Saturday, October 17, 2009

[GM]Dave's Regrets - Vol. 6

I'm sure we all had one person in high school we just didn't like. You know, that one guy that you just hated more than anything else.

We all did.

I had Neil.

To say I hated Neil would be possibly the greatest understatement in human history. I did not hate him, I loathed him.

He was my nemesis.

I'd say "eternal nemesis" except I kind of stopped caring the second high school ended.

The funny thing is I don't even remember WHY I hated him so much. Nothing stands out in my mind as a defining moment in our relationship that started our war.

It just was.

Perhaps it was a personality conflict. Maybe our two distinct personalities just weren't compatible.

Or maybe it's because he was a complete and utter dick.

You know... One or the other.

Everywhere I went, he was there and he would go out of his way to piss me off. Honestly, you'd think he didn't have anything better to do with his time given all of his being a dick.

It was a full-time job for this guy.

It took a tremendous amount of will power not to beat the living shit out of him. Seriously, I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for not taking a chainsaw to his face.

They're not hard to use. You just pull a cord and then apply to face.

It's idiot proof.

Also, idiot correcting.

Anyway, one day we were in language class. We were taking some notes on [insert name of story I don't remember].

Neil was drawing big circles all over my book in pen.

I'm not kidding. He was that big of a dick.

But I controlled myself. I clenched my fists and tried not to be bothered. I knew if I let go, I probably wouldn't be able to stop. I sat there and took nice deep breaths.

Then he scraped the pen down my cheek.

I don't mean he drew a line on my face. He slashed the pen down my face so hard I was surprised that he didn't cut me open.

See? Dick.

Despite my previous attempts to ignore his behavior, I felt that this sort of action could not go without being corrected. At the earliest opportunity, I would have to explain to him basic etiquette and how his action might have been considered hostile.

That doesn't sound like me, does it?

Before his pen hit his desk, I had my forearm on his throat. I pushed his desk halfway across the room until he was pinned up against the wall.

Dave>> If you ever touch me again, I'm going to kill you.
Dave>> I really mean that.
Dave>> Do you understand?

And I held him there, my arm applying significant pressure to his trachea. I held him there until he nodded his understanding.

Then I let him go and just walked calmly back to my seat.

Suddenly, I felt much better. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Then I noticed twenty odd other students staring at me with their mouths agape.

Not to mention my teacher.

Once I showed him my face, he understood exactly what had happened. Even the teaching staff were aware of what a douchebag Neil was, so he kind of got where I was coming from.

Neil even got detention for it.

That's justice right there.

Now, you might be thinking I regret the whole incident. You probably think I wish I could go back and keep myself from being so rough.

Not really, no.

My biggest regret about the whole situation is that I didn't beat the living shit out of him. If I could go back, I'd do it all again and then I'd kick his ass after class.


He was that much of a dick.


At 9:53 PM, Blogger golden_knyte said...


ah high school, memories....i forgot the rest of the song.

Reminds me of senior year english class. It had been a bad day and I was already a little peeved from something...a girl might have been involved.

Got to class early, was just standing around stretching. In comes my classmate, TJ. I dont know why, but he started to punch and push my left shoulder, giving me little taunts like "what? what? huh? you like that?" and the teacher was sitting at his desk letting this happen.

You think you deserve a peace prize? PFFT I was so tempted to perform a magic trick involving a pencil and an eye ball I almost became Heath Ledger 5 years before Dark Knight...Subtle I know.

So, about the......carry the 4....100th time, I just snapped. I whipped my arm around and caught his latest attempt to punch/push. Momentum spun him around off balance and I proceeded to give a gentle push of my own...what? He only flew across 2 desks, so what.

I look over, and I see the teacher giggling like a schoolgirl before yelling at TJ to stop or he's going to the office.

good times...good times

At 11:19 PM, Blogger urbnsol said...

I know the feeling.

Seventh grade, Art class.
My douchebag used markers and paint to write on my hand or arm most every day for about 1/2 a semester.

Most every time I'd smack him away or try to punch him in the gut, but he was always ready and tensed for it.

One day, he wasn't ready.
Knocked the wind out of him, and apparently I knew it because I decked him one across the face too.
Knocked him out of his chair and he lay on the floor coughing for a short bit.
Don't really regret not taking it further.
Well, maybe just a tiny bit.

At 5:11 AM, Blogger Kinam said...

wee... everyone sharing their own stories .. so .. well here's mine

The regaled school bully happened to pick on me because I was the smallest kid there in school ... and I had long hair in a redneck school (the only male in the school with long hair mind you) ... Anyway, this kid happened to have only one class with me, and that was some stupid art class... don't ask me why I was in it...I think it had something to do with moving to the new school.

So, he'd pester me, hit me here and there, nothing out of the ordinary for the school bully. One day he decided to holler at me telling me to "catch" something, as he proceeded to throw something at my face. Unfortunately what he threw was a popsicle stick, covered with hot glue fresh from the glue gun.

After catching it, preventing myself from loosing my eyesight, I thus burned the shit out of my hand. As he was laughing to his friends, I walked over to him, and let one punch loose, straight to his jaw... knocked 'em out good ... just as the teacher walked out of the supply closet, he hit the floor.

I walked over to the sink and tossed the now mostly dried up glue in the trash-can, along with a nice layer of skin, and grabbed the paper towels to wrap my hand up.

The teacher wanted to know what happened, but I just went back to working on my project for some reason. the other students in the class had to be the ones to inform the teacher of what happened.

