking about us.
[GM]Dave>> We have a serious problem.
[GM]Dave>> You don't validate my role in our relationship.
Player>> Our relationship?
[GM]Dave>> See?
[GM]Dave>> You take me for granted.
Player>> Can I speak with another GM please?
[GM]Dave>> Oh, that's how it is?
[GM]Dave>> You want to see other people.
Player>> I just want to report a fish botter.
Player>> That's it.
[GM]Dave>> What did you call me?
Player>> Dear lord.
[GM]Dave>> I...
[GM]Dave>> I think we need some time apart.
Player>> ...
Player>> What does that mean?


Player>> Oh shi...

Jormungand hits Player for 15,774 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Why do you make me hit you?

After that, we decided it would be best if we didn't see each other for a while.

That shouldn't be too hard to accomplish though as I deleted all of his characters, closed his account, reported his credit card stolen, and forwarded his name to a credit agency.

Still, though, it was for his own good.

I'm not sure why, but it's the thought that counts.


At 10:01 PM, Blogger Aylee said...

Nice, very nice. Usual good work, [GM]Dave

At 10:20 PM, Blogger Zarquon said...

Yeah, he deserved it.

At 11:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

3rd =p

At 12:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny called. You need to get back with it.

At 12:41 AM, Blogger Soren said...


1.Shut the fuck up.
2.Get the fuck out.

You don't like [GM]Dave's blog, don't read it. End of story.

[GM]Dave, nice work. Keep it up (^^d)

At 12:48 AM, Blogger Stocky said...

Micheal said...
Funny called. You need to get back with it.

4 Months ago called, it says it wants it's joke back.

At 4:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's not good enough for you Dave. The right player will be at your side to annoy goldsellers and feed retards to dragons one day. Just be patient.

Very good work Dave, keep it up. =D

At 4:32 AM, Blogger token black guy said...

yo datz wack yo....dat wuz me he banned. yo. why yo.

At 6:48 AM, Blogger Spider said... mean to imply there are non-botting people out there who fish?


At 6:52 AM, Blogger Belsire said...

I think someone needs to make a call to the Mental Health Hotline.

Dear goodness though, did TBG really deserve that?

At 8:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Short and sweet.

The player confusion was layered on extra thick this time.

Keep up the funny.

At 10:58 AM, Blogger Calvyn said...

Hey [GM]Dave, where you screwing with Maat's stats last night when I beat him as a level 66 thief on my first try?

...yeah, I'm bragging.

At 11:59 AM, Blogger WHM of Death said...

[GM]Dave...he asked fot it. Glad we have you. I have to go and beat my son for something he hasn't done yet(but will do someday).

At 12:15 PM, Blogger token black guy said...

holla my mom used to beat me wit a rusty bumper when i wuz growin' up! she said i wuz a st00pid n00b!! holla!

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Elvean said...

hahaha Man, you make me laugh!!

And got me totally hooked on the oter game!!
Im so happy I know you and that you can't hit me!!! lol

At 2:47 PM, Blogger Veinor Angiol said...

Some people will only learn to become contributing members of society through my complex system of random acts of cruelty and dragon-related violence.

Also, it makes me giggle.

Us too, [GM]Dave (almost typed [[GM]]; I've been editing Wikipedia for too long). Us too.

At 2:56 PM, Blogger Eirwen said...

Loved it!

oh, and... 17th :P

At 4:28 PM, Blogger Sutaru said...

My mom used the same method of discipline on me as a child and I turned out fine. <_< >_>

At 11:21 PM, Blogger The Answer said...


At 10:54 PM, Blogger Askinstoo said...

just thought I'd let you know a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!

At 10:55 PM, Blogger Askinstoo said...

just thought I'd let you know a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!

At 2:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wtf's wrong with you?
he didn't do anything wrong.

At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, i'm just here to defend James and his friend. No, i'm not james, anyways, it's not funny to say such things and waste ur time reading about him, sure go and enjoy yourself, by the way, by saying that someone is a retard, means he really sucks at english. And anyways, the people that keep saying you fail at life! ya sure, you havn't meeted them yet. My brother gave me this adress, and i went in on it, and readed about the things James said. I can't really understand how you can defend [GM]Dave, you all know it's not for real, seriously. I think he's just a stupid fag never reached level 75 and kept bragging that he's a GM, i bet you heard a Gm's problem and decided to start a blogg about it, you can't say people fail at life, i mean wtf. Your working in a game for god sake. You're the one that fail at life. I bet most will defend [Newbie]Dave, and say that i fail at life etc. Sure say that, but it's not true. I have a wonderful life. By the way i'm from sweden, make up something about that, please. I mean you keep making up things, just make up something else about this post.

By the way Dave, you sir, fail at life. That ain't a lie anyways, sorry.
Gl with your thief or whatever class you're playing, james.
Be happy that you got so many comments, liar. Hope a girl rapes you, loser.

By the way, Jennifer, yes you, you look like shit, seriously, i bet you lost your virganity with a loser like dave.

At 4:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And by the way, i read it as much as i want. I like to enjoy your stupid posts that says how good [GM] (Gayliar Masteroflies), sure he's really great at making up stories, i'm not even laughing except at in the comment sections.

At 4:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And no, i'm not obsessed with him, i'm just doing this because i don't like liars like dave. I do this whenever i'm waiting for a group. By the way my name is a lvl 75 Samuari, with almost the best gear in game, please come and ban me, my name is ole at unicorn. Come on biatch, I'm waiting for you faker. Well, you're just a frood, so i guess not. :) Well good job keep up the lies, ur really good at lying.

At 2:47 AM, Blogger Elvean said...

Did you leave it with this??
i SURE hope not!

At 2:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


when did any sort of comedy have to be truthful in any way? (not implying that [GM]Dave is a lie)

At 5:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


yet another obsessed fan that is crying for attention (or to be used as dragon food)

At 5:53 AM, Blogger Send said...

anyone know of a fishing bot that actually works?


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