Sunday, February 07, 2010

/Em Is Sick


That is exactly how I feel at this moment. My entire physical being can be measured and summed up by those three little letters.


There is nothing that I would want to do less when I'm sick than go into work. Just the thought of having to deal with a never ending flood of retarded people while my body falls apart makes me want to shoot myself.

Do you know how expensive bullets are?

Spoiler: Really expensive.

Even if I could afford bullets, I definitely couldn't afford a gun.

And I seriously doubt throwing the bullets at my temple would have the desired effect.

So, since I need to maintain my employment until such time as I can afford an actual firearm and the requisite ammunition, I am stuck working while I am sick.

Don't feel bad for me. I just called and told them I would be working from home for today.

They usually don't allow that, but my supervisor doesn't seem to mind when I do it.

I pretended not to hear the relief in his voice.

Since it was Susan's day off, she decided to try and make me feel better. She asked me if there was anything she could do to help. Did I need food or a beverage?

She didn't have a gun either.


Know what she did have?


No, no. I don't mean it like that, you pervert.

Actually, she said no to that.


I then amended my idea to her using those hands to do my work for me. I could give her directions and she could do all the typing.

Yes, I am that pathetic when I'm sick.

My beautiful wife took my weak hand in hers, looked deep into my eyes, and told me to go F&%@ myself.

Thank you, Florence Nightengale.

It actually took about an hour of me hacking and coughing, sighing and looking pathetic for her to give in.


We spent the rest of the day with her at my keyboard and me laid back on the couch giving her directions on what to do. She'd tell me the problem and I'd give her the simple solution.

Gil farmer. Feed to Jormy.

Fish botter. Feed to Jormy.

Stuck behind a table. Feed to Jormy.

I know that last one didn't really deserve it, but we were kind of on a roll. Also, my Nyquil was running out and I was starting to get cranky.

Cranky [GM]Dave = Banned players.

All in all, I think it was a pretty productive day. We got through my entire shift without killing each other and I didn't die.


Yes, there were a few difficulties. Apparently, some of my "flare" is lost in translation.

Here is what I told my wife:

[GM]Dave>> Okay, that's good.
[GM]Dave>> Now, make a comment about his intelligence.
[GM]Dave>> Something brutal.

Here is what I later found in the log:

[GM]Dave>> You're so stupid, you thought a quarterback was a refund.
[GM]Dave>> BURN!



Burn, indeed.

I need to get better quickly.


At 9:38 PM, Blogger Math said...

That sucks. (both the feeling sick and the insult)

Here's hoping things get better soon(again, both your health and Susan's insults.)

At 11:50 PM, Blogger Dave said...

You know ... maybe make a list of insuls she can throw around when you are sick? Just have say 25 of the most common "problems" (read as retarded stuff) then make 10 awesome insults for that and hand that over to her next time you are sick!!

At 1:05 AM, Blogger Bufuman said...

My beautiful wife took my weak hand in hers, looked deep into my eyes, and told me to go F&%@ myself.

Is it possible to fall in love with a woman you've never met? It's a shame she's already taken.

...just how sick are you, Dave?

At 6:39 AM, Blogger Jguy said...


Sure glad I wasn't playing yesterday! A run in with Susan could mean trouble!

Hope ya feel better soon!

At 1:56 PM, Blogger Leut said...

If a quarterback is a refund, what the hell is a cornerback?

At 7:13 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

I'm sick too.

-high five-

At 6:01 AM, Blogger Pirre said...

Hope you get better soon, take care!

At 10:02 AM, Blogger Sehtae said...

Take all your favorite insults and assign each word a number. Then have Susan roll dice to create new insults from the pieces of the old ones. It'd be exciting, the odds of you getting the exact same insult twice would be rather low.

At 1:20 AM, Blogger Jakk Frost said...

Interesting idea Sehtae, but with Dave's vast cornucopia of insults, he'd probably needed several D&D 20-sided-die...

And if he did that, he might have some concerns about it leading Susan into gang-related behaviour.


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