The kid was actually expelled for this incident (he'd been suspended prior for stupid minor stuff, but this I guess topped it all) ... I made many friends that day, including one guy that was like twice my size and a good foot and a half taller than me ... everyone thought he was my protection or something, but he had told me it was the other way around LOL

At 10:52 AM, Blogger Ulli said...

A family member of mine had recently died, so i was always breaking down in tears in the middle of class for about a semester. Usually when that happened i just walked out into the hallway till i calmed down. One day, this guy grabbed my arm as i was heading out and said:
"aw, is the lil emo girl going to go cut herself?"
I had never cut myself EVER, I was just upset like any other human being that their grandpa had died.
This managed to piss me off, and i was already not thinking clearly, so you know what I did? Kicked him in the nuts as hard as I could. The teacher saw, but I didn't get in trouble since she already knew I was depressed. She just sent me to the nurse to get a pack of ice for the guy.

At 11:56 AM, Blogger alixalle said...

Unfortunately, Douchebags never change. I'm freshly out of High School, and had a funny experience with one the last month of it. Some douchebag i went to school with was unaware i had been taking Muay Thai kickboxing, and decided to shoot a spitball at me in the middle of the hallway. Not appreciating the childish behavior, i approached, he threw a swing, i dodged, grabbed him by the back of the head, and kneed him in the face. And, luckily for me, my junior high history teacher had recently become an Assistant principle, and loved me. He ended up with two weeks of detention because of it.

Sometimes life works out grand.

At 2:21 PM, Blogger Ben said...

Sure, why not, I'll share my story.

Being a weedy one, I had the share of dicks that'd try and mess with me, and I eventually started walking around my school to get away from them one lunchtime. Somehow, they found me, and cornered me. As one guy started to try and hit me, I lunged back, knocked out one of his teeth, and broke the pair of £120 glasses sitting on his now mangled face. The best part was as he went to punch back, one of my friends came flying down the corridor and rugby-tackled the guy to the floor.

At 12:40 AM, Blogger Mercenary said...

Protip: Dont fuck GM Dave. XD

At 7:12 PM, Blogger Mil'bereth said...

Mercenary said...
Protip: Dont fuck GM Dave. XD

12:40 AM

Because...Susan will rip your balls off and feed them to you?

At 2:14 PM, Blogger Mattoxic said...

Dave, you made the right choice. I had one of those people too - his name was gareth - be thankful you stopped at what you did. What happened to me was a similar situation to yourself actually, I was in high school and this guy was a dick, not just to me but everyone in my year - so you think he'd deserve what he got. We were in math class and he sat at the back of the class so he could pretty much get a shot at anyone you sat in front of him. So as you can guess the seats furthest from the guy filled up fast. If you were late, you were sitting with him. I was late.

Halfway through the class gareth gives up throwing paper balls at the people in front of him and turns to me and starts throwing them at my head. Annoying but i could ignore it. I was someone that leant quite close to my paper as I was writting it, he seemed to notice. When I got close to my page he'd push me so my head hit the desk. Got very annoyed but tuned it out. This went one for about 15 mins til class let out and i pretty such grabbed my shit and went to storm out of that room jaw clenched. Then he tripped me. tripped me into headbutting someone else. what i remember is her calling me an idiot, rubbing the back of her head, then seeing gareth and scowling. She stormed off and I remember this part very clearly. I grabbed the chair she was using turnned around and hit gareth in the face with it. I dropped the chair and snapped back to normal. I'd broke his nose, and i thought it wouldn't bother me as much as it did, but i instantly felt sorry. Instant regret - I went too far with that one. So be thankful you didn't go too far.

At 12:42 PM, Blogger L.A. said...

Ugh. I got bullied and beatup since 3rd grade. I was in 7th grade, at the highschool, and there was a collection of assholes who loved to beat me up. There was this one, when I was in 7th grade, i was 5 foot 10, 170ish pounds. There was this douche named Jay. His brother/friends used to beat me up all the time, since Jay himself was a squawny kid, like 5 foot, 120 pounds.

that had been giving me shit all morning...

...he jammed my gym locker so I was late for first-hour class (which gave me a tardy, which gave me detention), and he hawked a loogie on my shirt after class.

I was walking down the hall and saw him, and asked what his problem was, why he wouldn't leave me alone. He said he didn't do anything, I said he spit on my shirt...and that a$$hole had the most smug-ass grin on his face and said "yeah right."

I shook my head, turned to my locker and sighed, saying "what an asshole."

Before I knew it, I was shoved, HARD, into my locker, knocking all the stuff from my hands. I turn around and it's him doing that cockey ass grin again, and starts to walk away. I'm pissed, but remaining calm and i walk up and put my hand on his shoulder to turn him around and i say "Seriously, what the hell is your problem with-" and he turns around, swung, and tore the glasses off my face, knocking them across the hall.

I was born with cataracts, I have had lense removal surgery and have worn glasses since I was 2 years old.

You do not f#ck with a man's glasses. I don't know what it was then, but I absolutely snapped. I had about 1 foot and fifty pounds more than this kid, and I proceeded to just start beating the living shit out of him. He never saw it coming, there was nothing he could do.

The fight ended when I literally had thrown him to the ground, had his head inside my locker, and i was about to kick the locker on his face when three teachers hauled me off this kid.

I'm 21 now, in college, and I love it so much better. Highschool was hell, and I would not relive it for a trillion dollars.


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