Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I'm Writing A Movie Script

This may or may not be safe for work, so be advised before clicking on the link. It's all very tame stuff, but it does involve some "adult film actresses" so you may want to wait until you get home.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Apparently, Game Daily somehow got themselves on the red carpet for the AVN awards. This is the awards show for the "adult film" industry.

I assume the awards themselves to be quite awkward to hold.

Anyway, the Game Daily reporters are asking these young ladies (and some guys probably) what their gaming habits are.

Watch the first video.

Seriously. Go watch it.

It features a young woman by the name of Jenna Haze who I am completely and utterly unfamiliar with. I have no knowledge whatsoever of her body of work or any videos she may have stared in.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

This girl is a serious gamer. She throws down with her gaming cred and then...

Oh my.

The reporter asks what video game character she would most like to make a "movie" about.

Can you guess what she says?

I'll five you a hint: It starts with F and rhymes with Final Fantasy.

Oh hell yeah.

Honestly, and I'm not joking around here at all, I will murder the person at SE corporate that send the cease and desist letter on this idea. I mean go ahead and send out C&D letter to homebrew developers, but this... This is art.

Shut up. It is.

Hot, sweaty art.

Anyone at all involved with the industry should get started on this today.



You need a handicam, a variety of costumes that are all readily available online, and security to hold back a tide of FF fanboys.

By that, I mean me.

That's really the one thing the FF series has been missing all of these years: porn. We've done the classic RPG, the strategy RPG, the spin-off, the MMORPG. We've done everything.

Except porn.

Seriously. How the hell could we leave that out?

The porn RPG.

No, I don't want to think about what is involved in leveling up.

And everyone should sub WHM for Viruna.

Am I the only one who thinks this is a freaking awesome idea?

From the look Susan is giving me right now, I assume yes.

I really need to tell her to stop reading these things.


At 10:07 PM, Blogger Aen said...

Jenna Haze an FF fan...

Who knew?

At 12:18 AM, Blogger Catharina said...

I think it's a great idea. But not FFX-2... ew.

They should throw in a few all male and all female scenes :P.

At 12:32 AM, Blogger Ben said...

There must already be a fanmade H-game for Final Fantasy out there. God knows there's enough fan made comics out there featuring Cloud and Sephiroth doing things to each other in the company of a horde of Manthras.

And yes I mean Manthras. Final Fantasy lends itself to a very special brand of porn.

I'll close with the standard internet gag for those two:



At 2:49 AM, Blogger Dyamalos said...

You're getting paid... to have sex... on camera.... That is not work...

and if you're behind the scenes,

You're getting paid... to watch people have sex... on camera...

At the same time though... technically there has already been FF porn, but mostly Japanese produced, and low budget...

not that I would know that of course....

At 5:22 AM, Blogger Dice said...

I call rule 34 of the internet on Final Fantasy...

At 5:32 AM, Blogger Shinji said...

Would Midgets be used to play the role of TaruTarus?!....

At 5:32 AM, Blogger Shinji said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 10:18 AM, Blogger Hylian said...

Actually... there is an mmorpg porno called Whorecraft. It's got elves, ogres, humans, dwarves, orcs, trolls and demons. The costumes are chainmails, plate, leather, robes, and boobs.

the first episode is called "Rogues do it from behind."

i wish i was making this up.

i'm actually surprised the elf ears and dwarf beards stay on the whole time during the ... action sequences.

how would a final fantasy porno work exactly? hmmm... mayhaps deviantart will give us creative inspirati-... oh god... forget i said anything. NO! do NOT click that search button with the maturity filter turned off...

you asked for it. good luck sleeping tonight.

what if there's an ffxi porn? let's see, we got mithra furry porn, normal hume porn, elvaan richie porn, taru taru... nevermind, taru porn is illegal. i mean it. galka porn is... should be illegal. what? i'm not on the fanboat of people who like to watch 2 big fat guys playin helicopter!


Damn you dave... now i need a shower. which is good cuz i know you're not using it anytime soon :P

At 10:58 AM, Blogger seraphimsdawn said...

I hate to be the one to break your heart Dave, but there already is a FFX porn, it's call Final F#ck X. It features Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu. I don't think the guys were involved, but then again without the crazy costume Tidus is really just any random "Skater" looking guy.

Anyways, I found the "movie" about 6-7 years ago, not sure if you'll be able to find it now.

At 1:09 PM, Blogger John Moser said...

Not like you couldn't dress Susan up like a Mithra and skip the part with the video camera.

In fact I'm pretty sure I know people who have done exactly that... I live about 3 miles away from where Otakon is held. Oh Princess Zelda, how many young desperate men made you their first... shit, that girl was hot, I'd hit it.

At 2:21 PM, Blogger Mil'bereth said...

There you go Dave, every possible scenario you can ever imagine...and some you never want to imagine, let alone see...

At 5:03 AM, Blogger Salt said...

LOL FF dating sim inc!!!

At 8:43 AM, Blogger Saifer said...

Damn, that was fun as shit to watch, more stuff like this should be done.

At 9:58 PM, Blogger Pablo said...

We just have to wait for FF-XXX That would really be the "Ultimate Fantasy" heh.

At 2:04 PM, Blogger Anthony said...

and it's X-2 no less! I know it's been said already... but this MUST happen. NOW.


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