[GM]Dave's Regrets - Vol. 6I'm sure we all had one person in high school we just didn't like. You know, that one guy that you just hated more than anything else.
We all did.
I had Neil.
To say I hated Neil would be possibly the greatest understatement in human history. I did not hate him, I loathed him.
He was my nemesis.
I'd say "eternal nemesis" except I kind of stopped caring the second high school ended.
The funny thing is I don't even remember WHY I hated him so much. Nothing stands out in my mind as a defining moment in our relationship that started our war.
It just was.
Perhaps it was a personality conflict. Maybe our two distinct personalities just weren't compatible.
Or maybe it's because he was a complete and utter dick.
You know... One or the other.
Everywhere I went, he was there and he would go out of his way to piss me off. Honestly, you'd think he didn't have anything better to do with his time given all of his being a dick.
It was a full-time job for this guy.
It took a tremendous amount of will power not to beat the living shit out of him. Seriously, I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for not taking a chainsaw to his face.
They're not hard to use. You just pull a cord and then apply to face.
It's idiot proof.
Also, idiot correcting.
Anyway, one day we were in language class. We were taking some notes on [insert name of story I don't remember].
Neil was drawing big circles all over my book in pen.
I'm not kidding. He was that big of a dick.
But I controlled myself. I clenched my fists and tried not to be bothered. I knew if I let go, I probably wouldn't be able to stop. I sat there and took nice deep breaths.
Then he scraped the pen down my cheek.
I don't mean he drew a line on my face. He slashed the pen down my face so hard I was surprised that he didn't cut me open.
Despite my previous attempts to ignore his behavior, I felt that this sort of action could not go without being corrected. At the earliest opportunity, I would have to explain to him basic etiquette and how his action might have been considered hostile.
That doesn't sound like me, does it?
Before his pen hit his desk, I had my forearm on his throat. I pushed his desk halfway across the room until he was pinned up against the wall.
Dave>> If you ever touch me again, I'm going to kill you.
Dave>> I really mean that.
Dave>> Do you understand?
And I held him there, my arm applying significant pressure to his trachea. I held him there until he nodded his understanding.
Then I let him go and just walked calmly back to my seat.
Suddenly, I felt much better. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Then I noticed twenty odd other students staring at me with their mouths agape.
Not to mention my teacher.
Once I showed him my face, he understood exactly what had happened. Even the teaching staff were aware of what a douchebag Neil was, so he kind of got where I was coming from.
Neil even got detention for it.
That's justice right there.
Now, you might be thinking I regret the whole incident. You probably think I wish I could go back and keep myself from being so rough.
Not really, no.
My biggest regret about the whole situation is that I didn't beat the living shit out of him. If I could go back, I'd do it all again and then I'd kick his ass after class.
He was that much of a dick.